t_beanes Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 Days went past and all I was able to do was spending time in shops or overorganizing my life....just to avoid being idle and cry all day. Than I met an acuaintance of ours who gripped me and put a huge job on top of me. I have hardly the time of day left...but it helps not looking like an overcooked lobster in my face from all my tears. I think it is so hard because I am without anybody like family and our friends all come from the sailing community ...hence are on the high seas or where ever in the world right now. It is just my dog and me in a new house ...not knowing the neighbours either. I don't know if I can hold out in this job ...it is the first time in 20 years that I have a job...but it keeps my thoughts busy and I stop for a while missing Richard. Each time I think about life I keep looking for him and dispair.It is so painfull. I am still reading the boards when I come home at night .....this is one thing I feel attached to because I can imagine so well what everyone is going through. It is only like yesterday and I have often to remind myself that I am not fighting anymore. It is a cacao of feelings ...always new situations develop which I don't know how to handle.Someone said to me that I have to invent myself again.I rather stay the way I am. What I wanted to mention as well is that I think the wall of memory is such a good idea!!! I felt greatfull having the oportunity to post there. Well of to work I go....hopefully the people keep not asking about my circumstances...I think they were told...it makes me vulnerable i.e. cry. You are in my thoughts. Bettina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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