simplyklb Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Hi, I know this is a touchy subject but I need to post about it. But do all of you go thru the gamut of emotions whether you are the person with lung cancer or a family member or caregiver or friend? I find myself being angry a lot and that is not good. I am not angry at my parents. I am angry at the cancer. I hate cancer!!!!!! I find myself saying that a lot. I am angry at my parents' internist who I felt should have been monitoring my parents a lot more closely since both were ex-smokers. Most of all, I am angry about what the cancer is taking away. I know my dad is going to die from the cancer. I don't know how his cancer is responding to the treatment. I know that I want the cancer to die and go away. I often find myself sad. Why? I am sad because I have to watch my parents go thru this at the same time. I grieve about the things that have changed. I grieve for the future. I often cry myself to sleep at night. I can't even get thru this post without crying. I find myself worrying a lot. I worry about what will happen to my family and I. I worry a lot about the future. I worry about my finances even tho I live here with my parents. I have two bills but no job. I find myself being afraid. What is going to happen? There are lots of unknowns. Is my mom going to die? How much longer will my dad live? I find myself isolated but not when I come to the messageboards because I know that there are people out there. I feel isolated in my own home. I think that is where some of my major problems lie. Thank goodness for the palliative intake nurse who took the time to listen to me... the caregiver! I am hoping to get out more. I need it. I try to find hope in all of this. Sometimes it is easy and sometimes it is not. I pray a lot. Things will never be the same.. Cancer changes everything. Are the feelings I talked about natural? Kristi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JB Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Kristi, That all sounds like perfectly normal responses to this mess we're in. I've been there done that, thought that, said that and a whole lot more. IT SUCKS...and there isn't a whole lot we can do about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SandraL Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Oh Kristi. All what you are feeling is perfectly natural and absolutely okay. My heart goes out to you. Thank goodness you can come here and let it out with people who get it. Your circumstances are extreme and you have had so much on your plate for so long. I pray for a better future for you and the happiness you deserve. Looks like you still have a tough road ahead of you. But you should keep the faith that somewhere down the line you will look up and realize you have found more joy in your life. Take good care Sandra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simplyklb Posted June 20, 2008 Author Share Posted June 20, 2008 JB, Cancer sucks!! That's all I can say. I need a shirt that says that. Sandra, I am thankful that there are people in my life that recognize my needs. That is what keeps me going. Hope, faith, and prayer are good things in my life. Kristi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janette Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Sounds exactly like everything that goes thru my head every single day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shellit74 Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Kristi, As a caregiver also, I can tell you what you are feeling is perfectly normal. Its good to have a place to come and vent. I did not find this site until the day after my Dad passed. As for the t-shirt, I know where you can get one. When I worked at the cancer center in Madison at UW-Hospital there were 3 women who started a company called CHOOSE HOPE. They sell all sorts of cancer related items. The website is choosehope.com Maybe you will find something you like on there! Shelli PS. I know they sell tons of stuff with CANCER SUCKS on it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb73 Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 Oh Kristi, Those emotions, feelings, and thoughts, are all normal when it comes to a lung cancer diagnosis - sadly. They go through my mind, and it is, most probably, par for the course when dealing with this disease. I am disappointed in the internist who suggested you should have been monitoring things a bit more closely. My husband, Bill, was closely monitored for months - by doctors - and they didn't come up with an answer for his "tickling cough." Bill had exams regularly, had checkups, and all that he should have received over many years. Still - the lung cancer went undetected - despite all of that. So, please, Kristi, give yourself a break. If the professionals couldn't find it in my husband -- As time went by, my emotions have calmed, and my realization that Bill and I are now living a "new normal" has come into play. May you feel better and know that you are not alone. We are here to give support. You will find so many wonderful people here. Barbara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deb10653 Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 Must be natural feelings, you describe exactly what I go through and I think I am still normal. Be thankful as I am that there is this place to vent and share and try to hang in there, you are dealing with so much my heart goes out to you! Deb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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