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Everything posted by Barb73

  1. I am so glad to "see" your lovely replies. It occurs to me that if I had never had the good fortune to have "met" all of you all those many years ago, my journey with Bill would never have been as blessed as it was. When a diagnosis is made which can be so overwhelming, it can color everything in life. What was once taken for granted becomes tentative, hanging like a sword overall. What this site gave to me was a support that was priceless. To this very day, it is a factor in how I am able to cope. Many might say, "How can that be? It is the internet." Well, it can and definitely was a help that in my experience with reading positive and bolstering words was like a precious balm. Bill would be the first to say that his wife was able to "get through." I would tell him things that were written, hope to carry on with the chemo, and all that was involved in the lung cancer. Because of your input, the word cancer is out there with people talking about it. There was a time, and not all that long ago, when that word was not spoken, but hidden as a pariah. I am now ready to visit and read following yours and others' posts. Toward the end of Bill's life, our niece, a beautiful woman with a wonderful energy, was diagnosed with an aggressive breast cancer. Her courage through all the treatments, which gave her many days/weeks of nausea, and worse, was an inspiration to us all. She had support because with breast cancer, there is almost an imperative to give that support. Such was not the same, unfortunately, for those with lung cancer. This site, and all of the information provided, is an oasis for so many with the "unpopular" (for the want of a more appropriate description) disease. May you all receive many blessings, and Katie, you are doing a most-needed work. May God continue to bless you all. Barbara Damroth
  2. Hello Everyone, I have received an email telling me there was a new posting to a topic written back in 2009. When I went there, there wasn't any posting. However, I visited this site (obits) and reread all the lovely replies to Bill's passing. Believe me, even though it has been all these many, many months ago, it soothed my heart to see those comforting words. Thank you so much for all you gave to me when I was posting regularly. Please know that I am OK. I feel Bill's presence everyday, and I am moving along with a lot of family support and love. I was very blessed in having Bill for 54 1/2 years of marriage, and he left me with courage. Once, while having breakfast, and not long before he died, he said, "I have no regrets." He didn't say anything more, and I just absorbed that statement and put it away in my heart. Love and keeping everyone in my daily prayers, Barbara Damroth
  3. Hi Carol, Although I posted that article almost 3 years ago, I began reading it again and it certainly made a lot of sense. Good nutrition was the pathway for Bill to have withstood so many treatments over his five + years. I see by your stats that you are doing well, and it is so very good to read that. Recently had my eyes (cataracts) done and can see well once again, thankfully. Didn't realize that all these years the vision was waning bit by bit. Now, the reading, writing, crocheting and even being able to see the dust around this house is back in full swing. Continue doing great. You and everyone here are in my daily prayers. Please keep me in yours. God bless. Love, Barbara
  4. So glad that your Mom received the actual therapy rather than the placebo or alternate. May you, she, and your family be blessed. You remain in our prayers. Barbara
  5. Hello Meg, You have my prayers for your Mom, you and your family. This was a well-remembered journey and though I haven't posted in months, this special place helped me with the most wonderful support. I am grateful to this day for all of that. The people here are warm, wise, and will be as guardian angels as you walk this walk. The one thing which I have highly valued during the five years Bill survived was hope. It cannot be overused. It's what made life bearable and gave us quality. It was mostly a glass half full. My hope is that your Mom has much success in her treatments and that she and all of you around her are blessed each and every precious day. Barbara
  6. I know that shadows, and spots showed up on Bill's scans many times. What held me together was just knowing that I had time with him - however short or long. We went for five plus years with treatents, and it was not anything but a continuance of keeping him alive. What I can say that may help is that both Bill and I felt that all the time (whatever it was) gave us a certain valuable time together. To this day, I do not regret having gone through all of that with him. I loved him and that was all that was important. When he was in hospice, he sat one morning at breakfast, and he said, "I have no regrets." Those words still ring in my heart and are a comfort to this very day. Barbara
  7. This afternoon at 3 pm, on Channel 5, I accidentally turned onto Dr. Oz's program. It covered the subject of Lung Cancer, including the fact that people, who were never smokers, have had it. Two women were on the show as guests, and were not smokers. My gratitude goes out to him and all, especially our Katie, who bring this underfunded, and neglected disease to the forefront of the consciousness of the public. Thanks to advocates out there and I appreciate your attention to this horrible, devastating disease. Dr. Oz is evidentally devoting this program to what can occur in the lungs. More of this needs to be out there in the public eye. Thank you. Barbara
  8. Even though I am still "not over" my deep feelings about losing Bill, my heart still coaxes me to come here and read. Sometimes, there is nothing I can say to help, and the best to offer would be to let everyone know that we are a family - having met under circumstances that none of us wanted - however, being grateful to have the support. That support is precious and was especially comforting to me through all those moments of sadness, and concern. What everyone has said about letting the feelings out with someone trusted speaks to the heart of it. Even yelling up to God, as Randy has suggested, is a beneficial act in releasing some of the stress. That tension is there, no doubt about it, even while braving it through. This place of understanding is a gift. Thank you, Katie, for all you have done and do. Thanks to all of you who have the insights to give all the wonderful support. Just wanted to let you know that I am out of steam with cancer, but my heart still holds you all. Love, Barbara
  9. I lost my husband to lung cancer after five plus years of treatment. My gratitude is for those five plus years. Yes, it is difficult to go through all the treatments because we love that person so deeply and want them to go on for a very long time. My love for Bill was so deep that I cannot to this day not cry real and painful tears when I think of him. There is Bill's take on this to consider. He said to me. "I have no regrets." What more could he have said then that? Going through the treatments is a "job." That is what he told me he was doing. I completely went along with that. We would see it through to however long it would last. Those five plus years were wonderful. Love, Barbara
  10. Lung cancer does indeed suck. It is a horrible disease in that it is kept in the background with the least amount of push to cure it. I cannot imagine any other disease being treated or considered in this manner. That is what makes it all the worse. Those who are working so hard to bring it the attention it needs are heroes to me. Barbara
  11. Linda, Thank you so much for your kind words. The day went quietly, but very nice with Fr. Bill and Jeanne with me. The following day, two more of the children showed up for lunch (leftover turkey with trimmings). It's all about having people around, and I do believe that they help so much in diverting the sadness by being themselves. The little Christmas tree lit by LED lights in the front window was the only sign of holiday in the house, but it actually seemed appropriate in its "littleness." Love, Barbara
  12. Barb73

    Another Step

    Ron, My heart was touched by the way you spent Christmas Day. Sad thought it was, it was very beautiful. Barbara
  13. Dear Carol, What a lovely sight to see your post. Your name, Carol, at this time of year is special. I always think of the Christmas Carol. Thank you for the hugs. Believe me, cyber or no, they are felt. Love, Barbara
  14. Hello ts, Hugging right back to you. Thank you. I haven't been online here as much as I would like, but there wasn't a doubt that at Christmas this visit was important. That lack of visiting as much does not mean that I don't think of you all. I do! You are part of the journey that Bill and I took, and in many ways, I am still walking. Wishing you every blessing and to everyone here, you are all the best. Love, Barbara
  15. Dear Katie, Thank you for the hugs. You have wished me just what I will be receiving, the support and love that I need. Having the kids around at this time is crucial. My sister calls regularly, as well. These are the essentials in "getting through." I don't know what I would have done had I not had help. That brings me to this board and how much it helped over the five+ years. That, above all, was the glue that kept me together while attending every chemo session, every radiation appointment. Without this board and the truly genuinely warm and understanding members, I would not have been as bolstered. You must know how very grateful I am for that. Love, Barbara
  16. Judy, Thank you so much for the hug. This is a time when such things are most appreciated. Yes, the dinner will be good and the company special. We need each other and this is especially a gift this Christmas. Last Christmas, Bill was in the rehab facility, and we went to be with him and then came back to the house for a put-together dinner. It has been a very different kind of time these past nine months. More things have been done that surprise even me. What used to be done by Bill was done, albeit with more difficulty. Yet, they got done. I think he would be proud. : ) Love, Barbara
  17. Dear Kasey, The issues regarding medical stuff with me has been partially abated. In October, I had a procedure to open up a blocked artery in my left leg. Surprisingly, it worked for the improvement for both legs. : ) (They tried to do the right one, but pierced it instead, so they stopped on that one.) They couldn't put in stents to the blockages to my legs due to the future possibility of having to repair the AAA in my abdomen. The one thing that remains a nemesis is the high blood pressure. It has turned into a resistant type and requires meds three times daily. That keeps me on my toes just remembering all of them. The good news is that I am still here, and kicking. Thank you for saying the lovely things you said. It will give me a boost - and I really needed one. Love, Barbara
  18. Strangely, this year, the 25th landed on Thanksgiving and it will be so on Christmas Day. It is a not-so-gentle reminder to all of us who are missing Bill so much. The festive part of Christmas, the merry activities, have lost meaning for me. Those feelings are not there. It means that my thoughts will not drift too far from the void that remains - that vacant spot that can never be filled. Nevertheless, there will be a Christmas dinner for Jeanne and Fr. Bill, and on Sunday, perhaps, a lunch with John and Linda. These are the treasured things that will help us to focus more on what is important - being together. May everyone here at this wonderful, and much-needed oasis find peace amd warm memories to comfort at this time of the year. Love, Barbara
  19. Ronnie, Your message is well understood, and heartfelt. Yesterday, the WNYF (Magazine for NY Firefighters)arrived. It has been more than 7 months since Bill's death. Thumbed my way nervously to the back where the "In Memoriam" lists were, as I would usually do since last March. His name, over the months, had not been listed. As though it made it less real, I would be relieved. This time, there was Bill's name, jumping right out at me. He was now dead officially with dates of service and date of demise. That trigger set me off to sobbing for most of the morning. Here, I thought I was doing so well. There will always be those reminders. They will come and hopefully, we will become stronger? We can only hope. Barbara
  20. Barb73

    Not prepared

    Susan, I am so very sorry to learn of your Mom's passing. No, we are never ready - no matter the age - it's always a great void. I offer my heartfelt condolences to you and your family, Susan. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Love, Barbara
  21. Susan, Please forgive that I am just seeing this post now. My life has been so full of medical appointments that I have not been reading all the posts. I wanted you to know that Bill did live a comfortable hospice stay. He was not in pain, and his breathing was not compromised. It is reassuring to know that someone is on call to help when needed. That makes all the difference, I believe. Keeping you and your Mom in my thoughts, Barbara
  22. Hi Jamie So glad to see you again. As others have said, there is nothing wrong with enjoying life and keeping busy. It is what life is all about, dear Jamie. I love the doggie photo. I have loved all of your photos over the years. They always had such lovely smiles. Love, Barbara
  23. Dear Susan, I am so very sorry that I was not here sooner to offer you my condolences on your Mom's passing. You were to her as my daughter was to us, a loving, wonderful gift. God, I do not know what I would have done without our daughter being there for us. We were very blessed, as your Mom was in having you. Susan, the pain of grieving is so intense, but it may be helpful to keep in mind that only when we have had the special blessed love of our loved ones, and we back at them, do we suffer this much. We were gifted. Love Barbara
  24. Barb73

    Actor: Tom Bosley

    Katie, I heard this via the media the other night, and thought to myself how very nonchalantly they mention that he "also was battling lung cancer." I was in the hospital for two days this week. They were assessing my blockages in my vascular system. I had an angiogram via the groin to determine whether or not the numbness in my legs was emanating from major arteries. Yes, there were two, in both femoral arteries and now they need to figure out if we can do anything about it. The smoking question is spreading and I am concerned that this "behavior in the past" might be affecting treatment? We will see. Barbara Well, what do you think they asked me? Did I smoke? Ever? Of course, I did. But haven't for 12 years ago. However, will this affect my treatment? Was that question one of judgement? Who knows!
  25. Barb73

    Almost persuaded

    Ron, I loved your telling of the story of the jackal. It warmed my heart and my soul. You know, Ron, that animals are so intuitive and give so much to our planet. My favorites are wolves. Ever since I was a child, I have loved their caring for their group. Even though they are not indigenous to our country, I have a special place in my heart for elephants. Of course, that is also due to their caring for the clan. Keep doing this, Ron. We are here to be the caretakers. Clearly, you are. May God bless you abundantly. Barbara
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