Ashaki Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 My mom goes in tomarrow morning for her CT scan to see if all this is working. To be honest with you I really see her gettin worse than she was before the dignoses. She coughs up blood...ect alot. She sleeps all the time, hard time breathing all the time now and she is just blah. You know I ask her if she is scared about the test or what it will show and she tells me NO! I'm very scared what this test will show. I don't feel the way she does nor do I tell her how I feel about it as I'm glad she has high hopes. But, the DR said next Tuesday when we go in he will give us the results and her life expectancy and not the average of up to a year that he gave us almost 3 months ago. I find this hard as I want to know the results but, at the same time I really don't. The other thing that worries me is she keeps alot from me when she is not feeling well. She trys to tell me she is OK but, I honestly want her to tell me as I want to be there and help but, cant if I don't know. I caught her smoking again the other day as she tells me OH THIER NOT MINE! And go back the next day and their gone but, the pack and her lighter are still there. I know she is old enough to do as she wishes but, doesn't she understand I'm 34 and not ready to loose my mom and the rate she is going with the coughing up blood (prob. from smoking) isn't helping her any. Prayers to you and yours! Ashaki Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SandraL Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 Oh Ashaki. Prayers for a scan that shows improvement. Sounds like you are going through so much with your mom and you are experiencing all the things we all do prior to test results. We fondly call it "scanxiety". You are right, your mom will do as she pleases. You can only do what you can do and the rest is up to your mom. You can not take it all on yourself. Take good care Sandra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patti B Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 Ashaki- Heres lots of wishes and prayers for a good scan for your mom. We all know what you are feeling right now!! Just a thought - but do think about if you want to know the "how long" thing. Those are just statistics and your mom is not a number. I asked in the beginning and I wish I hadn't - and hey, I should have been long gone by now so thats how well statistics are!! Lots of luck and please keep us posted!! Hugs - Patti B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caren Posted August 26, 2008 Share Posted August 26, 2008 I hope your mum gets some good news from her results! (((HUGS))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ashaki Posted August 27, 2008 Author Share Posted August 27, 2008 Thanks for your reply! I always feel as if Im dreaming and waiting for it to be over but, guess what it never happens! More and more gets added each and everyday. We went for her CT scan and I was so impatient so, I said to the tech I know your not allowed to tell me anything so, how bout you stand there and nod your head when I ask the question....lol I figured this way he really didnt say anything but, gave me the info I wanted to know. Of course a week before we go back for her treatment and the doc will tell us then. The longest day and a week is going to seem like ages...lol Shheesh I wished on these test they can tell you something right away isnt enough with everything else the paitent and families have to go through to only play a waiting game for results. Ashaki Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patti B Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 Ashaki - I know how you feel - waiting for results is the worst!! I find out the next day and even that is a killer!! Hope your moms scan is GREAT! Keep us posted!! Hugs - Patti B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SandraL Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 Hi Ashaki. So many of us have been through that terrible waiting game. It is the worst period in all of this. All I can say is it is tough and try to find something to distract you. Prayers for great results. Sandra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 My thoughts and prayers are with you as you wait. We all know how hard that is. Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ashaki Posted August 29, 2008 Author Share Posted August 29, 2008 Well, I got impatient and called today. The results were in and I had errans to run so, mom got the call. She just asked about the tumor. They did say it shrunk some from the radiation. But, now I have more questions as in is it still over her kidney area,has the cells spread out side of the areas where they already are,does it seem to be slowing down the growth process. Not, to meantion the tumors on the head they didnt scan. I know they say uncurable but, come on then they say its shrinking is this just a tease of hope or false hope?!?!? At the same time Im not sure mom told me the truth about the call, when I questioned her about more info she told me I didnt ask because I dont care. If she doesnt care why do the chemo. Why sit and watch yourself get sick and suffer more so everyday? I guess Im truely not understanding or she is just protecting me that much she doesnt want me to know. Either way it hurts to see her not care, continuing to smoke...ect.....Who knows what tomarrow will bring but, praying for more time with my mom! Ashaki Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SandraL Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Oh Ashaki. How terrible for you to want to know so much and not be able to really know. It definitely does sound like your mom is keeping things from you but I guess that is her choice to make. All you can do is continue to support her and hope and pray for the best. I would continue to push on questions though and maybe she will let you know. You can only do what you can do...the rest is up to your mom. Everyone deals with this disease differently and makes choices about what they are able to share with others. She may just be trying to protect you and other family members. That doesn't make it any easier on you for sure but that is the reality and you should never feel a second of guilt. Prayers and positive thoughts for both you and your mom. Sandra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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