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So much I have missed


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I came here just now and see so many new people and so much loss and pain. Even though I have not been here nor know many of you please know that my heart goes out to you in your loss.

For my old friend here this has been a pretty rough few months and this past week has really been bad. As those of you on Facebook know I lost Misty Monday morning. I had to take her to be put to sleep. That was so hard and a decision I was afraid of making. I was afraid I would do it at the wrong time when she had a chance to get better. As it turned out there was no doubts. At least for that I am grateful but I can't get the picture of her last night and morning out of my head. I think she may have had a stroke.

She would walk around in circles like she was lost and bump into things and trip on them. I tried putting her water where it was closer but she would just trip in the bowl. I think she may have be blind or just confused. I slept a short time Sunday night and when I woke Monday morning she was laying on her side and couldn't get up. She kept trying but she couldn't. I turned her but she just fell over. She tried to make a noise but it wouldn't come out. As soon as I knew they would be opening I took her. She didn't suffer long and I hate that she suffered at all.

Now to other things. The same day that I had to have Misty put down Johnny's son had to have their dog put down. They used to play together. One of the pictures that Valerie posted was of Katie wearing a lea. That same day I took movies of both dogs and my Johnny. So now so many of those old memories are haunting me. One of my neighbors wanted to give me something because I wouldn't take any money for driving her a few places. She gave me some old Conway Twitty CDs. I played them this moring and can't believe how many describe some aspect of mine and Johnny's relationship over the years.

In less than two months I have lost 3 neighbors. Two of them I barely knew but one lived in the apartment below me. That is always hard. Three of my neighbors have cancer. Two have lung cancer. One has gone through treatment and looks well. One is going down hill fast with no treatment and still smoking. The third has ovarian cancer and she is in her 80s with heart problems and many other things wrong so she too chose no treatment. Everywhere I look I see cancer and pain and suffering.

Last week my granddaughter found out that one of her best friends has Cervical Cancer. Not life threatening so I have been told but she will never have children bioligically. That is hard for a 19 year old to accept. Then two nights ago that same granddaughter lost a boy that she went to school and relilgon with. He was hit headon by a drunk driver who crossed the yellow line. He was only 20.

Now to my neighbor. She is in her 50s and a little person. For years she has been under the thumb of her sister in law. She has been mentally abused by her. The sister in law was her payee for Social Security. I have seen some of her papers and know her income and believe that she has been robbed of her money for years. Our service co ordinator has been helping her to sign up with a new payee through a social network here. By law if she even suspects any wrong doing she has to report it or lose her job or worse. Now it is in the hands of the social worker and my friend is so worried about her sister in law. She even talks to her and reverts back to her old self image of someone who is bad and uncapable, an image that has been put to her for years by her sister in law, Her brother is so afraid of his wife that he goes along with her. It is a real mess.

Just a few weeks ago he was supposed to take her to lunch and spend the day with her. Instead he let her wait all day then that evening his wife called and told her that he couldn't make it but would see her in church the next night. He didn't even have the b--- to tell her himself. The church is so much like a cult that it really worries me when they get their grip on her. To make matters worse that night she told me that she wanted to kill herself. Thank God she came to me and we talked. Still she is back and forth. They are just about all the family that she has and she is afraid to lose them. I want to help her but I get so angry when she turns a blind eye and starts making excuses for them. At any rate it is out of her hands now. Nothing anyone can do to stop the process. The so called records her sister in law gave her are a laugh. I just keep hoping that she gets what is coming to her and my neighbor doesn't suffer because of it.

Now to the most bizzar thing. Many of you may remember a couple of years ago when I wrote about a guy who lives her that took advantage and money from one of our neighbors who had breast cancer and a breast removed. Well this *ss for some reason has decided to pick on my same neighbor who is having so many problems. He went to court and tried to get a restraing order against her. He says because she is bounching a ball in the hall and listening at his door. She didn't even know where his apartment was until I showed her. Well I have pictures of him on his bike and I am waiting to see him and his so called caregiver( I don't think the state intended to pay for that kind of care giving) smooching and more. I have a good view from my window and I am prepared to take pictures and go to court because this *ss filed an appeal and got another court date. Can you believe wasting the states money when we are all ready so far in debt? The first just all but laughed him out of court. Just hope he doesn't back out, Me and about 10 or 15 other neighbors are prepared to go to court with her. We have a lot we could tell.

Oh gee I am sorry that I went on and on. I guess I just needed to vent and once I started I couldn't stop. Again thank you for your love and prayers for Misty and me. I will try to do better with my support to all of you. God Bless and keep you all.

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It was so nice to see your post. I always think of you since you live in Redding, where I have family, and I was wondering how you were doing.

I am so sorry about Misty as I know well how hard it is to make that decision, and how much we miss them. Losses are hard at any time, and it does seem like they come more and more often as we get older.

Your neighbors are certainly blessed to have you however. My parents had a neighbor who tried to keep an eye out for them and it was such a blessing.

I truly believe that when we go through these periods of loss and troubles, that there are good times and joy right around the corner.

Wishing you all the best,


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Vent away ! That is why we are here!! sorry for all the trouble your having around you though and hope things get a little better for you Lillian!!

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Im sorry for the loss of your dog Lily. Its amazing how we bond with our dogs and vice versa. I stopped by my sisters the other night who works at a assissted living faculity. She had a new dog there and I asked where she got it. It seems the owner passed away last week and had no close relatives. This dog was his closest companion for the last nine years. But you could just see the heartbreak in this little dogs eyes. I felt so sorry for him.

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After Johnny died I would notice Misty watching every man she saw, especially if one was his hight or dressed as he had. I have a vidio of him and I would play it often. When Misty would hear his voice she would lay by the tv and stay there for the rest of the day.

I know that she missed him so much and now it is my turn to miss them both. Animals have such personality. Each is so different from the others.

Thank you everyone for your kind words. It has been hard but I know she is better off. She had gotten so slow and and slept a lot, still up until that last day she never lost the sparkle in her eyes.

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I wanted to take Misty up to Washington and put her ashes next to Johnny's but even though she would be cremated anyway they would have to turn her remains over to a pet cemetery and they would charge me and additional $100 that I just can't afford. So as much as I hated it I had to let them dispose of her remains. I have to believe that it doesn't matter. I want to picture her running free along a river with Katie at her side and Johnny looking on. Maybe that is what it is like across the rainbow bridge.

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Lily, I'm just seeing this now. I am so sorry for the loss of Misty. Having first been Johnny's, I know that makes it doubly hard to lose her. The dramas you describe going on around you are, I supose, the flip side of living in a community of people who are not strangers so you are not completely alone. It must be hard to live in the middle of such injustice though. Come back and vent whenever you feel the need.

Judy in KW

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