curlysue50 Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 I have been working at regaining strength and health for the last several months after finding a treatment that is working to keep my stage 4 lung cancer at bay. I have regained so much of my health, but I still have damage from bone mets that have made finding an excercise routine a challenge. I have been swimming and doing some water aerobics after walking aggravated hip and leg pain. I have been getting shoulder and arm pain after my workouts, which I had hoped would go away after the muscles got stronger. It is getting worse. I pushed pretty hard at my class yesterday. I went to bed feeling fine at 11 pm and woke up in terrible pain at 1:30am and sat up in the living room with a heating pad on my shoulder. Now at 9:30am, 2 Aleve, Icy Hot, and more time on the heating pad I am sore, but can function. Usually the pain will last 30 minutes or so, and the heating pad will loosen it up. I read about so many lung cancer survivors who go on to run marathons, triathalons, bike and get back to such great physical condition. I guess I am naturally competive and feel like if others can do it, so can I. I have a hard time not pushing myself. I need to respect my limits and listen to my body. I don't want to be a whiny baby or feel like I am making excuses not to be accomplishing more with excercise. I don't want to feel guilty. I am so grateful to be alive, to be surviving. I don't want to waste time beating myself up for not trying hard enough. Despite my best intentions I am struggling a bit to not feel like I am giving up. Continuing to increase my pain levels does not seem like a good choice. I guess I need to accept and appreciate what I DO have and work with that. As I reread my post, I think the real issue I am dealing with here is that this pain is a brutal reminder of the devastating damage lung cancer has had on my body. I am trying to be rational and not feel negative, but this morning the reality of lung cancer sucks. It is a horrible disease and I hate what it has done to me and my life. I hope to feel better when this pain eases, but that is what I am feeling in this moment. I suppose it is okay to be human, sometimes. Sent from my SCH-I405 using Tapatalk 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dianew Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 Susan - a very insightful post. I think most of us hate to admit we can't do what we used to (and I think that's true even for people without cancer). Until I had my lung removed 14 years ago I completely took my health for granted - but even after the lung was removed it didn't slow me down that much. The 3-4 years prior to my new dx I was in the best shape of my life. Gym 3 times a week, treadmill 5 times a week, etc. In my case it's not bone mets, but the radiation damage to my remaining lung that has had a major impact on what I am able to do -- and it is very frustrating. Even with one lung I had no real limitations to what I could do - now there are limitations everywhere I look. I find I either want to ignore the limitations and push myself beyond what is reasonable (for which I pay dearly) or just give up and not try at all (to avoid being reminded how little I can do now). Mostly I try to focus on the fact that it was a trade off. Going in I really didn't know that the treatment would leave me with this much residual damage, but even if I had known I wouldn't have done differently as the quality of life since has been well worth it - even if not quite the same as it once was. But I would be lying if I didn't say that there were days when I sure wish I could feel like I did before, even if just for a day. As you said, I guess that is just being human. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
curlysue50 Posted October 11, 2012 Author Share Posted October 11, 2012 Thanks for the encouraging words, Katie. I have a little pain left today, but this I can cope with. Yesterday was terrible and I do not deal well with severe pain. I am thinking that is somewhat common. I don't think or reason quite as clearly and felt bad about being negative. I do realize those who do so well after being treated for lung cancer are early stage survivors. Yesterdays post was a RSVP to ATTEND my own personal pitty party, I am a bit ashamed to admit. I do recognize my own growth, but do have fears some days about what my stage 4 will bring me and when. I am not letting those fears rule my life anymore. Severe pain will often trigger those fears in me. Still working on finding some peace during those more challenging times. Already planning on how I will "gentle down" my time in the pool tomorrow. I won't give up, I am looking for a place in the middle, where I can take care of myself. You are a great inspiraation and support to me. You say it how it is and don't listen to excuses. You are real and genuine and I truly appreciate that about you! Susan Sent from my SCH-I405 using Tapatalk 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beatlemike Posted October 11, 2012 Share Posted October 11, 2012 Susan, I agree with everything that Diane and Katie said. Dont compare yourself to others,every case is differant. I admire you very much for what you have been doing. It is much more of a challenge for someone who is stage 3 or 4 to do a fraction of what someone stage 1 or 2 is doing. Keep up the fantastic work and attitude! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eric byrne Posted October 11, 2012 Share Posted October 11, 2012 Hi Susan, Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us,I can learn so much reading from others experiences and feelings,we are all human and it is amazing to me to find so many things in survivors reflections that have crossed my mind.For the life of me,I dont have the puff to run for more than a couple of minutes,I go on the treadmill in the gym,I set it at 3.5mph and a gradient of 3%,and I am off,a couple of minutes into my exercise I am usually flanked on both sides with fit young guys,who set their machines for the four minute mile,and run furiously for about an hour,I used to feel so crestfallen,not any more,I now accept what I can do and be happy with that,who knows maybe one day,I can regain a fitness level that will allow me to run a bit?. I was sorry to read about your pain,I do hope this will ease to disappear soon as.Dont worry about sharing a good moan whenever you feel the need,we all do from time to time,it was just your turn.Best Wishes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 Susan, I'm not a lung cancer patient, but you inspire me with all that you are able to do and all that you attempt to do . I totally agree with everyone about not comparing yourself to others. Every case of lung cancer is different and every person is different. From where I sit, you are simply amazing and by sharing your personal thoughts and fears you help others. Hope you will soon be feeling much better. Hugs, Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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