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Feeling useless. Fun ideas/inspiration


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My fathers always been a busy hard worker. He is not use to being so useless. All he does is sits around, waiting to die! Stage 4 lung cancer is no walk in the park, but he needs to figure it out. He says its hard to see && theres fatigue, lack of appetite, he has a terrible cough now that keeps him up at night, he says he wakes up every hour in the night to pee... He can't drive && is forgetful.

Chemo has taken a toll on his abilities && his emotions. He's usually so brave. When he lost his hair he chuckled a little. As he pulled a chunk of hair from his head he laughed && said well the dr. Told me this would happen. It's been about 6 months now since he's been diagnosed && has been receiving treatments. Lately, he's been losing hope && can have angry outbursts over the smallest things. I know it's not his fault, the lung cancer at this stage spread to his brain.

I need help in being the best caregiver I can possibly be cuz if I don't do everything I can, I know I'll regret it. I need ideas to help get him working on something instead of just watching tv all day. He can't work, he's on disability cuz of this. I think needs to try to get 20 minutes of physical activity a day. Any ideas? && I think he needs a bucket list of things to do before he dies. I guess I'm trying to push him to do things that I think any person would enjoy doing in their last days. && I need fun ideas that he would enjoy like a spa day with an amazing massage or maybe find somewhere to go hot tubbing to help him relax cuz he tends to be stressed .

&& he loves making other people happy. Maybe I can convince him to do some volunteer work.

Thanks for your time && responses!

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It seems to me that your father is very depressed which is certainly understandable.

My husband also had stage 4 and the chemo treatments were really hard on him physically. He too didn't want to do much because he was so sick. He also had angry outbursts which is normal.

Does he have other family members or friends that can come over and spend time with him? I would encourage you to try and keep him busy with people. I doubt that any physical activity is good for him considering his condition right now other than physical therapy at home or perhaps shorts walks because of his heavy coughing now.

Have you spoken to his doctor about this? I'm sure he could provide some guidance for you.

I'm sure other members here will follow and give you some great advice.

Please keep us updated.....we care

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does your dad have any hobbies or anything like that we might want to pursue? My wife actually went to school and took Art classes so she could paint while at home.. she did what she wanted to do and did not let cancer dictate her life or sit home and think too much about it..

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Knowing how us guys think, or for that matter how I (and as i have seen some others on this forum) think, why not get him interested in reading up on the forum himself and then taking his battle to the beast itself. That's what I would do. Just because my body or the doctors are telling me one thing, it doesn't mean my mind has to conform. Challenging the Norms is the order of the day!

Other things you can do is find out about his other passions in life and try get him to relive them. Spend a lot of time talking one-on-one and get to know him even better than you already know now. That will help a lot in finding what gets him smiling again.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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Thank you so much for your thoughtful responses! Sorry about your husband. ): its hard when they take they're anger out on others but it makes us stronger. His mom, my grandma visits a lot! She is SOO caring & kind & it hurts when he doesn't appreciate all she does. She comes over 3 times a week. Cleans, brushes his hair now that its grown back, massages his scalp when he was bald, back massages, takes us out to eat, she would do ANYTHING for him. But she talks a lot and about random things. He gets annoyed & doesn't know how to just bite his tongue. Eh but my grandma loves him && doesn't take it personally. My brother lives a block away && visits a couple times a week. My dad doesn't have many friends (thinks theyre all drunks) but loves his dog!

His hobby was working on cars & snowmobiles && he was so good at it! Now he can't see what he's doing he says. He enjoys hunting, && got out there this year with brother && friends. It's not hunting season anymore tho... He's a good cook && used to enjoy baking && cooking meals. He spent a lot of time on the computer, he was an active seller on eBay. Would pick up treasures from garage sales && sell them on eBay. He likes the history channel && WWII movies, he never was in the army or anything tho. He used to like to make little ship models && paint them. && he likes his old war video games.

Grew up a farm boy, hard worker for as long as he can remember. We watched football all day today && I said so what's on your to do list? He said oh nothing. I was like well how do u feel accomplished when u get nothing done? He told me if he gets 8 hours of sleep at night & eats something he feels accomplished. He also said hey, I didn't smoke a cigarette today. I told him he shouldn't be anyways cuz he has cancer!

Gosh I appreciate having people to talk to who are going through the same thing! He said the anti depressants made his vision && hearing worse. He doesn't believe in counsellors cuz they're just watching the clock && once he starts to feel better they tell him times up. They just want they're money.

His phlem cough really bugs him, keeps him from sleep. Anyone have a cure? He uses cough drops.

&& has anyone heard of Burzynski? His anti neoplasm method for curing cancer sounds amazing. It was a very educational documentary we watched on Netflix.

The art classes sound like an amazing idea. Beautiful art work you'll be able to keep forever. (: I wanna convince him to do fun stuff he did when he was a kid! Sledding, ice skating, just throw a ball around...

Told him we needa make a fun list. Thanks again for your words of wisdom.

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Sounds like he has a loving family and that's so very important for him during this time.

You mentioned his coughing. My husband had that also and used a nebulizer machine with a medication called albuterol. Perhaps his doctor could give him this. I know it helped my husband a great deal plus I use it myself for asthma. It really helps!

Please keep us updated on your dad :)

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