Jump to content

Cheering Up??


Guest

Recommended Posts

** I had posted this in General before seeing this forum, sorry for the duplication***

My dad was diagnosed just five days ago and it already has been a battle of emotions. My sister and I have a huge battle ahead of not only keeping his spirits up but also my mothers.

He just turned 50 last september and my parents have been married for over 31 yrs. They are the most together couple I have ever seen, and so this news has shattered them both.

My father buried his sister, who was just 53, last month. She passed from Lung Cancer. So dealing with that is still fresh. My mother is a breast cancer survivor of 5 yrs. Our family struggled with trying to keep my mother upbeat through her own experience and so we feel this will be even worse. How do you tell your father that everything will be ok when his biggest supporter doesnt believe it?

At this point we are uncertain of everything. We have to wait to have a CT scan to determine what if any treatment will be available.

My sister and I dont know how we are to keep the family strong when both the people we look up to the most have already given up.

Has anyone had to deal with similiar situations where their loved ones gave up before it got going?

I could really use some help in ways of lifting their spirits.....thanks.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Tracy.

Sorry to hear your family has been hit so hard; it must be quite a trying time for you all. Your father needs to know that his fate can be VERY different than that of his sister's. He needs to see that there are many people these days being diagnosed, treated, and surviving this terrible disease. There are people right here on this message board who have gone through two and even three diagnoses and treatments, and are still very positive about their futures. He needs to know that there are some people here on this board that have had their cancers go away after only a few treatments. Your dad needs to know that there are plenty of lung cancer survivors right here on this message board that have been around for anywhere from three, eight, fourteen, to twenty six years (that's me)

after their treatments.

Tracy, if you haven't already shown your parents this website, it's time you did; or at least you read through and print off some of the wonderful stories of encouragement, fighting spirit, and survival for your father to read. The best thing you could do is to have your father register on the message board and introduce himself to the fantastically supportive group of people here. You said you and your sister are having a difficult time keeping your parent's spirits up. Tracy, your parents, and your father in particular, have to find it within themselves to fight this thing and have a purpose, or a goal so that they have a reason to fight and keep their own spirits up (with a little help from you guys, of course)

Does your dad play golf? I don't want to be presumptuous, but may I suggest your father sends a personal message or e-mail to Dave Grant, one of the administrators on this message board. If you have read some of the posts, you might already know that Dave has unfortunately been recently diagnosed for a third time. This man has more fighting spirit, and positive attitude in him than anyone in his position would ever be expected to have; if he could find some way to bottle it, he would be a millionaire over night. I can't help thinking that he has already perfected the cyber-rub-off with his special attitude, because it sure affects me, and I've seen what it has done for others on this board. I'm sure some of it would also rub off on your father. Keep us posted Tracy, and I hope to meet your father real soon. Take care,

David P.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Tracy,

My Mom found out last month she has Non Small Cell Lung Cancer stage IIIB that is inopertable. This is a very difficult time for my family as well but I feel day by day we are getting stronger except my Dad. He won't talk about it and this bothers my Mom because not only is she worried about herself but him as well. I know it is going to be a long road ahead I just hope Dad can find some hope somewhere and help us help her beat this. I wish you and you family the best. I have no advise because I am in the same boat but I am sure these great people here will be able to help.

Tammy

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you all for your well wishes....I am so glad that I found this website. It truly is wonderful to hear all the support and see all the wonderfull stories of people surviving this awful disease.

Its a waiting game right now until we get the CT scan done and see what lays ahead.

Thank you again, my outlook has already done a complete turnaround

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well today dad had his CT scan so now hopefully we will have the results by either tomorrow or the next day.

My aunt and uncle came for a visit from out of town this weekend and we had a group meeting where we basically told my dad that we were going to kick his butt if he didnt snap out of it and start fighting. I think it may have worked because yesterday before I left the house I gave him a hug and told him to think positive and he responded saying that he was going to fight! Now I dont know if that was for my sake or if he really meant it. Hopefully he did.

Its scarry not knowing anything, but I am also scared of what they may tell us. Just going to keep thinking positively and praying lots.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest DaveG

Tracy:

I am going to add to what David P had to say about me.

First, I am 59 years old. I was diagnosed when I was 57 with Stage I Non Small Cell Lung Cancer, Adenocarcinoma, with a 3 cm tumor in the lower lobe of my right lung. I had my first surgery on October 8, 2001 and was declared cancer free, as there was no cancer in the peripheral tisuue and the 10 lymph nodes removed during the surgery were negative for cancer.

All went well for about 10 months. I had regained most of my weight and was out almost everyday playing golf. In August 2002, I noted that I was tiring very easy and started to lose weight. i went to my family doctor and he ordered a CT Scan. This scan revealed what appeared to be a new tumor in the lower lobe of my right lung, about the same place as before and about the same size. I went for a consultation with my thoracic surgeon and it was decided upon that I should have another surgery. This time the tumor was benign and the 6 lymph nodes taken in this surgery were negative for cancer as well.

On April 1, I went for my 6 months post surgical check-up. A CT chest scan was done, which revealed that I had several lymph nodes in my chest "lighting up". I was referred to my oncologist, Dr. Joan Schiller, at the University of Wisconsin Comprehensive Cancer Center. Dr. Schiller ordered a PET Scan, which was done on April 16. The PET Scan revealed cancer in multiple lymph nodes in my chest, groin, and neck. The largest node being around the apex of my heart. A biopsy of several of the nodes in my neck was done that afternoon. Following the biopsy, Dr. Schiller discussed the possibilities with my wife and I. The possibilities ranged from a new cancer, such as Lymphoma, which would be the best possibilty, to a massive infection, which would be treated with antibiotics (outside possibility), to the worst case scenario, metastatic lung cancer.

A return appointment was made for April 18, to receive the results of the biopsy. When Dr. Schiller escorted my wife and I into the exam room, arranged three chairs in a circle, I knew, even before she told us, I was facing the worst case scenario. Dr. Schiller then told us that I had sytemic metastatic lung cancer to my lymphatic system and that, because of the systemic nature, I was restaged to Stage IV Non Small Cell Lung Cancer. She then asked me for my intentions. Before I could say anything, my wife told Dr. Schiller that she would like me to be around for our 50th Wedding Anniversary in less than 18 years. Dr. Schiller asked if that was my intentions also and without a doubt, my intentions are to celebrate our 50th Wedding Anniversary in 18 years. Dr. Schiller then told us that my wife would have to wait during the first dance, as Dr. Schiller wants that reserved for her.

This next Monday, May 5, I start chemo, Carboplatin/Taxil, plus I have been entered into a Phase II Clinical Trial, which I start on Tuesday May 6. The Clinical Trial is ABT-510, which entails having to give myself a shot twice a day for 18 weeks. In the 18 weeks I will receive 6 cycles of chemo, a cycle every 3 weeks. I will be receiving the heaviest dose possible.

I know that the next several months may not be the easiest of my life, but it beats the alternative. I am planning to kick this right in the *ss and beat this. As Dr. Schiller says, she will not be able to cure my cancer, but she wants to arrest it and bring it under control. She also told me, that after the 18 week cycle, I can expect about a two month rest and we start over again with a new round of chemo and very probably a new clinical trial. This will continue until she is satisfied that we have it under control.

To me life is far too precious to let go without a fight. I was a career soldier, having spent 20 years of my life in the US Army. I know all about battles, but this next battle is for my life. I am not about to roll over and surrender. There are far too many forms of treatment available and I will take advantage of as many as I can before I quit, which will be never. As long as there is hope, I will fight. As long as there is love, I will continue to fight, as long as I have support from all the caring people in my life, to include all the people here at LCSC, I will continue to fight.

With each starnd of hair I lose, there goes a cancer cell. If I get sick and vomit, I will be vomiting up cancer cells. Each time I relieve myself, I will be ridding my body of cancer cells.

David P has survived 20 years, Connie B has survived 8 years, and there are others who have survived for many years as well. these people are my cancer heroes. They are my examples of courage. The people here at LCSC are the most wonderful people in the world. The knowledge of lung cancer here is better than I have found elsewhere.

I started here as a Stage I, fighting for all those in the advanced stages of lung cancer, be it SCLC or NSCLC. I was the one offering support and encouragement. Now I find that the role has reversed. I am the one looking for support and encouragement. And I have found it. I pray that i will be able to give daily reports as to my progress. If I am unable to do so, my wife is Barb G registered on the board as well, she will update, with as much help as I am able to give her.

Tracy, I hope all this helps. I hope you will share this with your father and your family. Lung Cancer is about Hope. We cannot and must not blame ourselves for past behaviors are life styles. They are done and over with. If science knew what caused cancer none of us would have to be here. Many on this board were non-smokers or never smokers, so explain how, to me, they got lung cancer? None of us asked for this disease. None of us wanted this disease. I am going to speak for a vast majority of us here, WE WANT TO BE CURED. We want to beat this disease.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well put, Davey my boy!

(and it's been 26 yrs for me)

I tell you Dave, your family must be VERY proud of you - I sure am. But I don't envy you one bit as you prepare for next Monday. But if you believe, as I do, that everything happens for a reason...well, you know, you have been pretty involved in the counseling and advising of those people going through chemo and radiation...

And I've been trying to put myself in your shoes. I don't think I could EVER come close, but with my attitude, I'd be treating this as a learning experience, and trying to take away with me anything good that may come from it (cause you also know, everything has a bright side, its just a little hard to find sometimes), and that's why I mentioned the "on-the-job-training"

you'll be getting for your expanded roll as a chemo/rad counselor here on the message board. It's just how I see you handling this thing. Love ya, Dave. Go out and treat yourself all this week!

David

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well we received the results today.....not much of a help though as more tests need to be done. The doctor wants to do a biopsy of the lung tissue and also would like to do a ultrasound as the CT scan showed that the liver is enlarged.

I am very scared.My mom has deduced that by the liver being enlarged that that means that it has spread. The doctor didnt say that exactly but he didnt say that it wasnt a concern either.

We all thought that we would know more about what we are facing today but instead now we have to wait for future dates unknown as to when he will get those tests, but they did put a rush on it.

My parents have decided to take off again...hopefully this is just for the day...after my dad was diagnosed they took off to the States to go play at the casino and didnt come back for days. My dad didnt want to come home.

I feel so alone right now. I have no one to turn to. My mom and dad have each other, my sister has her husband and I am alone. My exboyfriend (I was with him for 5 yrs and although we are no longer dating we are still the best of friends) was not around when my mom went through her cancer battle (he was over in the Persian Gulf during the Gulf Crisis a few years ago) and I was so relieved that he would be here for me now. I feel safe when he holds me. But he does contract construction and left for Oklahoma last friday.

I feel terrible in saying this, but I dont want to be around my mother right now. She heard the word cancer and immediately gave my dad a death sentence. She hears nothing my sister and I say to her. I want to slap her and tell her that even though I cannot fully understand what she is going through, being that this is her husband/best friend, she needs to remember that this is our father and we need her to be here for us too.

I am the baby of the family and yet it seems that I have to be the one to hold us all together. I feel that this is too much to take on.

Sorry for going on and on but I need to get some of this off my chest.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Tracy,

I know exactly how you feel I am the baby of the family too. I feel your frustration and I know what it' like to be the "glue". Take a breath, make a game plan and play the much hated "waiting game" until you guys know what you're up against. Then you can fight with all your might and tell your mom exactly how you feel and what you've learned about your dad's dx. Until then, come here, vent and lean on us, we are here for you. Your family are in my prayers.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think one of the worst things about this disease, Tracy, is the waiting -- waiting for the doctor's appointment, waiting for test results, waiting for treatment to start/stop. It is very frustrating. My suggestion is you talk with your mom about your feelings that you have shared here. Maybe you are the one who has to be the focal point of hope and positiveness. Somebody has to do it! I hope you find the support you need there, and we are always here. Blessings. Don

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dad had his ultrasound done yesterday and......

Good News!!! Finally some news! The liver is fine!!!!

Initially we did not know, as the lab sent the pictures only and not the report. They think that it may have spread into his chest wall and so more tests are scheduled. The biopsy is next wednesday, the bone scan is next tuesday, today was a breathing test, more blood work....poor guy. Apparently surgery looks out of the question as the tumor takes up about 1/2 of the lung and is around an artery.

Still have to wait two more weeks ( one week for the test and then a week for the results to come back) but at least we have hope now!

After talking with my mom yesterday ( no one said anything about the liver and neither her or my dad ASKED!) I got so incredibly down in the dumps myself.....she told me to wake up and face the fact of what is going on and start preparing. I felt like I had a huge amount of weight on my shoulders for the entire night, not good!

But today I talked with my mom and I told her that until I am told otherwise I feel that there is always hope and I will remain positive. And I cant deal with their negativity. She understood and said she would try to be better.

And then she called with the great news!!!! She had called the doctor about an anti-depressant and he told her everything was ok with the liver. This is the best possible news for right now, it has changed my mothers view altogether....now she has hope too!

Crossing my fingers that she remains hopeful and that it may rub off on my dad!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh Tracy - That's great news - all the way around.

When Mike was diagnosed with lung cancer that was ALREADY metastesized to his liver (very advanced was the word our GP put in a report)....I thought my life was OVER! Everyone I knew that had liver cancer was gone in less than 6 weeks. But that was years ago...

Mike has successfully fought the cancer for 16 months...and there still IS NOT any "blood count evidence" that his liver is failing.

I'm saying this because I want you to know how good your father's chances are - especially now that you know it's not in the liver! That's one less thing to battle!

I'm so happy for you!

Love and hugs,

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.