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Not coping well


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Today is one of those days that I am not coping well and I expect I will have a few more this week. I'm heading into town in a while to have my birthday lunch alone. I guess that is better than last year when I spend the whole day holed up in my apartment and heard not one human voice all day. It was so soon after Johnny died that I really only wanted to be alone but would have liked to have heard from someone. My own family were all hundreds and thousands of miles away. Johnny's family were near but they just never bothered to call. I've had several messages this morning but still feel very alone and can't get last year off of my mind. I just miss Johnny so much.

Saturday is Valentines Day and should have been mine and Johnny's first wedding aniversary. That too will be hard to face. What makes it even worse is that some friends of mine in Louisiana are getting married that day. I can't even work up enough strength to congradulate them. They have no idea what that day means to me so I doubt they will understand.

It is just so hard to face all of these dates that should have been special days with Johnny. Even now well over a year the pain is as sharp as it was a year ago. I'm just not sure how to cope and not sure that I will ever know how.

I have a job application to turn in today. It asks about training and school and of coarse what I was doing during the times that I was not working. How do you explain that you were trying to face a life alone? How do I tell them that my other off times was used raising a family and all that requires? These things make me feel so inadaquit as if just being a wife or home maker is nothing and time spent grieving has no place in the fob field.

All I am applying for is a job of sales clerk. If I were eighteen instead of sixty I wouldn't need to answer those questions. I'm beginning to feel like the people that I cared for. As if once you reach a certain age you just don't count any more. I used the pharase emotoinally neglected when talking about Johnny. Now I feel like I am going into the same situation he was in. I feel emotionally neglected by both society and the ones that I love.. My family especially because they have no idea what I have been through this past two years. To them Johnny was just someone from my past that I ended up with after divorcing their dad..

Oh well I guess I am just feeling sorry for myself. Time to get up from here and do something before this day like so many others just slips away with me still setting here wondering how I will spend this day alone.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY and many more.

I just went through mine all alone (76 years) and nobody to care one

way or the other, you are not the only one that has to celebrate alone.

The pain of one person is never the same as somebody else pain,

but just to know that we love you should put a wee bit of a

smile on your lips and in your heart.

Love you Lily

J.C. and again Best Wishes on your Birthday.

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Sound to me like you're "coping" just fine. I do not understand why we say we "aren't coping well" or "aren't handling this well" when, in fact, we are simply HURTING over something! (I say "we" because I do it, also).

I have a question for you. If you (and I) get so mad at folks who tell us we have to "get over it" or "get on with our lives" and such .... why do we do it to ourselves!?!?

So... I hope you have a WONDERFUL lunch (I've had "alone" birthday lunches myself a few times) and here's hoping the job thingy goes REAL well.


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What I'd give to be there right now to take you out to lunch and just listen. Better yet, you could be here in Georgia with me, T-Bone, and all our other family members and we'd do it (your birthday celebration) up right, cause you deserve it.

Take care of yourself, and let the memories that were to be on the 14th warm your heart.

You're in my thoughts and prayers.



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Job questions - time of "no employment":

19xx-19xx Position: Manager, small business. Duties included: Managing travel plans, balancing calendars, first aid, budgeting and cost cutting, making due with available stock, interpersonal skills, dealing with difficult customers, coaching co-worker development, resolving conflict between staff members, encouraging staff to grow and move on. Worked well with no supervision.

200x-200x Position: End of life advocate. Duties included: Keeping morale high, scheduling doctor visits, keeping medication dosage correct and timely, confronting legal issues, easing patient's journey and stress.

Please, do not think of your time out of the work force as "time away from work" - AS IF! Envision it as a job (big stretch, huh? LOL) and list your job duties as such...and explain it when asked. Successful stay-at-home moms have diverse skills that are put into play daily....high stress job, bad pay, great rewards!

I hope your birthday was "happy," considering.


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Dear lilyjohn,

First, I would like to wish you a Happy, Happy Belated Birthday. I am still learning to navigate this site and hopefully, in a more timely fashion.

I so appreciate your recent response to my post. There is a comfort just knowing there are those out there who can relate to your pain and grief. I wish I had the answer as to how to make the pain go away because I would certainly do it myself.

It was a month yesterday since Sam died and it seems like an eternity. I so wish we could go back and do things differently. While I struggle with the what ifs of his care, we, of all people, know medicine is not a perfect art. When people would ask why and there was no answer, Sam's response was, " just bad luck ". It was often the only honest answer he could give. I constantly waver back and forth between rational thought and the what ifs.

While I can not say for sure, I have heard there are places who are inclined to hire the mature employee because they are more reliable and dependable than the younger ones. Walmart comes to mind as one and I think they are always hiring around this area.

Please remember you are in my thoughts and prayers.

God bless us all,


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