hobored Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 I am having a hard time ...I feel very torn ...I want to be with my husband for chemo round this week...but I have missed a month of work already and have only been seeing my children on the weekends and my husband wants me to stay with them...we are a very close family and I want and need to be in both places. the hospital is 3 hours away...his counts are low but they said they had to continue...I am wondering if it might be worse this time...wish we did not need an income and could grab my children and be with him...anybody have any thoughts..I know that I am just thinking out loud but I thought some of you with young children might be able to give me ideas about how to meet the needs of husband and children ...thank you, karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 Karen, I don't have young children (my little child is now a 6 ft. 27-yr-old), but I can really identify with the time off work issue. I get 5 weeks which includes vacation, sick time, etc. I took a week in early July 2003 when we had our kitchen remodeled, hubby was dx'd in early Aug. and then I used the remaining 160 hrs. on onc. appts, chemo appts, radiation dr. appts., etc., and then in Feb. & Mar. (just when the chemo appts. were starting to wind down), my dad goes in the hospital, ICU for over a month, and now in a long-term acute care facility, so his illness meant more time off (my brother & 2 sisters live out of state). Time off without pay has been a reality now for over a month, but I get a re-start on the 5 wks on May 1. My husb. was doing so well with the gemzar/navelbine chemo, that we both decided I could go ahead and skip the last couple of visits and go to work rather than lose a 1/2 days' pay. It broke my heart because I wanted to be there, but he didn't really "need" me there, so we just made a choice and I went with it. I've decided it's just not always going to be an easy decision. Hubby will probably start new chemo in June, and my dad is looking more and more like this is going to be a very long (if not permanent) situation. I'm paying his bills, our own bills, taking care of two houses, working a full-time job, going to all these appointments - whine, whine, whine - but when I have to make those tough decisions, I just pick what I think is most important and go with it. That's about all you can do, too. Little kids need their mommies, but so do sick hubbies, so sometimes it's gonna have to be eany meany miney moe and then just go with it, knowing that you made the best decision you could. Hang in there, kiddo! God will give you the strength to make decisions (without guilt). I know He's gonna do that because I just asked him to! . Then you just make the decision and let it go Lots of hugs, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 Oops. I guess I wasn't logged in. Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 Do you have someone else that could go with him? I understand how torn you feel. When John was in chemo I was able to leave work and go with him but there were a couple of times we had conflicts and I had to find someone else to go with him. I just didn't think he should be there alone. One time his dad went, and another time a good friend. Rochelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hobored Posted April 10, 2004 Author Share Posted April 10, 2004 thank you for responding...this helps to let me know that I am not alone and that many others have walked in my shoes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 Karen, I can understand how you feel only in a different manner. My husband's job as a tugboat capt takes him away for months at a time so he has missed quite a bit of work this year to be with me for treatments. It's not easy having to fly south from Alaska for treatments. I suppose it's fortunate we don't have little ones. As Rye said how about a family member or good friend to accompany him? I made my husband take a break from going to my treatments & had a friend or family member take me. As the caregiver being with your children could be the break you need. Financially it can be very tough also. Has your husband tried for disability through Social Security? I wish you both the best & am sending prayers & positive energy your way. Rachel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeanCarl Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 Karen, My mother died of LC a little over 5 years ago. She was in Seattle at the time and I live in the San Diego area, 1200 miles away. She'd been under hospice care for a couple of months. The week we were informed my Mom had very little time left my wife became very ill. I had to make the choice between staying in San Diego and taking care of my wife or going to Seattle to be with my Mom. It was a very difficult choice, but I made it based on one simple criteria ... where was I needed MOST? I ended up staying with my wife and allowing my cousin and aunt to do what was necessary for my Mom. It's hard, in a time of high emotion, to try to look at things with an objective point of view, but sometimes it's necessary. Dean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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