Psychological Issues

[Guest Estrea]

Every time it's time to go for that CT-Scan (every 6 months), I still have my husband come and hold my hand. It is 4 1/2 years, yet I am a nervous wreck every time. Being an early stage survivor is wracked with psychological issues for me. The physical part was nothing compared to the anxiety. I think of terrorism as having two fronts for me -- the one I face living in NYC from Al Qaeda and the one possibly inside of me. They feel the same -- something that may or may not be lurking around the corner ready to take me away from my family. Only difference is Al Qaeda could also take my kids...and that is even worse.

[Guest DaveG]

Estrea:

You definitely are not alone. I, too, get nervous right before that 3 month checkup. With all the headlines, the uncertain times, and remembering 9/11, for a New Yorker, I can only surmise, what may be going through your mind. We're all anxious about what tomorrow will bring, but, yet, we have no control. It is just like us with cancer, each day is a new day, what tomorrow brings is yet to found.

My prayers go out for all the men and women in uniform, and I include police, fire fighters, and all those who work behind the scenes. I pray that our way of life will prevail.

With Valentines Day only a few hours away, I pray that love will reign supreme.

[Connie B]

dear Estrea,

Well my dear, it's been 7+ years for me and I STILL get anxious come check up time. (I'm guessing it's for ever and ever, amen)! God knows that LIFE HAS CHANGED for all of us as we once KNEW it in more ways then ONE!!!

And just so you know, if things get hairy in NEW YORK, you & the family can always come and stay in MINNESOTA with us!! WHO in God's name would want to come here and freeze there () off???? Although, we do have the Mall of America here!!! hummmm! I live 45 miles from it! (grin)

Her's a thought for you. I am only a ONE LUNGER, if my cancer comes back???? hummmmmm!

We all need one another and thank GOD we have that!! GOD BLESS US ALL AND GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!

Oh just so you know, no one in Minnesota is buying up duct tape and plastic (yet anyway)!. Which means we are either very stupid people with frozen brains, or we are very confidant & cocky people with no brains!! hehehee, just kidding, just kidding!! We have to be strong and we will be!!! (((((((((ESTREA))))))))) ((((((Hugs to ALL)))))

Warm and Gentle Hugs,

[gail]

I can handle the testing--it's the waiting afterwards for the phone call that gets me. I watch the phone everytime it rings. I had a few bad phone calls, so now I wait until I am at the comfort of my home to receive calls.

[Guest DaveG]

Being an avid Packers fan (is there another team in the NFL), I can certainly understand the thinking of those in Minnesota. They don't have any worries.

Afterall they got the Vikings to protect them. Well, now that I think about that, maybe they should buy duct tape and the plastic sheets.

[jeannie_nixon]

Every time it's time to go for that CT-Scan (every 6 months), I still have my husband come and hold my hand. It is 4 1/2 years, yet I am a nervous wreck every time. Being an early stage survivor is wracked with psychological issues for me. The physical part was nothing compared to the anxiety. I think of terrorism as having two fronts for me -- the one I face living in NYC from Al Qaeda and the one possibly inside of me. They feel the same -- something that may or may not be lurking around the corner ready to take me away from my family. Only difference is Al Qaeda could also take my kids...and that is even worse.

Hi... I stumbled across this site looking for some

kind of support for being a survivor of lung cancer. I'm

saying "survivor" but I am living in constant fear

that it will return. In July of 2000 I had to go and

have a chest xray because I am immigrating to Australia.

My partner lives here. They found a tiny shadow on my

right lung. As I was in Australia at the time on a

visitors visa I decided to return to Canada and have it

looked into there. The doctors in Australia and also

in Canada said not to worry.. that it looked harmless.

Thank Heavens for the Lung specialist in canada... she

had a very bad feeling about it and referred me to a

lung surgeon. I had a cat scan when I returned to

canada and from july to october the mark had not changed

in size. The lung specialist and the lung surgeon

both recommended surgery. I was admitted to hospital in

Victoria, B.C. and had surgery on November 30th. I

had a right thoracotomy wedge resection proving the mark

to be malignant. The tumour was 1.4 x 1.1 x 0.8 cmh.

There was no lymph node involvement. My partner came

over to canada on December 15, 2000 in order to help

me recuperate and to take me back to australia. The

operation was horrendous and I had problems with air

leaks. The surgeon in canada told me that I was to have

chest xrays every three months for the first two years

and every six months thereafter. My partner and I

returned to Australia in January 2001 and I began the

process again of applying for permanent residency. They

finally granted me a temporary visa after much hassle

as I failed the health requirement to immigrate here.

I am now at the stage of awaiting my permanent

residency status.. I just sent all the paper work in a couple

of weeks ago and I pray that they will let me stay.

There has been no mention of having to provide a

doctors report for the permanent residency. That brings me

to my dilema. When I returned to Australia after

surgery I was very diligent in going for my xrays every

three months.. I did it three times and each time the

xray was clear. The torment leading up to the xrays was

horrendous.. as I'm sure you can relate.. I worried so

much that there was going to be something there. I

started smoking again... (do I have a death wish or

what?)... and after going diligently for my xrays three

times I promptly stopped going. I have not been to a

doctor for 20 months now and every ache and pain I get I

think that it is cancer. My life is a constant worry.

My thinking is, is that if it returns I will know

about it sooner or later... and if it hasn't then that is

good! I am TERRIFIED to go to the doctor! I've been

reading these survivor stories and everyone seems so

upbeat and positive and I feel so negative. It's as is

I'm sitting on a time bomb! It is part of my life every

single day. It makes me feel better to share my story

with someone. Thanks for listening...

[Don Wood]

Estrea, Lucie still holds my hand whenever there is a scan or a doctor's appointment, etc. If I could detach it, I think she would hold it all the time! Hang in there with us. Don

[Guest DaveG]

Jeannie:

We're all terrified of the check-ups, but we go to them nonetheless. It is what keeps us alive. I get apprehensive with each and every scan, but I still do them. I cherish my life and if this is what it takes to keep me going on, then I do it. We worry, then they tell us everything is ok, and we go on. Yes, I have have had bad scans, but I've also had good scans. I'll take what they give me and I know that my oncologist will be on top of any changes. Just remember you are not alone when you worry about scans.

[Donna G]

Jeannie Welcome! I do believe all of us get "tense" at check up time. Congradulations you just had your Third Anniversary as a survivor. That is always something to celebrate.