t_beanes

today I have been looking at all the cut outs we have made for the house ....where the furniture would fit etc.....I just cannot face it.I start all over again. I miss him so much ...he gave a feeling of home to my life and a feeling of belonging which I never had before . We were so much made for each other and looking after each other.And so much alike...so often he said as well that I had been in his brains stealing his thoughts and that it was uncanny.I don't know what to do with myself not being able to look after him anymore. No laughter either anymore .I feel horrified thinking about the future ..like kicking and screaming . I am sorry if this sounds horrible ....what happens as well is, that having moved house, I don't know anybody here and during the time of Richard's illness nobody was there either to give support. So we were a bit on our own. I did not find these webpages because I had to check on so many other things which were all in spanish and did often go wrong. (Like they gave us to l,ittle chemo pills or confused the dates or forgot to give us stomache protectors etc etc )I feel like danfling in the air all this a bad dream.

I have been inviting friends none stop since Richard left me. Followed by wild car trips to places we have been to together.Until I realized that I was in search of him. Now I have traveled to the UK to show my husbands mother the last photos we had made of each other. It seems quite obvious that we all deal with this differently ....but it all helps to tie the rope from one day to the next. The best times are the busy ones I give you that ! When I have worked hard I had my brains in suspension ...but coming down to earth always thumps loudly. Keep on with your potions.... Regards

Believe it or not we have a little very old lady dog which I promised Richard to look after til the end. And I have to fullfill a promise I gave him.I had promised to do s. th. to help research, or a person with lung cancer...in this vein . Once I have done this I am free to choose.We have said that I will try if I can hack it, but if not that I will go where he is. Which is all I am hanging on for at the moment as yet again I am crying like mad. I have planted a 200 year old olive tree and english roses as I had promised as well....we had just found a house "with garden to be" in an area we had been looking for for 3 years and had bought it dispite Richard's illness. He was only able to live in it for 4 nights. I really don't know who I am any more . I was so much "us" for the past 20 years ....we spent 10 years of those sailing ona boat and were every day together and loved it .He was so much help for me ...explaining the world and people to me as I often walked straight into desaster not beeing able to see it coming.have to stop cannot see any more. I thank you for answering and wish you what you yourself want most of all.

Hi Chris My husband has left me with 55 years of age and I have my dad breathing down my neck . They disliked each other a lot. My father tries very much to get me going back to my home country and to sell our house . This is all a mess and really all I need is that kind of problem as well. I miss my husband more than anything in the world and feel so vulnerable as well. Nobody seeing me this special way any more and making me escape my own self by seeing me another way. I don't know if I can get that across ....in a way one was age less in sucha long relationship ..all beit only 20 short years...but the best of my life. How are you doodeling at the moment ??? I am bathing in salt today and every day is different.Tina

My name is Tina . I am writing from Spain ...my friend and husband suffered from small cell lung cancer and has died of it 28 Feb this year. I don't need to tell you what it means. Its all and everything and only people who have expirienced the loss of a beloved one know what it means. The immediate thoughts of suicide followed by facing a world which has changed totally. People one once knew and have disappeared, people which don't want to know ...bla bla You might guess that I am not a believer in god and I hope this does not upset anyone ???? I cannot see any sense anymore...... So there it is ....I keep reading and want to keep informed about any news concerning sclc.

My name is Tina . I am writing from Spain ...my friend and husband suffered from small cell lung cancer and has died of it 28 Feb this year. I don't need to tell you what it means. Its all and everything and only people who have expirienced the loss of a beloved one know what it means. The immediate thoughts of suicide followed by facing a world which has changed totally. People one once knew and have disappeared, people which don't want to know ...bla bla You might guess that I am not a believer in god and I hope this does not upset anyone ???? I cannot see any sense anymore...... So there it is ....I keep reading and want to keep informed about any news concerning sclc. Merck was working on a treatment option ?