cat127

oh they do a really great job, things like that aren't there long. my point is though, that many folks here are typing within their message their email addresses. and if the board is being hit by spam, it is also being hit by the programs that troll for email addresses and if you type it out with the at sign rather than typing AT, your email is getting picked up and will be spammed. i'm trying to give some folks helpful advice, it is NOT A GOOD IDEA to put on a message board your full email address. check here - it is the number one way that the people who do spam email addresses, get those email addresses. just trying to offer some helpful information http://www.cdt.org/speech/spam/030319spamreport.shtml

i noticed over the weekend that we had a little 'spam' filter through to the board. i also notice that many folks put their email addresses in text of messages. i know they do this to be kind and caring to other posters, but you should know that there are programs that will search message boards for email addresses, collect them, then spam you. one way around it would be to type your email like this myname at hotmail.com then the programs won't find the email. that dang at sign is a sure clue that there is an email address there. just a word of caution from a message board veteran.

i'm guessing they have given your mother thorazine? i would say call the dr and tell them that while you want the hiccups controlled, you also don't want your mother knocked out by the treatment. there are other drugs that doctors can use for treating hiccups. or see if they can reduce the dose enough that she isn't wiped out but that the hiccups stop. i can't find a lable for thorazine (it is a drug that has been around a while so it isn't on the fda website). but i do know that for psychological disorders the drug is given in a range of doses. hiccups can be caused by pressure on the vagus nerve, which i would think could be possible from the tumor mass. though there are a lot of other reasons for hiccups, including the 'we have no idea why' reason. i am a dr of pharmacology, i may be able to add more info if you tell me exactly what the drug and dosage is. but i think your best bet is to tell the dr that the side effects are not acceptable and see what other alternatives they may suggest (different drug or lower dose).

i don't know if it is any consolation, but i can say that at the time, i didn't know how i could make it through the holidays and important events either. but i did. and you will too. just don't beat yourself up for having normal emotions, for grieving. you'll come out the other end eventually, it's just a very rough ride to get there. you will always miss her, but you won't always be sad, i promise. and i do understand how the jewelry is such a part of her. i have my mothers' wedding and engagement ring and i would feel just like you if something happened to them. here's hoping someone can actually retrieve them from the pipes. i'll say a prayer to st. anthony, he was my mum's favorite saint and found things for her all the time.

your niece will know her grandmother, she will know her through you all. it isn't the same, but it sure is a wonderful presence. i had a friend's mother tell me that she was sort of shocked at how much we talked about my father, years after he had died. i didn't think it odd, but then realized that i knew a lot of folks who didn't talk much about the loved ones they lost. maybe it was less painful to not talk about them, but i couldn't imagine not talking about them. so my nieces and nephews who didn't know my dad, still feel like they sort of do know him. and one niece was born 8 days before dad died. naturally she has no memory of him. but one day on her bday, probably her 20th. i emailed her to tell her how much my dad loved her. that the nurses at the hospital told me that 'all he can talk about is that new grandbaby of his', and how my brother had taken a picture of her and it sat on his nightstand for that one week that he was around after she was born. she emailed me back and said "you have no idea what that means to me". i realized that it was a new story for her, and i was sorry i hadn't told her sooner. congrats on your new niece, i'm sorry it is bittersweet, but it is still sweet, so try and dwell on that. and when she is old enough, never stop telling her how much her grandmother loved her, even before she was born.

this has become a bit of a joke with my sister and i. the first time it happened we both laughed, i looked at her and said, excuse me but are you playing the cancer card on me? we both cracked up as she said, why yes i think i am. but now, i encourage it. and i tell people all the time that my plans are dependent on what she wants to do because i let her play the card and i'll do whatever and go wherever she wants. it makes us both chuckle, so far, no guilt at all over it i would say.

YES! and some still have rotting decaying pumpkins whose little carved faces are starting to cave in on themselves. it is a really odd mix of decorations that kinda makes me laugh!

my sister hasn't gotten one either and even though i think it would have been better, i respected her very strong desire to not have one. but i laughed that the dr said to her - if the nurses say you are getting one, you are getting one.

i understand how anxious it must make you, but folks are right, i think the first step is figuring out what about it has you in a panic. if it is truly the job, then maybe it is time to look for a new job. if it is like others have said, the fear of starting back to life as normal or of having to rehash the details with people, which kinda opens the wounds up again, then i think it is one of those things where you just have to jump in with both feet and get it over with. i had started a new job, on paper anyway, whiie i was out of state sitting in the hospital with my mother knowing that she was dying but not knowing when. at one point in the hospital i just looked up at my sisters and said, i can't start a new job now. i was ready to go call the guy i had met only once and tell him i changed my mind. they convinced me to wait and see and that i knew my old job would take me back if i wanted to. in the end, going back to a new job was a Godsend. but i have a job that allowed me to sit in my office and work, often with tears streaming down my face, but without having to interact with others very much. took me a while but eventually i came out of my office. the point of that story, and there is one, is if you can go back to work but sort of hide away for a little bit, that might help some. though many jobs wouldn't work that way, i was lucky that mine did. i guess i would tell you that despite the anxiety, remember that going to work can't be nearly as tough as losing your dad, or watching him suffer. so know that you are strong enough to face it and to not only get through getting back to work, but to triumph over any old job or anxiety attack! hang in there.

brain tumors would not fall into the category of Head and Neck cancers, just an FYI.

i just made a lengthy post on my take on grieving, based on losing both my folks. but the basic gist is, no two people grieve the same and don't beat yourself up if you feel like you aren't doing it right. i think the human mind and spirit are phenomenal things and i think they do all they can to protect us. so sometimes, they don't let us experience the grief until we and they are really ready to deal with it. unfortunately for me, that meant it hit at the strangest times. people expect you to cry in the funeral home, not so much in the grocery store. plus, i found that with my mother, because i watched her lie in a hospital bed for 2 weeks on a respirator, that for a good bit of time after she died, the profound grief for me was overshadowed by the relief for her that she wasn't suffering anymore. eventually, my grief took over. so again, in a nutshell, don't be hard on yourself, you will take your own path in the grief and healing process and it is the right path. and that said, may i add my condolences. i'm new here, so i don't really know many folks. but i'm very sorry for your loss, as i'm aware what treasured things sisters can be.

home, i'd go home. oh what i wouldn't give to live at home. home is pittsburgh PA and i've missed it every day since i moved away from there to go to school. of course i'm back there a lot, as i'm only 3.5 hrs drive and i'm back to be with my sister as often as i can. but what i'd give to live there again. and if i sold my townhouse here in the DC suburbs, i'd be able to buy 2-3 houses there.

i can't speak to loss through LC but i did lose my father at 18 and my mother at 36, so i can relate more than i'd like to. these are a few of the things i learned along the way, for what it is worth. *my father was in a wheelchair when he died and i felt that i would never again see him in my mind as a vibrant man, just the shell of a person he was. but somewhere along the line, and i don't know how long it took, the vision left my mind and now all i see is my dad, not that sick man, just my dad. it takes time but it will happen *people will tell you that time heals all wounds, i say it doesn't so much heal as scab it over. the problem then is that every so often, you bump that scab and it hurts and bleeds again. but in time, you bump it a lot less and in time, it heals a lot faster. but it never goes away. *it is true that you have to go one whole year, experience the first of everything "first bday without them, first spring without them, first new years, etc." before things start to really get easier. not that you won't have good times in that year, but that first year is a really tough one. and not that the second year is easy, cause it is still tough, but a bit easier. *i used to tell people that i would wake up everyday and try and pretend to be happy, and then every so often i would realize i wasn't pretending, i really was having a good day and i really was happy. at some point, there was a lot less pretending. *it is two steps forward and one step back. so after one of those really good days, don't be surprised when you have a really horrid one, it is all a part of the process. try not to beat yourself up about it and think that you have failed on the healing process, it is normal. *be kind to yourself. i'm a big fan of the cathartic cry, and every so often, i indulge my sadness, i embrace it. nothing wrong with calling off work and staying in bed. especially a nice comfy warm bed with bad TV on and a cuddly kitty beside me! (honestly, i've even done this recently since my sister's diagnosis). the key is to be aware when it is all encompassing and crippling, then you may need to seek out some help. but every so often, let yourself wallow in the pain, there is nothing wrong with that in my book. but don't feel like you failed, again, if you have a day where you just let that pain come. *everyone's pain is different, everyone's loss is different, so everyone's path to feeling whole again, is going to be a little different. *it is also ok to let go of the pain. i remember when mum died, not really when dad did, that i found myself worrying that when i let go of the horrible pain of missing her, i would be letting go of her, and i would start to forget and that pain was the only feeling i would have so without it, no feeling. but it wasn't true. i remember her just as well even without all the pain, and now the memories mostly bring me joy and make me smile. *it really does get easier, i promise! sorry for the rambling, just some thoughts from my experiences with loss.

i had never heard of this until your post, but what i did when my sister was first diagnosed, after all the insanity of figuring out exactly what was going on and what we would do about it, was to set up a blog. i ran it by her at first, since she told me that she felt the only thing she could control was the information and who knew it. she seemed to like it, though she never told me that directly now that i think about it. but i would go in and update the blog after a treatment or share a silly story, since she seems to have many silly stories associated with her dx and tx. sometimes i tease my family that i'm nost sure anyone is reading it, but they tell me that they all go there especially on treatment days to see how things went. we have family in canada and then folks spread out a bit in the US, so it saves me having to email everyone. though i worry sometimes that it also stops them from calling her to check on her. but i've found it to be a great way to keep in touch with folks, and used it also to fundraise for our LiveStrong Challenge bike team back this summer. ah, fundraising in the electronic age, so much easier! i will have to check out this carepage site and see if it can add anything to my blooging.

i went to a book signing of kris carr's. she was even more fun to listen to in person. i recommend going to see her if anyone gets a chance. she really has a great attitude. she says she took a lot of flack for the title of her documentary, but i think it makes me smile when i hear it, so what's so wrong with that. i bought a copy of her book for me and for my sister, which i had her sign. i started reading it but haven't made much headway due to work/life getting in the way. i have a long layover on a trip to the beach with my sister, maybe i'll have a little time to read it then. i loved listening to the CMU prof, his talk was phenomenal. i encouraged my sister to watch oprah yesterday but i haven't asked her if she caught it or not.

i'm kinda new here, so take it for what it is worth. But I think that getting out, going to work, being productive, possibly helping to ease any financial worries, are all good things. so if she is up for it, why not? my sister wants to go back to work as well, after about the same course of treatment. the rad onc said something about why go back and he'd sign whatever forms she needed from work. but i find that she is lonely at home when none of us are around and she misses work and interacting with folks there and dare i say it, feeling normal. so i'm encouraging it. i'll watch very closely and if i feel that it is causing any undue stress or weakening her at all, i'll probably step in and talk to her about the need to focus on the fight ahead. but right now, i think her going back to work is a good thing.

I've read so many posts by Dr. West and I think what he is doing is nothing short of a God-send to those of us dealing with lung cancer, either as a patient or loving someone who has it. I'm a Dr. of Pharmacology and work as a toxicologist with cancer medications. That is a world away from watching my sister take the medications. It has been a real eye opener. Luckily though, I've been able to prepare her for side-effects and I'm the queen of "take this drug" for any problems she is having. And usually, just "speaking the lingo" is a big help to everyone. I don't need the English-to-medical dictionary. I was joking with a friend that no matter what I say, my sister then "checks out that I'm right by asking the Dr.". My friend said - or maybe she is checking out that the Dr. knows what he is talking about by seeing if he agrees with you. I like the way my friend thinks!

Hi there, just wanted to introduce myself to folks. I found this site through a link from the Onctalk forum and thought I would check it out. I'm here because my big sister was diagnosed in May with 3b NSCLC. I'm the youngest of a big family, but I'm also the one who works in the medical field. Working in oncology has been one thing, but now, well now it's personal. Whole new ballgame! Not that I haven't had to deal with cancer in my family before, but this time I'm right in the thick of things guiding my sister through this all. I'm grateful that I'm able to do this, but I also (half)joke with folks that I wonder now why I didn't become a CPA, then they'd only need me at tax time. I do think that I've been a lot of help to my family, even if I have been a bit of a pain in the doctor's sides. Just kidding, luckily as soon as I identify myself they speak to me as a colleague and don't mind when I add in my own suggestions. I think my major contribution though, has been being the one person she can say anything to. I told her she can't scare me and doesn't have to worry about my feelings, so I'm the one she can be completely up front with. And I think that really helps her. I have plenty of friends at work who all know what I'm dealing with, so I have an outlet of my own. But thought it may be nice to have another way to unload my own worries and fears. Hence my introduction here. Right now we are waiting on a scan after my sister finished 5 cycles of carbo/taxol and 37 rounds of radiation. The hurry up and wait, we really have come to hate that period. Something everyone here can relate to. So our answer to the waiting, we figure we can go for a little trip, so several of us leave next week for the beach.