Hello
I too have just lost my love of 23 years to LC on March 21st, 2003. For two and one half years we both battled this disease only to see it take him away. Its been 4 months since he passed away ( I count the 21st of each month now). Most of which I have had to deal with by myself. It has really been hard since I do not have any family, children of my own, no father no mother, sister, brother and really not much of friends you know close ones you have known like forever. I always had my husband we were each others family, friend, partner kindred spirit...and you want to talk about the lonelyness. Man somedays I just don't know if I will make it through the day. But you know you do...it does get better ONE DAY AT A TIME. Just like when we were going through all the stuff the doctors, hospital put him through, ONE DAY AT A TIME. People I work with keep saying to me it will get better that I am one heck of a strong lady (somedays I don't think so). I guess it has but the pain never really goes away I think it never does/will. But you learn to manage, get a grip realize somehow he would have wanted me to not stop trying, pick myself up and go on and keep going on. Find the comfort in knowing that one day we will see each other again and it will be like we never were apart....Its not easy, no not at all. I have to learn how to grow, trust myself, DEPEND on myself keep loving GOD even though sometimes I know I have made him mad at me, because of the anger you can feel at times. All of it is a roller coaster ride. One day your up another your not. But I find if you try and keep focused keep telling yourself that there will be someone out there who cares that you will make it past all those holidays, birthdays, aniversaries, certain dates that meant something to you and him. And one day like waking up you can say DARN I made it. But you will always feel the if only, the maybe I should haves. Just don't let it keep you down. I can only hope that one day I am granted the oppurtunity of having another love in my life just as wonderful. Not the same, it couldn't be. But something that will fill me up again and bring back the laugh, the hope, the dreams, the desires and maybe just maybe the knowing I am important and I did all I could and there is so much more I can do. Peace and Love. Keep the chin up and be comforted in knowing they are watching over us. LORD can you imagine they have the POWER NOW....lol