I just thought I would upload a picture of mom and me. It was taken on Father's Day 2003. My mom was both mother and father to me, so I took her out to dinner to celebrate.
I guess because I have no children to on whom to focus, the holidays will be particularly empty. I don't really feel connected to most of my family, except for a niece and a nephew, who are grown. I will try to see them at some point over the holiday. I think next year, I will try to convince my husband to take a vacation at Christmas, perhaps to someplace warm and quiet.
As of now, I've finished shopping but I find no joy in the holiday. I have no decorations, no lights, no tree. It's just very depressing without my mom.
Thank you for all your words of support. I'm sorry for those of you who are also experiencing the first holiday without your loved one.