stand4hope

Dear Pat, I would have to say that my husband was better-than-healthy, if there is such a thing. Physically, mentally and emotionally, my husband was a tower of strength. He could have whipped our 27-year-old 6 foot tall, 190 lb. son with one arm tied behind his back if he had to. He has always worked 50-60 hours a week, plus nonstop on weekends in our yard. A man of discipline and perfect health, other than sinus headaches, which he has had for a number of years. He didn't, and still doesn't, even have arthritis. He did have a basal cell carcinoma removed from his back several years ago, had a hernia operation probably 10 years ago, and had a nerve act up in his neck several years ago. Other than, I would guess that in the 37 years we have been married, he hasn't been off work more than 10 days for being sick. He was also a nonsmoker. About 3 weeks before diagnosis, his sinus headache turned into a colossal headache that was not relieved with any medication. He also had lost 15 lbs. in about a month. To make a long story short, an MRI revealed 8 brain mets, and the next day a CT scan confirmed a 7 cm tumor in his left lung. He received decadron immediately for the headache and in less than 24 hours, the headache was gone - and 18 mos. later, after WBR and stereotactic radiosurgery, the headache has never returned. Nor have his sinus headaches, so it kind of makes me wonder, if thats what the sinus headaches really were all those years. Anyway, in answer to your question, 18 months later, while he isn't quite where he used to be physically because of treatment, he almost is. He is not sickly, does not feel sick, and hates being asked how he feels because he says he feels good. He works 10 hours a day, 4 days a week, and sometimes 5. He is more tired now than he used to be after work, but that's because the treatments just drained a lot out of him. He exercises every day, lifts weights, rides a 750 lb. motorcycle, plays with our dogs, takes me out to eat and sends me emails from work every day. Now, if the past month or so, there have been a few, very minor changes, and we both know that things could go boom at any time, because we do know that "Yes, he does have lung cancer." But, we have had more than 18 good months, and are planning on having another 18 months or many more ahead of us. We are, of course, prepared for the worst, but expect the best, and we try as hard as we can to just know that today is good, so tomorrow will probably be good, too. I'm sorry this is so long, but you just hit on a subject that I have struggled with myself. We have been told that a lot depends on a person's performance rating at the time of diagnosis. My husband's, and it sounds like your husband's, performance rating was quite high. Their good health, strength and good attitudes are the best thing they have going for them. I would tell that onc that told him to quit work and apply for SS disability to take his advice and . . . . . well, you know. There may come a time when he might need that, but if he wants to work and feels like working, why shouldn't he work? Lots of love and prayers to you and Brian, Peggy

What Shelly said - word for word. I doubt there are very many people reading this post that don't have some type of similar situation in their families. You just have to deal with them when you have to, in a civil and friendly manner, and then leave them out of your life the rest of the time. The only thing I would add to Shelly's wise advice about the estate is that since you said you are the executor of the estate/trust, I am assuming that a will and/or trust exist. If there is a trust, are you also the designated trustee? Both of those things (estate and trust) generally take two completely different routes in the legal system. In Indiana, you have to have a lawyer to go through a probate court, and if the assets are equal to a certain amount of money (I think it's $25,000 now), you have to go through probate court to probate the will, and if there is no will, you still have to probate by intestate laws if the assets exceed $25,000. It's the law. All state laws are different so you must counsel with a lawyer about these things. Everything Shelly said is correct - your desires as executor are of no consequence other than how you and your family decide to equally distribute personal property, or according to the dictates of the will or intestate succession. When you are an executor or executrix, you don't become the decision maker. Lawyers help to negotiate the assets, but the court is the final decision maker. When the columns total up for every beneficiary, they must be equal in amount if equal distribution is given in the will. If you and your brother become joint owners, then with the court's approval, you can probably play around with the other assets so that you and your brother receive equal amounts, either in the form of cash assets or property. A lawyer will help you with this. There are lots of things that can be done with the assets to make it come out fair for everyone. Everyone may not be happy and objections can be filed with the court and eventually it will be resolved, and everyone still may not be happy, but when the court speaks, it is what it is. All that being said, I do hope that you will be able to work through this difficult time. It's hard enough to go through a time of grief, but it is always compounded when there is a fight over assets. I just hate it when it happens, and it happens frequently. Best of luck to you, Lori, and may God be with you. Love, Peggy

Ginny, I can't believe you posted this. I have been thinking about Bruce all week and was going to send him a PM tonight. He hasn't posted since December, and that's very troubling. BRUCE - IF YOU ARE READING - PLEASE TALK TO US!! Thank, Ginny. Love, Peggy

Oh, she is soooo teeny tiny. Congratulations on this beautiful, new bundle of joy! Thank you for posting a picture. Love, Peggy

Rosemary, I am so sorry that you have endured this incredible pain. Love, hugs and sympathy for you and your family are on the way. Love, Peggy

Welcome back Dave and Karen! I hope you are feeling better, Karen, and I'm glad you guys got to get away for a few days. I hope you get an offer on your home VERY SOON! Love, Peggy

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TANN, AND MANY MORE!!!!

Today, I am thankful: 1. For our pastor. 2. For the wonderful sermon this morning. 3. For a wonderful talk with our son's counselor today. 4. For the nap I am about to take. 5. For the 4 fudge cookies I just ate. Love to all, Peggy

Ok everybody. This is your chance to get into Andrea's pocket. For those of you that don't know, Andrea is a lawyer. Now, I know that some of you will want to donate just to see a lawyer "pay". Right? Go for it! I'm sure Andrea is sitting at home just daring you to make her pay. Right, Andrea? Hey! I work for lawyers, and when asked where we want to eat for our Christmas party, we pick the most expensive place. That's just plain fun! Bouncing it up! Love to all (and especially Andrea for her generosity) , Peggy

Bruce, You're the best! Love, Peggy

This is the same thing we were told when we asked about the fused scans. We were told it's expensive equipment, and if the separate scans are interpreted properly, you get the same result as the fused scans. Love, Peggy

Today, I am thankful: 1. That Cindi is feeling better and breathing easier. 2. That it's Friday. 3. That Tarceva is working for Mrs. Bill. 4. That my filing is 1/2 finished. 5. That it's lunchtime. Peggy

Thank you, God! Betty, I'll be anxious to know that the transfusion helped you to feel better! Keep fighting, girlfriend! You're doin' good! Love, Peggy

Frank, You're the man! Way to go! Good excuse to have another Bud Lite? Go for it! Love, Peggy

Patti, I'm so sorry for this very sad time for you and your family. I've lost both my mom and dad, and I know how painful it is. God bless you, Peggy

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Oh no, no, no! My heart is broken to pieces for Angie and her family. Love, Peggy

Bill, What a rotten thing to have happen. I know there are people out there that definitely do have the attitude that "they are going to die anyway, so why bother." That's sad, but it is a reality that we need to deal with. Our son got some extremely crappy treatment, too, in ER about 6 weeks ago, so I know it happens. I'd like to speak to Pamela's post. I think I saw another post similar to this today that she put on another thread. I'm personally not offended by what Pam stated about these issues. I do think, however, that the cases of this happening are very, very rare. I would like to try to comfort any fears anyone on this board might have after reading about such things happening. Pamela is, of course, probably right that these things sometimes do happen, the same as things that have happened to Bill and his wife have happened. Sometimes people have incredible horror tales of doctors (i.e., Elaine, SDianneB, etc.) I would just like to encourage everyone to be alert and if you can't be alert for physical reasons, be sure you have an advocate to monitor your care. But all in all, I think most of you are pretty safe and don't need to worry about you or your loved one being euthanized against your/their will. Bill, thank you for keeping us updated on your wife. I pray for her and you daily. Love, Peggy

Hi Bill, I read your other post today at work, but didn't have time to respond. I'll go back there in a minute. First of all, what is "L spine"? Second, I can see why it's difficult at this point to tell if Tarceva has helped, especially to the bones that were radiated. The radiation does do a remarkable job of eliminating that kind of pain, and, once the cancer is knocked for a loop with radiation, the bones begin to heal very quickly. Now, this comment on the radiology report makes no sense to me whatsoever: What the heck is that all about? How the heck would he/she know or even comment about her metastatic condition when they were only looking at a lung scan report. (I assume the report was for a lung ct since you mentioned lung nodules, although I guess you didn't state that specifically) Anyway, I guess I'm convinced the Tarceva is helping her, but that might be because that's what I want to believe. Sometimes if you believe something enough, it comes true. All my best! Love, Peggy

You got'em, Erica. God is sooooo good! Love, Peggy

Dear Kimberly, I agree with Terri, Ry and Frank - you should know tomorrow. If your mom has good doctors, you will come out of the appointment feeling a little better than you do now, even if it isn't all good news. The reason is because you will have a PLAN. It's just amazing how much a PLAN and HOPE will boost your spirits. Now, if you come out of there feeling like all the doctor did was paint gloom and doom, and gave you no hope, then run for a second opinion. But, in the meantime, don't forget to log on and tell us what he/she said. There is truly TONS of good advice from the people here. Love and prayers, Peggy

Hi Rebecca and WELCOME! The weeping is normal. I wept, too, especially at first, only a couple of times, it would be better called BAWLED! It will get better. I promise. Here are a couple of links of two other new people that had many, many questions answered and fears discussed that I think will help you, too. You may have already read them, but if not, here they are: http://www.lchelp.com/community/viewtopic.php?t=14628 http://www.lchelp.com/community/viewtopic.php?t=14631 I send you my best and ask God to cover you with His love, which always helps me to be less afraid. Love, Peggy

Hi Jorga, I'm sorry, but I don't know anything about air leaks either, or how air gets outside the lung, but I'm glad he's going for more tests to try to get it fixed. That's WONDERFUL news that the tumor is gone. Love, Peggy

Hi Beth, What we have been told is that they can radiate the bones for pain, but I also understand there are some areas that are a little more difficult than others, and it depends on where they are located (near organs). Also, they can only radiate the same area one time. Now, we asked our radiation onc if my husband's shoulder could be radiated again if he had pain there. He said, "Well, I would never say never, but it's usually not a good idea." I also know that the spine can only take just so much radiation because they have to be careful about damaging the spinal cord. I also, though, think that means that if there is a met giving trouble at one spot on the spine, it gets fixed, and then there's another place on the spine that causes trouble, as long as they can radiate without hitting the same spot, they can do more than one spot. One thing I know for sure, and I've seen repeated on this board is that they won't radiate the bones unless the met is causing pretty severe pain. This is also one reason why they don't always do bone or PET scans initially because the treatment (chemo) for the lung, liver or whatever, is the same treatment for the bones, other than radiation for pain. One thing I don't know is if there is pain say in 4 or 5 places at the same time, if they will radiate all of them at the same time. That would be a lot of radiation going into the body at one time, I would think. I guess that's something I just pray won't happen to Bill or to anybody. I probably didn't help much, but that's how it has been explained to us. I hope your question doesn't mean that Bill is having bone pain. Love, Peggy

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LUCIE!! Love, Peggy