Matchbox Twenty Song

[Hebbie]

There is a song my Matchbox Twenty that came out right around the time I was going through treatment called "Unwell". Finishing up treatment and going well beyond, I felt the song was so approapriate to how I was feeling. I heard it again today and realized that it holds truer now than it did then!

It seems to sum up the place I am at right now. Having thrown myself out there for the public to see (for the lung cancer benefit) and sharing my story with the entire South Jersey Community, I feel like everyone is looking at me funny (my imagination, I am sure). Also -- All of my loved ones have sort of "moved on". In their minds, I am 100% cured, and cancer is a thing of the past. However, they can't see what is going on inside of me.....the fears.....the feelings......how I have changed. The old me doesn't exist anymore, but they want so hard to believe that it does.

Anyway, thanks for listening to my ramblings, and I wanted to post the words for all of you. Something tells me many of you will be able to relate!

Unwell

All day

Staring at the ceiling

Making friends with shadows on my wall

All night

Hearing voices telling me that I should get some sleep

Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on

Feeling like I’m headed for a breakdown

And I don’t know why

[chorus]

But I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell

I know, right now you can’t tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see

A different side of me

I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired

I know, right now you don’t care

But soon enough you’re gonna think of me

And how I used to be. . .me

I’m talking to myself in public

Dodging glances on the train

And I know, I know they’ve all been talking about me

I can hear them whisper

And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me

Out of all the hours thinking

Somehow I’ve lost my mind

[chorus]

But I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell

I know, right now you can’t tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see

A different side of me

I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired

I know, right now you don’t care

But soon enough you’re gonna think of me

And how I used to be

I’ve been talking in my sleep

Pretty soon they’ll come to get me

Yeah, they’re taking me away

[chorus]

But I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell

I know, right now you can’t tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see

A different side of me

I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired

I know, right now you don’t care

But soon enough you’re gonna think of me

And how I used to be

Yeah, how I used to be

How I used to be

Well, I’m just a little unwell

How I used to be

How I used to be

I’m just a little unwell

http://www.matchboxtwenty.com/music/

[close to the edge]

boy you really hit it on the money

sooooo many people assume once your cured its over

they have no clue what goes thru our minds every day

[kimblanchard]

We're staring at you because you're a babe. Surely that isn't a change.

In all seriousness, I am so proud of you for telling your story to all who will listen and trying to change the environment we all live in. It is exactly what Becky would have done. I cannot give a higher compliment than that.

You are great, and if they are staring, they are getting an eyeful of one amazing lady.

Curtis

[Frank Lamb]

Hebbie.Curtis is absolutely correct.Anyone staring at you is truly getting an eyeful of an amazing lady.I think we can control our goals ,ambitions,dreams,& just about anything else we try to in the aftermath of cancer diagnosis & treatment,but there is no doubt in my mind that when push comes to shove cancer does definately change a persons life.I pride myself on my attitude & effort at all I do,however there is not a day goes by that I'm not reminded somehow (spiritually or physically or by anothers actions ) that I am fighting cancer.I think the way around it is to just keep fighting back and most importantly making the most of each and evey day.Whether it's a good day or a bad one we must enjoy it for what it is and make the utmost best of it.Hang in there and THANK YOU for all you have done to help all of us.

[ellakc2]

Hi Hebbie,

Love Matchbox Twenty and the song. Have listened and thought the

same thing. You freaked me out when I read your post. Was going

through the exact things at work today. People think your absolutely fine.

It makes me crazy. Unless you have had cancer or a family member has

been dx(and even then you don't know) people are sooo clueless of what

we go through. Today I have come to the realization that they truely don't care either. (Not all people) It's like a death. The first week every-

one rallies around and after that your on your own. It took me one year

for the shock to wear off. For one year I was in the fight of my life to

survive, running on pure nerves. Just last week I finally went through all my paper work and re-read all dx, ct scan results etc. again and it finally hit me. Found things in the paperwork I don't remember(too many drugs).

God bless and take care.

[MayFrog]

Hebbie,

Love MB20 and that song.....it describes me to a "T" (even before my dx!)

And, I have to agree......once the initial shock of the dx is over, and the chemo tx done, everyone seems to try and block out the fact that I still have cancer, that I'm still on the roller-coaster ride of my life, and that for me, things will never be the same.

Ah, well.....people do what people do.....

Mary

[MayFrog]

Hebbie,

Love MB20 and that song.....it describes me to a "T" (even before my dx!)

And, I have to agree......once the initial shock of the dx is over, and the chemo tx done, everyone seems to try and block out the fact that I still have cancer, that I'm still on the roller-coaster ride of my life, and that for me, things will never be the same.

Ah, well.....people do what people do.....

Mary

[KC]

Actually, that is my theme song. It describes my mental state lately to a tee. I know I'm not the one with the cancer, but it's exactly how I feel too. .