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Acceptance for today.

cindi o'h

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I was given the words along with a handhold from a doctor I had never seen before as I was awakened from my hospital bed...Lung Cancer.

My heart sank. I froze. I said shi-youknowwhat many, many times over in my head, if not outloud.


When did I come out of shock? Hard to say. I think it was a process.

Did I like having lung cancer? Nope. Never did.

Do I like having lung cancer now? Nope. Still don't.

But, I have it and I am stuck with it and it is a part of who I am and part of my life and my experience.

Am I grateful? You bet. Almost always. The days are not easy. But where was it ever written that this life would be easy? I still find joy in almost every day that I live. Someone else may not be able to find happiness in the same things that I do, but peace is there for me. I love to watch my cat sleep by the hour. Because I can. This is an activity that I would probably not have joined in B.C. (before cancer) But, it is something that I love to do now. He snores a little and twitches the tip of his tail for some unknown reason. Every now and then he makes these cute little snoring noises...this is when I really have to show some restraint from going over and kissing him. If I kiss him, then the magic of the moment will disappear.

Back to cancer. It is here. It is what it is. It is a part of me.

My feet have been a size 10 most of my life. I always thought it would be so nice to wear those cute little 6's or even some 7's. No. I got stuck with a ten. I get to wear comfortable shoes though. "Earth friendly" shoes.

Today, for some unkown reason, I accept this lung cancer. Tomorrow, I might be fighting with it again. All I know today, is that it is a part of my journey. I am grateful to be alive. I am grateful for so much more than life. I am grateful for acceptance today.

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Thank you.

So many people tell me - "You are doing so well". My answer to that is Yes and No.

I have always been an obnoxiously upbeat person. Life is wonderful. Full of glorious, spectacular joys. The leaves turning colors. The first sight of forsythia in the spring. The smell of a good dinner cooking. The wonder of a new born baby. The beating of your heart when you are in love.

Life is sad too. Of course the sadest being the death of a loved one.

But on the score sheet of life, I have to believe that joy outweighs sad. I will always be sad about Earl, I will miss him all the days of my life. But I have joy - my children and grandchildren (cutest on earth), my dear friends, my work, my exercise, my books, my needlework etc. And my memories of Earl are full of joy.

Yes, it stinks that you have lc or that any of us get a life threatening disease. But we are here this minute and for that we must be grateful. And for that we should seek the happiness of the minute.

A friend told me soon after Earl died to apply the 5 minute rule. When the tears well up, as they do so often (like right now) cry, scream, beat your chest whatever but only for 5 minutes. More than that is harmful and does no good.

Cindy, I like you attitude. We all must enjoy the phase of life that we currently occupy.

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You have been through so much. What a wonderful thing that you can reach 'acceptance'. I try to live this way also and it makes my life much less stressful. I noticed you also have RA, and so do I, along with OA.

I would think your auto-immune diseases would complicate your life even more.

Are you on meds for the RA?

Thanks for the wonderful post - if only all of us could understand the term 'acceptance'.


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