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Dad is Dead?


Pamela

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The subject is a little stark and abrupt, isn't it? But at odd moments, sometimes daily, that thought passes through my mind, and I am again shocked to realize that Dad really is dead. It just doesn't feel real.

My mother died more than 11 years ago, and Dad died 6 months ago. Last night I had a very vivid dream in which Mom and Dad were both alive. I can still hear their voices, their laughter. They are gone, but they are very much alive to me. I want to touch them, talk to them, and it often surprises me to think that I won't ever be able to do that again.

I'm 50 years old and yet I feel like an orphaned child. Isn't that odd? I spoke with my 55-year-old brother this afternoon, and he feels it, too.

My heart goes out to those of you who have lost a spouse or a child. I cannot imagine such grief and pain. I think that grief over the loss of a spouse and grief over the loss of a parent are the same in some ways and different in other ways.

I guess I'm rambling. I thought that after six months I would be closer to accepting Dad's death. But here I am. Grieving still.

Pam

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Pamela,

I totally understand how you feel. I talk to my sister every day and sometimes we say the same thing... I can't believe it.

We are at that six month anniversary also. Though I don't know that time will change that odd feeling of... She's gone? Really?

Hang in there...

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It's now been 10 years since I lost my Mom to a stroke. I too couldn't believe it and had started learning to cope with it. Then two months ago I lost my hubbie to lung cancer. Now each day I practice coping with it by sitting in my favorite chair early in the morning and inviting them both to be with me. Somehow this works for me and my days go pretty much as I plan them out. Still, when it gets to be evening time I start counting the hours until it's time to go to sleep. Kind of like Margaret's post "Is it time to go to sleep yet?"

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I understand how you feel. My mom has been gone for 4 months now and I still have to tell myself she is gone, and then it is still somewhat of a shock. Then again, at times it seems like forever since she passed. I lost my grandmother to lung cancer 3 yrs. ago and it seems like a century since she passed. I guess that's because time truely does march on, doesn't it? My dad still has mom's voice on the answering machine and I hope he never takes it off, at least for now. It's nice to hear her voice, and I think sometimes I'm going to forget what she her voice sounded like; it scares me the most right now. I'll call during the day while dad is at work just to hear her.

I know the unrealness of it all will pass and life will move on; I just don't know if I really want it to move to fast right now, ya know?

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I don't know whether there is any difference between losing a parent and a spouse. But I realize that no one's love can compare with my dad's love, even my husband. My dad's love to me is unconditional and would not expect any return or reward from his love. I found that this is the difference. I only realize that I lost one who nobody cannot replace him in my life. For myself, I am 31, I spent only 30 years with dad on earth. But I think I will have plenty of time with my husband...so in compare, I have much time with hubby but not with my dad. This is sooo hurt.

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Pam, I think this feeling is probably with all of us. Almost every day, I either see or hear about something and I immediately think that I just can't wait to tell Dennis. After two years, it amazes me that sometimes I pull into my driveway and expect his van to be there. It was worse when I still had the van, as I would then walk inside and feel he would be there. I feel so strongly that he is still alive and it sometimes bothers me that others don't feel the same. When I'm around people he knew, it's almost as if they don't remember him. I just want to yell and ask if they have forgotten. I'm so glad you had this wonderful dream. If you are like me, you will be able to find much comfort from dreams. I also have to share something that has been very helpful to me. Once while driving Dennis for treatment, an interview with Josh Groban aired. He was talking about the song "To Where You Are" and explaining that he wrote the song for his grandmother that had died. He said that his grandmother used to tell him..."every time you think of me, I will be alive. Your thoughts of me will keep me alive." Dennis thought that was the neatest thing and although he didn't talk much of dying, he always remembered that phrase and would bring it up often. So, now every time I think of Dennis I somehow remember that interview and feel that he is alive....if only through my thoughts!

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Of course, you feel like an orphan. Age does not matter when you have lost both parents. I am glad you had the vision of them -- it is a gift to remind you that their spirits are ever present with you. When I was 63, during a meditation, I saw my parents in a vision, and they said to me, "We are proud of you". It blew me away, but brought me joy and peace. I lost them in 1958 and 1959. Hold on to the memories. Don

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