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No longer eating or drinking fluids, now what do I do?


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Okay I want to wake up and pretend that today is one year ago and my dad still looked the way that he did then, Mom was still hopeful about living and there was not a care in the world for my daughter to worry about! That is my wish...

But then real life somehow jumps up and bites at ya and then we end up where we are at today. Here on this websight that in a perfect world should not even have to exist! How fast life can change in one year.

Took Todd and Jennifer over to see my parents today. Todd (my husband) was sick with a cold so we haven't been there together in a about 2 weeks now, didn't want him around dad. Last week Jennifer and I were visiting with them and dad looked pretty bad then. Today was worse, Dad was looking very weak.

He can't walk very good anymore, I'm not sure if this is due to the fact that he has so much morphine or if it is because of the fact that he just does not eat or drink. He tried to stay in the livingroom and visit with us for a little while but he ended up going to lay down on his bed instead.

I can literally see the pain on his face. Anyway, I talked to mom and was trying to give her some type of hope that there should be something that can be done about his appetite and especially about him not drinking fluids at all. She said that today all he was able to get down was a can of Boost energy drink. No food, I don't think any water.

I'm not sure if dad just has given up all hope altogether right now or if he is just so ill from the cancer spreading everywhere that he can't remember that he even has cancer. Mom doesn't think that he remembers much anymore. Mom's hope is gone now and she said that she just wishes the Lord would take him sooner rather than later so that he doesn't have to suffer anymore.

Either way I am just angry! I don't know how to sit and just watch my dad going through this anymore and there is just nothing that I can do!!! I want to take all he pain away so bad, I want to see him smile again so bad. I want and I want and I want and I want...

So how selfish am I? Yes, I am selfish, I don't want to lose my dad. I don't want to see him hurting, and I don't want to be told again that there is nothing more that can be done! That is a load of crap! How can we have all these years to research cancer cells and still not be complete experts, being able to stop it before it begins in anyone!

Mom doesn't want to see him go through anymore now, she thinks that he is just too weak to take anymore treatments of any kind. I just don't understand. I am trying to get her to take me to the next doctor appointment with them -- I have the phone number there and will be trying to call there tomorrow -- I have so many questions that I want answers to -- I just can't stand it anymore.

And I don't know how to get rid of these overwhelming feelings that I have. I am so mad. I am so sad. I can't sleep, everytime I start eating I feel like I'm going to be sick with the thought that Dad used to love to eat and now he just doesn't! I don't get it, I feel so helpless and useless.

I just wish I had any answers right now...anything at all.

I can't understand how the doctors can let him continue like this. He is dehydrated, that much is certain. Now he has swelling in his ankles and feet, is that from the dehydration? And how can I get him to eat and drink? My Dad is not someone who just gives up. I want him to fight. I want to be able to fight for him.

If anyone out there has any suggestions on getting him to eat or drink, I'm up for any and all suggestions...

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Hi

I don't think I have much useful information for you but I wanted to let you know I am so, so, so sorry you are going through this at the moment. You are right, in that there MUST be something that can be done about the dehydration. Can they not give him some IV fuids? I wish I had more helpful advice for you. This disease sucks.

Jana

xxxx

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I'm sure that they can give him IV fluids, I know that they have in the past however right now my mom is basically waiting for the next doctor appoint on 5/24, I'm so much more outspoken then she is that I am basically gonna push my way into the appointment. I need to speak to this doctor myself.

You're right though, "Sucks" is the best work to describe this whole thing that I can say (verbally or online) without feeling ashamed.

Mom is thinking that hospice is going to happen sooner than what we originally thought.

I'll post again soon, eyes are shutting on me now -- tired and from crying too much the past couple of days. I need to find the peace that my mom has right now I guess. :(

Thanks again.

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You do need to let the doctor know his condition. It cannot wait until his appointment. He needs fluids and the best way to get them in him is via an IV. If you take him to the emergency room they could start him on fluids.

Once someone becomes dehydrated to a certain point they lose their thirst and appetite. It's a vicious circle, the lack of fluid affects the part of the brain that needs fluid and nutrition.

Hospice could help a lot with his pain and comfort at home. Good luck. Let us know what happens.

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I am soooo sorry you are going through this with your dad. My dad has SCLC and it is really hard to see him sick so I know exactly what you are going through. Back in November when my dad was dehydrated from radiation a nurse came and put him on an IV for the week. That seemed to have made him feel better. Also my dad drinks Ensure a couple of times a day. You should try that and make him drink it. My mom has forced my dad to drink it when he didn't want to and now he drinks it because he knows it is good for him.

I will be thinking and praying for you and your family,

jorja

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So very sorry to hear that things are not going well for you or your Dad right now. I know how terribly hard it is when you reach the point when someone refuses to eat or drink. I used to spend hours every day just begging Dennis to take a few sips of something. I think you have the right idea to seek immediate medical attention if your Dad is showing signs of dehydration. Praying things set better for you.

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You can get so dehydrated, low sodium and potassium levels- that your body (organ function) begins to shut down.

You must get him to the ER or into his doctor right away.

I agree that it is so frustrating and there should be more the doctors can do...but right now getting his dehydration and other symptoms under control are imperative to his survival.

When he is stronger you can research and get other medical opinions on what is available for him, but right now he needs to be rehydrated.

I also think it's a good idea for you to go to the dr. with him the next time he goes. Many times it takes a third-party to ask the questions that need to be asked and to advocate for the patient.

Please know that I am saying prayers for your dad, and your family. Please get him to the ER.

Many hugs,

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Thanks to everyone for the responses. I called the cancer clinic and spoke to the nurse today. I am feeling much better now. Because we are able to get a few sips in him we are going to hang tight until the office visit on Tuesday, more mom's idea than my own. Mom was getting him some OJ when I called. That sounded good to me. Plus he is still getting the one can of Boost a day. Tuesday then...At that time I will give you all an update.

Also, I think that I will really be pushing mom into getting Hospice to start coming to the house now. I know that she is doing a great job caring for dad but I can also see the exhaustion creaping in slowly.

Right now I am just gonna be like Frank, if the "Fat Lady comes a singin' I'm" getting Todd's gun. (Hopefully I will be a quick learner since I've never shot a gun in my life. haha That was the best post I have read yet...I guess I needed some humor for a change.

Also, doesn't sound like dad is a candidate for any other treatments at this time. I told my mom that I am going to the appointment Tuesday, she is not very happy about it but that is too bad. I'm more aggressive than she is and feel that I might be able to get more answers than what she is even thinking about. Keeping my chin up today, especially for my daughters sake!!

Thanks again...

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:( I'm sorry your dad is feeling so bad. but let me tell you--I have just been through this these last 3 weeks with my husband and he ended up in the hospital in early liver failure.Had I not taken the "bull by the horns" I could have easily lost him. You do what you have to. Go to that appt and ask questions and don't leave till you get answers. If you dad continues to not take fluids daily-call the Dr. And only speak to HIM! And it very well may be time for hospice. They are wonderful at keeping the patient comfortable and giving a large amount of emotional support. Tell your mother not to be afraid to ask for help. God bless you, and keep us posted. Nancy C
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