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Exiting shock, getting slapped with reality

Guest Lensiedel

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Guest Lensiedel

It's been 6 weeks now since Bruce died, and it's become very real. Every day seems to be harder than the last. It's as if there's a huge weight on my chest and I'm being slowly crushed to death. I wander around the house and don't even know what to do with myself. I know that I should be taking this 1 day at a time, but if I stay healthy I could be looking at more than 30 years without him. It's so hard to not think about that. I've been trying to stay busy, but no matter where I am or who I'm with the pain and loneliness are always there. Will that ever get better, or is it just something you get used to?


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Wendy, dear Wendy,

Wish I could sit w/ you a while. It is such a raw hurt, isn't it?

The only thing I can think of to say is so trite and patronizing...............please know that I don't mean to belittle your pain:


30 years is too much time for any of us to deal with today.

Try to miss Bruce and remember him for the next couple of hours and then start over.

I am so sorry.

I have been widowed ........... it is so hard and so unfair and so scary...........I am so sorry dear.



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Wendy, it's been over two years since I lost Dennis and I can honestly say that I don't know if it gets better or if you just learn to live with it. There are days that it is easier to deal with and then there are days when the pain is as fresh as the day I lost him. I suppose the best way to sum it all up is to say that your mind and body learn to merely "cope" with the situation. As humans, we are survivors. I can say that many of the past 2-1/2 years have been just that for me....survival. I am all too familar with the "crushing" pain that you describe. That pain hit me the first time it hit me that I would never see Dennis again in this life. When that thought first hits your mind it is truly overwhelming. I finally had to sell Dennis's truck because when I would approach the driveway, I would automatically think..."he's home." I can tell you that the pain will diminish and life will get easier. Thee is no timeline on when this will happen. You'll just wake up one day and for some reason, things will be easier. One thing that really helped me was a little self-designed exercise. I went back to a time in my life, before I was a wife, before I was a mother, and tried to remember who I was and what I liked to do. You know, it was really difficult to remember who I was before I became so many things for other people. Once I figured out who I was...and now am...I tried to do some of the things I liked to do. Maybe this would help you. Please PM me anytime you feel like talking!!!

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My Mom died the same day that Bruce did. I recognize that the nature of our pain is different, but I wanted to let you know that I really, really feel for you.

Six weeks out and the pain is very raw, like an open sore. Sometimes I only manage to get through one moment at a time, let alone a whole day!!! What I can tell you is that I've tried to start each day by saying that "today is a good day" and giving myself permission to have a bad day tomorrow. I've also learned that I can have a good day and still cry a few times! :)

I, too, find myself at loose ends in the evenings and on weekends - no more rushing to the hospital, doing laundry or cooking favourite meals. I'm trying to re-connect with the things I liked to do before I took over caring for Mom and I'm making it a goal to spend more time with the friends I saw much less of as well. One step at a time, I guess.

Be well.


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