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A week ago tomorrow


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Hi All,

It has been a week since Pop's has passed. I am still in North Dakota. I have been taking care of all the paperwork for life insurance, pensions, etc. I have been keeping so busy during the day so I don't think about Pops. The problem is at night. When I finally calm down I start thinking about him and then I can't fall asleep. I miss him so much. I haven't slept through the night since I got here on the 22nd of June. The evenings are hell...so lonely. I have been finding little scraps of paper around the house with his handwriting on it and it makes me sad.

I last night I saw him alive he was really struggling to breathe. His oxygen levels were low so he was a bit disoriented. I knew I would not see himn alive again. I had to leave the hospital to take his brother to the airport and when I got home he had passed. I wanted to hold his hand because I didn't want him to be alone.

Sad thing is that his buddy in the Police Dept. died yesterday from Pancreatic cancer. So I will go to another funeral on Saturday. Why is God doing this to me????

Mom is holding on strong. She is coming back to California with me on the 22nd of July. I had a vacation planned for the 23rd. I am going up the Northern coast of California (Mendicino) and then continuing on up the Oregon coast (in my new travel trailor). I will then fly my mom from Portland to Seattle to see her friend. She really needs the break since she has been working full-time and also taking care of Pops. We will be gone about 10 days. It will be good for us.

Bless Pop's heart....he really took care of mom. Their house & cars just got paid off. She will never have to work again. She will work part-time to keep busy but will quit pretty soon to volunteer. Dad had all his wishes spelled out cut and dry. He knew the funeral directors very well and they have taken such good care of us.

Dad's radiation oncologist came over to the house yesterday. I was pretty shocked. He said normally he has to distance himself from patients so he doesn't get too emotionally attached but he said that he loved dad so much that it really broke his heart when he passed and had to come to see us. What a wonderful man. It really meant a lot to the family.

Sorry for the scatteredness of this e-mail. Just have been avoiding posting because there are so many things going through my mind so I thought I would jot things down as I think of them.

There has been so many visitors to my mom's house that we are both getting annoyed. I have just stopped answering her phone and the door. It is too exhausting. In fact a bunch of people are over here now that I've just locked myself in my bedroom. I know people mean well but geez.

Well......I'm sure I'll post more later especially when all the visitors descend upon us. Typically I am a social person but I get tired of having to talk about the same stuff over and over. I suppose I shouldn't be so mean....they are just trying to comfort the family.



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hey sweetie,

Its not mean... everytime you tell the story you are reliving it and it HURTS.... People do mean well though. Your Dad sounds like he was such a wonderful, caring individual who touched so many lives along the way. I am sure God has a special place just for him. I don't know how to make this easier for you, its been 7 mnths for me and it still is raw emotion, I cried all the way home from work yesterday. I was reading a magazine yesterday and they had a plaque you could order that said " My Prince has already come, I call him Daddy" and it just struck such a chord with me...our Daddys were our knights in shining armour... now the armour has turned to shining wings and they are still watching over us.... Love, Sharon

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Dear Kathi,

So much to do to keep you busy that when it is done the down time is difficult. Getting to know 'Pops" through your posts has certainly been my privilege. What an extraordinary man he was. My heart breaks for you at this time.

My own Dad has been gone 23 years now and I still think of him all the time...what a special man he was too. Fathers and daughters...what a special bond they have - ALWAYS.

Hoping memories of your Pops will help you through these difficult days and all the days ahead.



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I am very sorry for your loss. I understand all your feelings. I lost my husband 3 weeks ago and we had people coming and going for one week and I was so exhausted. I had several family members in town during that time--3 nites in a row we were gather at my house(30 of us) until after midnite. It is great--but you need to rest. I was so exhausted I couldn't even think straight for days. You take care of you. You need to be there for your mother, and you need to have the energy to get up daily and get things done. Hang in there, God bless, Nancy C :(

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