It's been 1 month

[flwrjunke]

Hi All,

First I would like to thank everyone for all of the support and prayers you have offered. I found this board just weeks before my Mom passed away and reading through the different post has really helped me. As I read through them, I find it hard to post. Please know you are all in my thoughts and prayers.

It was 1 month ago today that my Mom passed away. I miss her so much, I can hardly stand it. I just want to pick up the phone and call her. We always shared the daily going ons of our lives and I will always treasure that. but now that she gone, there is such a hugh void in my life.

I received a letter from Hospice a couple of days ago. It was offering services with regards to grief. There was an outline of the different feeling you go though, etc. As I read it, I started balling my eyes out. It took me 3 tries just to get though it.

Since Mom passed away, I can't figure out what the new normal is. There has been so many things to do. So many things to try to get caught up. For the last year, all of my time has revolved around her. It will be a year ago tomorrow since we found out she was sick.

Part of me feels like I haven't grieved. I know that I am, but maybe I'm just handling it really well. This isn't the first lose that I've suffered. Am I getting better at this? It is just different each time? Or is it because I know my Mom lived a full life with no regrets and she was at totally at peace when she died? My feeling are just all over the place and part of me is afraid that at some point, I'm going to completely lose it. I keep telling myself to take 1 day at a time. It's been 30 days.

Patty

[mamasbabygirl]

Patty,

I have been wondering how you are holding up. I am sure you are grieving in the only way you know how. I am sorry that you miss your mom, but as you said, try to remember how good her life was. I am sure it hurts so much that you miss her. Keep faith that she is in God's arms now, looking down on you and your family with loving eyes.

I am a person who has experienced much loss as well at a young age and it just seems impossible that I will lose my mom, so I am so sorry you have to go through this. It takes a long time to heal and be OK with life after something like this.

Please continue to talk to people, us, whoever. It does help.

Prayers are being sent your way..

[Ann]

Patty, let me once again say how very sorry I am that you lost your mom. Losing someone you love is the worst thing you could ever go through. Greif affects each of us in different ways. I'm sure if you polled everyone on this board about grief and how they handled it, each would probably answer differently. I discovered that I had really begun the grieving process long before Dennis died. I knew the prognosis was very grim so my mind started preparing my body to handle the worst when the time came. I also am a firm believer that your body has this wonderful self defense mechanism called shock that goes into action and helps you as long as it takes to get you ready for reality. I found that during that time, I was able to make decisions and handle issues very well. After reality set in and I was on my own, I turned to jello. There are so many wonderful people on this board that have recently lost their moms. I know that a wonderful bond will happen between you, as you all work through this together. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!

Try and remember the happy thoughts, times and memories. They will pull you through the tough times!

[staceyabee]

Oh Patty, I know where you're coming from. My dad died the day before your mom. I, too, don't feel like it's fully hit me yet because, for the most part I am still functioning normally. Like you, I wonder, am I doing OK because Dad lived a great life and only suffered for two months and we got to say some important things to each other? This is my first huge loss, so I can't say that I know any different. I just feel like we are both probably in shock or that it hasn't fully registered yet. My reality sneaks in mostly in dribs and drabs. I'll be walking down the street and suddenly remember that my dad is gone and it's like getting stabbed in the gut all over again. Personally, I think I'm in a bit of a denial but I'm not complaining. It's helping me get through the days and I know that I'll deal with it when I am ready.

I'm just trying to enjoy the good days and, on the bad, I just allow myself to feel whatever. I just try not to stay down for too long. Please hang in there and know that people are praying for you. I also have a strong belief in God and Heaven so I hope so much that our parents are up there at peace and we'll be reunited someday.

Take care of yourself,

Stacey

[Jana_W]

I am so sorry to read about your loss and what you are going through. My Mum died on August 4th this year so I am most likely going through something pretty similar. I totally agree about the "shock" reaction to our loss. I realised Mum was going downhill in those last few weeks, but somehow I always thought that we would be the family that would be able to find the treatment that would help Mum live for quite a bit longer. I don't think I ever really acknowledged that her cancer could and probably would kill her. Although I acknowledged this intellectually, emotionally I had not. So I think that's where the shock comes into play once they have died. I think I still am in emotional shock, and it probably is our body's way of dealing with it all, as it's all too overwhelming to deal with.

Keep on taking one day at a time. It's all we can do.

Love

Jana

xx