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Mom-Update


starz98

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Hello all - I want to thank you for all the support you have given over these past few months and hopefully months to come. Mom is barely hanging in there and truly I do not know how. She is so terribly frail and weak, she is no longer able to communicate at all or move her body whatsoever. She has not even been able to take any lemonade in 5 days now. I was with her on Saturday and it just kills me to see her this way. I know she knows I am there as she looks at me with her beautiful blue eyes and I know she is just so frustrated because she cannot communicate. I told her how very much she was loved and how thankful I am she was my mother and that I will try to live each and everyday honoring her in how I mother and someday Grandmother as she is the best. See, I consider myself truly lucky because most children are born to whomever there parents are, my mother adopted me when I was an infant so God was truly smiling on me to give me a mother like her. I am really worried about my dad as he talks about just disappearing after mom is gone. I don't want him out of our lives, I know he will need his time that is understandable. But I promised mom that I would make sure he didn't "crawl in a hole" (as she put it) and become depressed.

I had asked about putting together a "memory board" of pictures of mom and family, etc. for at visitation and dad put his foot down on that immediately. He said he couldn't handle that, so I didn't say anything else about it. I just thought it would be nice to have all those good memories out to bring smiles and some tears I am sure, plus the cancer has changed her so very much that I know it isn't how mom wants to be remembered. I guess I will just leave it as he was quite firm on it and I can understand in a way as even for me to look at photo's of mom breaks me down every time, I just thought it would be a nice idea for others and for mom's memory. I hate this disease and I pray for everyone who is suffering and fighting it everynight.......and for all of you of course as well. I will let everyone know how things are going, I really think it is just a matter of time now and everytime the phone rings my heart skips a beat. I hate being here while she is there, I just hate it.

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You are in my thoughts and prayers. Don't give up on the memory book idea; do it after she is gone if you have to wait. My dad is whacky too and says some really obnoxious wierd things. I try not to take it seriously or personally and know that it is grief and stress talking. You sound like a wonderful daughter, and I admire your strength and courage.

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Starz,

We didn't do a board. We gathered some photos of mom and put them in various gold frames and placed them on a table. It was very comforting and broght smiles to those who came.

I think given the reactions from your father it is still too soon to talk about it. I am also trying to fulfill a promise I made to my mom about caring for my dad. Email me if you need someone to talk too.

Prayers and Hugs, Shelly

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Oh Starz,

I pray that you and your father will get through this together holding tight to each other. You will each need one another. Right now is not the time to talk about a funeral for evidently he is hurting tremendously watching his wife and your mom going through another part of this dreadful cancer.

You are sounding strong, so hold on to him, he will love you for it when the time comes to say goodbye to your loved one.... God Bless

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For my Mom's memorial service, I took a snapshot to Walmart and used their picture magic machine to crop everyone else but Mom out. Then I enlarged it to 8X10. My Dad and brother shopped for a lovely wood frame. We had it on the table at the front of the church surrounded by a floral arrangement. My Dad now keeps the photo in the livingroom. Perhaps something as simple as one photo might work for your Dad. At any rate, it might be too soon for him to think of funerals, it makes the end seem too real at this moment.

You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Faylene

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Hi everyone,

I thank you so much for all of your help and kind thoughts and suggestions - they are truly appreciated. Dad just e-mailed me and told me the nurse said probably 48-72 hours. It is so hard to believe she has made it so long. She has not eaten a thing since the beginning of May. She is so tiny and frail. She has survived since May on Minute Maid Lemonade and a very strong will. She has not been able to swallow any lemonade at all since Saturday, she is unable to swallow. I truly don't think my dad can handle the picture idea and with it coming so soon I don't think he will change his mind. I am so worried about him. I know that might sound strange as perhaps my worry should be for mom. But it isn't as I know she isn't scared and I know she is going to a much better place and will no longer be in pain and I know she will be watching over all of us, so my worries are for my dad and how he is really going to cope with this. He won't talk to anyone, Hospice has expressed their concerns as well, but he refuses to speak with anyone there as well. Mom has been his entire life for 46 years. I know he will need his time and I know he has a very strong faith that I hope and pray he will be strong in that and will also lean on his family ...

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I am soooo very sorry your family is going through this. Mom's are the backbones of the family and I know it is emotionally hard on everyone thinking she will not be with you all much longer.

Pray for strength, I lost my mother at the age of 13 and you never really get over it, you just learn to live with the sadness. I am now 50 and the sadness is still there, when I hear stories of someone losing their mother, I can truly say I can feel their pain. Keep praying and believing for a miracle and be as strong as you can for your father, without denying your own emotions. They have been blessed for so many years together, I know he cannot even concieve her not being there with him for many more. I pray he gets the God kind of peace in the midst of this turmoil.

My prayers are with you .....

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