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Update on Sanity/insanity

Guest akmaryann

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Guest akmaryann

As many of you suggested I did talk to his internal medicine doctor who pulled a letter out of his file that he had sent to all the other doctors involved in regards to his concerns that my husband was abusing the availability to drugs. It also told of his history with drug/alcohol abuse and suggested a social worker/possibly rehab and then mentioned his concerns regarding his behavior. He said that he was concerned because he knew of the verbal abuse that I was dealing with. The only doctor that has done anything about the information was the surgeon who told him that he needed to be weaned off some of the meds and called a social worker. My husband said that he doesn't understand and he will not go and see him again. In the meantime another one of his doctors has just increased his dosage by 1.5 times. Now he is vomiting a lot more than he was and losing more weight. We had a really bad night this week and I was ready to leave. He apologized in the morning and said that he is going to stop drinking and smoking but didn't say anything about the meds. That was 3 days ago and I haven't seen any changes. He hasn't been in my face though...so I think it just meant that he would try and hide it better. Thanks for listening!


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Cancer is a disease, it does not CHANGE people. If the guy was a jerk before he was diagnosed and abused drugs/alcohol/cigarettes, why would you expect him to change because he has a disease that just might kill him? Addiction to any of the substances listed just might kill him, as well, and that knowledge hasn't changed his actions.

You can't change HIM, you can change YOU. He's sick, but he was before he was diagnosed. He's using the cancer as a weapon, a guilt-producing reason for you to stay and endure more abuse. It is time for a come-to-Jesus meeting, but you need to be ready to back up anything you say. If you tell him if he doesn't shape up you're going to leave, you need to do just that. Heck, maybe you leaving for a few days will wake him up, maybe it won't, but NOT sticking to your guns won't do anything but give him more power.

Talk to a counselor, fix YOU, learn how to deal with HIM, and get on with life, either with him or without him. If it were just the cancer and cancer treatment making him mean, that would be one thing, but from what you describe, this has been your life with this man. He hasn't changed and he won't - until HE wants to...and maybe he'll never change. That has NOTHING to do with YOU and everything to do with HIM.

I urge you to seek professional help and have someone tell you that you are not the one in the wrong, that YOU have worth and that he is treating you horribly. You can learn how to deal with it and not take it quite so personally, but to do that, you'll need to see someone regularly to talk it all out.

Good luck,


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So glad you spoke to his Doc, that was a big step for you..He knows you are on to his tricks and that just might cause more HELL in the house..You must be very strong to deal with him, tough love..He does not have one disease he has many, and the person that deals with this usually becomes just as sick as they are..It is not an easy road and as I said the last time, your first concern is YOU!!

I will keep you in my prayers and your husband as well, his crosses are not easy ones to bare..

God Bless You..


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Dang those Alkies!

why is it that some of 'em are so darn loveable to some of us??? GRRRR! (at times, loveable, anyway!)

Take care of yourself first. Alanon. I agree. Coupled with a good counselor in the know. Don't expect that you will ever understand it. No one does.

This is something not to deal with alone, however.

Guns? They're fine. As long as there is no ammunition around. Guys don't like their guns taken away... either do I. But, they can live without ammo easier.

Take care.

Cindi o'h

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