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please help I don't know what to do!!!!!


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Posted

Tomorrow night is my mom's wake. We have decided to keep the casket closed for the public but at the funeral home they said that if we want, they would let us see her. I don't know what to do. I am so devasteted. I don't know if seeying her again is going to make things even worst for me. i really don't know what to do. Any advice?????????I am so scared that I wont be able to deal with the next few days?

Thank you

Martha

Posted

I can't tell you what to do. No one can make the decision for you.

Do you fear seeing anyone in a casket?

Have you been to a wake with open casket before?

Sometimes seeing a loved one one last time can help finalize the goodbye process. At other times, it can be traumatic, depending on the individual.

My dad just passed on Sunday. I can relate to your loss. You have my sympathies.

Posted

Martha,

I agree with the others that this is a decision that only you can make and only you can know what is best for you. From my own personal experience, I can tell you that all my fears of seeing Bill in his casket where calmed beyond anything I can explain to you when I did see him for the first time as he looked so wonderful, so peaceful and so cancer-free. I pray that you find the answers you are looking for.

Love,

Posted

I too was scared I would not be able to handle my Dad's visitation and funeral. I felt sick to my stomach all day before the visitation. When I saw Dad in the casket I just knew he was no longer there, that it was just his body, he had already gone onto heaven.

I felt like I was being carried through the two days. I felt stronger than I could have ever imagined. I was even able to get up and speak at the funeral.

I bet you too will be amazed by your strength. Follow your heart and the Lord will give you strength.

Love,

Denise

Posted

Such a tough decision. I was the only one of the kids or grandkids to see Dad in the casket. For me, it meant closure. It was a horrible experience because the man lying in the casket didn't look like the healthy, happy, strong man I had known all my life. The cancer battle had devastated him. Still, I needed to close that loop and say goodbye.

On the other hand, my brothers have never regretted their decisions NOT to view Dad in the casket.

I guess the question is: What do you need to do to get through this? Whatever that is, do it -- regardless of what other family members may think.

My heart is with you.

Pam

Posted

Dear martha,

I totally agree with Denise, when I was going to see my brother Mark for the first time in the casket I was so afraid..When we finally got to the funeral home, I went in very slowly and realized once I saw Mark that he was no longer there..He was at peace with Our Dear Lord..That was not my loving brother laying there lifeless, his pain and suffering were finally over..

Whatever you decide, please know our loved ones give us the strength we need every day to go on..

God Bless You..

Donna

Posted

The decision is yours but I will tell you about my experience. When my mom died of LC in 1985 I too dreaded seeing her in her casket. When I did go I was so glad that I did. My last memories of her alive were of someone I didn't know because she looked so bad. In her casket all of the years of pain had left her. She looked 15 years younger and I was so relieved. I knew that she was free of pain and heartache.

It is never easy to say goodby but when you know that your loved one has suffered it is a relief to know that their suffering is over. It is we who are left behind who have to find a way to cope and get through the pain of loss. Your mom is free now and someday you will see her again. I pray that God gives you what you need to get through this. Bless you.

Posted

I, too, totally agree with Denise. If I was to write something, it would be the exact same thing she said. Also, my Dad looked so extremely handsome and healthy in the casket, just like he did in life before the cancer, minus his beautiful hair. I knew he was at peace, finally after all the pain, I also didn't feel like it was really him there, his spirit was already free and that was just his body. His heart was already in mine and that is what lives on, the body is just the shell. I can honestly say that is how I felt, after all of the fear my ENTIRE life of experiencing that moment. I am so very sorry for your loss.

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