hollyanne Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Hi - I know everyone is different -- yet, this question is to everyone who has lost someone. How long before you started to have better hours during the day? What helped your grieving process? I am doing just o.k. - but I have a strong faith and I know the glorious place my mom is....and I have a husband and new baby to take up my time. I miss my mom so much...but I do have good parts of my days. My dad lost his soul mate....I so desperately want to help make it better for him. He does go to the gym to work out and he works about 2-3 days a week....so I am thankful for that -- yet, I have never seen my super strong dad so emotional and in so much pain -- can I do anything???? Love, Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Hello, Holly, Ginny (as well as others) has always given the best advice - keep busy. Have lots and lots of projects on your plate. As far as your dad is concerned, I can only use myself as an example. I can't think of anything that anyone can do to help me except be there when I want to talk and/or cry, listen to me and hug me, all without preaching and/or a lot of advice. I don't much like it when people tell me Don is in a better place, that he's with the Lord, or that he is now without pain or suffering. I already know that, and it gives me a lot of comfort, but it doesn't help my personal pain. My personal grieving is selfish - it's all about me. Regardless, whether some think Don didn't lose to cancer, I did lose, and I lost big time, and it hurts. So, one way you can help your dad is to figure out a way to make him comfortable to grieve with you (or to you). Ask him how he's doing - how he's really doing, and then let him talk - and talk - and talk - and cry, and talk and talk and cry some more. Cry with him, hold him, and most important - let him know that it's ok for him to share those feelings with you, but only if you mean it. In my case, my son would not be able to handle it. He can't be the one to hear about or see my grief because it only makes it worse for him. If you can handle it, and really want to help him, then give it a try. If not, then don't try because it will make things worse for you, personally. If you can't do it, see if you can find someone your dad can do this with, and would be willing to do it, be it a counselor, family person, close friend, or pastor. The only other thing I can think of that you could do to help him would be to see if you can facilitate finding things for him to do, especially worthwhile and fulfilling-type things. Maybe some volunteer work, asking if he can help you paint your house, or take care of the kids, or see if you can get him to do some things to fix up his house or car. You know your dad better than anyone else, so you can do a better job thinking of things that might interest him. Sorry this is so long, Holly, and I hope that maybe there might be at least one little thing here that will help you and/or your dad. Grieving isn't easy, no matter what we do, but I do think there are things that can help, especially asking God for guidance. Much love, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Holly, If you were my daughter I would love you for being who and how you are. Then I would INSIST that you go home w/ your wonderful new baby to your husband. Any parent wants nothing but the best for children. Let your dad know that you care and are available for phone calls and visits. then go home. If your dad knows that you trust him to grieve he will do that....... This is purely subjective. I can only tell you that knowing that my kids are going about their lives is a comfort to me and allows me to focus on my adjustment process. It is all I can do to breathe...............I could not add worrying about my children. Each situation is unique..........I am just letting you look through my eyes for a moment. Much love and concern. P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michelepal Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Holly, I think everyone is different but its still so new give yourself and your Father time.it's been 11 weeks since by Dad passed away and every day is a challange for my family, we miss him so much he was our rock.so please don't be to hard on yourself or your Dad Time does help but not yet. Everynight when I get into bed I thank God I made it through another day! Keep the Faith. My E-mail is michelepal@aol.com if you want to talk! Take care Michele Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michelepal Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Holly, I think everyone is different but its still so new give yourself and your Father time.it's been 11 weeks since by Dad passed away and every day is a challange for my family, we miss him so much he was our rock.so please don't be to hard on yourself or your Dad Time does help but not yet. Everynight when I get into bed I thank God I made it through another day! Keep the Faith. My E-mail is michelepal@aol.com if you want to talk! Take care Michele Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Holly, Peggy hit the nail on the head. Grief is very selfish. No words will change the pain. I found that when you are busy, your mind has to focus on something other than your loss. And slowly you find that the pain is not as severe, not gone, but not as severe. Time, it takes time. But, if you do not feel and see that you and your Dad are moving forward, maybe you want to consider grief consuling. Holly, it is tough, I know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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