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2 months yesterday


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It was 2 months ago yesterday when Rick passed away, and I still miss him so much, but it is starting to get a little easier to remember to breathe in and out every day. I don't feel like I'm having a non-stop anxiety attack anymore, just once in a while. And I think that's good, but it also makes me afraid that I'll start to forget some things about him, and I want to remember everything.

I dream about him all the time, and in these dreams he's not sick or dying. It's like he's really here, and everything is normal and lung cancer was never a part of our vocabulary. And then I wake up and realize it was just a dream. But I'm glad that I have these dreams, because I feel like I'm really with him, if only for a moment. And they are happy, good dreams - not sad or scary. It's only when I wake up that I'm sad.

The marker is on his grave now, and it looks very nice. Since he was buried in a National military cemetery, all the markers look the same. I just hope that the grass starts growing soon. I think it probably will, because his section is pretty much filled up now, and so the ground won't be disturbed there anymore. It's a very beautiful, peaceful place, with rolling green hills, lovely trees and small creeks, and it seems miles away from everything. I've taken some really nice pictures there, two of which I entered into photo contests. One took first place and the other took third. Rick must have had something to do with that, as he was a good photographer, too. I just wish that I would have taken more pictures of him.

Take care, everyone, and thanks for being here for me. It really helps.

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