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From bad to worse

j's girl

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I was just starting to get into the Christmas season. Figuring out the perfect gift for every member of my family and kind of thinking about what Mom would get for everyone.

Mom's been gone for just over 3 months and now my Dad has to have surgery next week. He has a mass in his colon that may or may not be cancerous. On the positive side, the dr said the CT showed the surrounding organs look clean. But I guess it's a fairly large mass. Dad asked if it could be removed raproscopicly (sp?) and the dr said technically yes but given the size of the hole he'll have to cut to get it out, he may as well open him up and have a look around.

I'm scared but it feels nothing like when we found out Mom probably had cancer. I'm a little baffled as to why I feel so calm about it. I guess we've already battled the LC beast and it isn't quite so unknown. I love my Dad but I'm not nearly as close to him as I was to Mom.

My ulcerative colitis was just settling down and now it's taken a turn for the worse. My dr gave me a prescription for paxil a couple of days ago. I guess it takes a while to really have any effect.

I'm starting to wonder what I'm supposed to learn from all of this. So far the lesson has been "Don't assume things can't get any worse". There is always room for decline.

I'm just feeling a little sorry for myself. Somehow it just helps to type it all out. Thanks for listening, I mean reading.


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