Missing Jack...

[beachnut]

I am missing Jack so very much. Since he only passed away November 13 it is still all so raw feeling. Thanksgiving was hard and I even dread Christmas. It is just so lonely at home. If I didn't have my dogs I would be bonkers. All the business I need to take care of is overwhelming. I am still waiting on the death certificate so am basically on hold for most things right now.

It seems like everything just is so wrong without him.

I keep asking for a sign from him that he is fine, but have not had anything yet.

What I wouldn't give to see his face or hear his voice just one more time.

I just miss him so very much and needed to vent a little. Thanks to all on this board who bring so much support.

Shirley

[Leslie]

Shirley--

I really relate to your post. I lost my dad on November 2nd. I miss him so much. While we were able to create some new traditions for Thanksgiving, it was still hard.

Although my dad had lung cancer for six months, I still feel shocked by his death. Whenever I say it in my head--that my dad is gone--it feels like I've been punched in the stomach. It takes my breath away.

I find myself feeling like my world feels so insecure and I feel so vulnerable right now. I try hard not to get into the "Why us?" mindset...but it feel so unfair.

Anyways, just wanted to say that I hear you.

I wish you strength.

Best,

Leslie

[Ry]

I know how you feel. My kids are a great distraction and help keep my mind off things. If it wasn't for them I would just skip Christmas. Even though you don't have the death certificates you can still make all the calls re: insurance, retirement, etc. as most of them will send forms that need to be returned with the death certificates. That way you're ahead somewhat. Hang in there.

Rochelle

[RandyW]

Big Hugs for everyone here tonite Missing someone. THe holidays are especially difficult to deal with. It kind of hurts to see everybody so happy and cheerful and laughing and havcing fun and knowing that deep down we can not laugh like that ever again. Things change but nnot everything changes!!

(((((((((((((((((Shirley, Leslie and Ry))))))))))))))))))))))))

[teriw]

Hi Shirley,

I'm so sorry for what you're feeling right now. It's all still very, very new and raw, as you said.

The feeling of things just being "wrong" without him. I so understand that feeling. It's like a law of nature is being broken, every minute of every day.

It's 19 weeks today since I lost my Bill. In many ways, it still doesn't seem real. Other than things I absolutely had to do, I didn't really address any of the business paperwork until now. Even now, I'm slowly doing one thing at a time. For most things, there is no rush. Do it when you can and when you feel up to it. I'm finding that although I'm addressing things in a manner that has absolutely no rhyme or reason, they are getting done -- albeit slowly. But I'm realizing that that's okay.

I too get great comfort from my dog. She was our angel, and now she's mine!

Be gentle on yourself. Look for things that make you smile. Spend time with people who love you and "get" you. Go through your grief process your way, not how someone else says you should.

Thinking of you (and Ry) tonight...

[Welthy]

Shirley,

I understand what you are feeling. You are still in what I called the "deer in the headlights" phase. Everything is still so new and surreal. I think I'm moving into the "you can come home now, I've had enough of this" stage of grieving for Tony (6 1/2 weeks). The loneliness is unbearable at times and each day seems like an eternity without them.

I jumped on the paperwork immediately. I don't work, so it gave me something to do, although I now have a crick in my neck from sitting on the phone for hours at a time with lawyers, accountants, Social Security, Medicare, his former company, insurance people, etc., etc. It seems endless. My poor sweet dog died 2 months before Tony, so everything seems wrong in my house. I do have a cranky old cat and son at home though!

I wish there was a magic wand I could wave over everyone who is hurting so badly here, but that's not happening. I have no wisdom as to how to get through the days other than to continue to share with us here and lean on those around you for support.

Many hugs for your aching heart,

Welthy

[lilyjohn]

I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and Ry and all of the others who are in the first stages of this nightmare. I am sure that you are still in shock. Even when you know that the end is coming you don't really expect it. I know for my mom I had expected her death for a couple of months but when she actually died it was like I was living in a world that was sureal.

Give yourself all the time and all the tears that it takes to get you through the days. Holidays alone ( and without that special someone we are alone even in a crowd)are always hard to face but when your loss comes so close to the holidays it is almost impossible to find any joy in the season in the years to come.

We carry on for the others in our lives and in time we slowly see a peep of the sun. It is not easy but we learn that we can live again just not the life that we expected or dreamed of having.

[Barbb]

I am feeling the same way you guys are. It just DOESN'T seem real, when do I get to wake up from the nightmare and life is they way it was last (2006) summer before my sister-in-law died, too? When will we feel "safe" again, when will we be content again? I also wonder why Rod? He was such a good, decent man.

I saw my therapist today and she had a lot of good things to say to me. I couldn't have gotten through the past 5 months without her help. This has really brought me to my knees in more ways than one. I can't believe how unreal this seems. Surreal is my new descriptive word for my life.

Prayers to all of us grieving people to get strong again.

Love to all

Barb