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"I Did Not Choose..."


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Long, but I thought it was interesting. They handed this out at our children's grief support group this week. Insert your loved one's name in the blank. I found some of the sentences very empowering, after feeling so out of control for so long.



I Did Not Choose to Become Bereaved

I did not choose to become bereaved.

I grieve because I loved much. My _______ died, but my ability to love didn’t die!

Since I loved, and still love very much I expect my grief to be painful.

I realize that each person grieves differently.

I accept that other family members have grieved and will grieve differently than I do.

I have a responsibility to love and live on.

I can fulfill that responsibility if I grieve and allow others to grieve.

I am a part of my family and of humanity.

Grief need not build a wall between my family and me, but can build a bridge.

I choose to allow grief to strengthen our family ties.

Grief is very real; it is not rational.

I am learning to accept in others what appears irrational to me.

I am learning to accept the irrational in my thoughts and actions.

Crying is a part of grief and is therapeutic; it is not weak or selfish.

I must allow myself to cry, even openly.

Grieving does not answer the question, “Why?”

Since there is no acceptable answer, I must accept the unanswered question.

My ____ was a person; an important person to me.

I will not forget the love and the life we had before the death.

I cannot return to the ‘normal’ that existed before ____’s death.

I must go on to what is now to be the ‘new normal’ for me.

Getting on to a new normal does not mean forgetting _____.

______ remains in my thinking and my talking now, and will in the future.

I cannot be grateful that ___ died.

I am grateful that _____ lived and choose to express that gratitude.

I cannot forget the events surrounding the death of my loved one.

I realize that healing does not mean forgetting.

If I allow it to, by my grieving, time will produce some healing.

I could not control the past, which included the death of _____.

I do have some control over the future as I build the future with my family.

____’s death did not happen so that I might become a better person.

I choose to allow ___’s death and my grief to make me a better person.

There was much I did not understand before I joined the fellowship of the bereaved.

Because of my loss, I choose to become more understanding, tolerant, and compassionate.

My grief has created and brought many emotional needs for me.

I can meet those needs by meeting the similar needs of others.

My spiritual beliefs did not die with the death of _____.

I choose to use them to help me through the difficult times.

Questioning those beliefs and values is not wrong.

I will, as a result of my questionings, strengthen my beliefs.

I did not choose to become bereaved, but I choose to allow good to come out of what has been so painful for me.

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the reason that 1 year 11 months and 2 weeks and 6 days I am still here helping out.. Thanks for sharing that it really does hit home in a lot of ways and I hope everyone hurting this day gets to read these posts.

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