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Being back home.


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I thought I could run away from the pain. While I was with my family I was able to talk about Rod and it didn't hurt. It was like other trips I took when he stayed home. But back then, when I got home he would be here. This time he isn't. I keep expecting him to be in the kitchen, I want to go tell him something about the little cousins or something about Hawaii. But he isn't here. I still can't accept that he is gone. Last night I just had to take a nap, I slept on the couch while the sun was up and it was dark when I woke. It felt just like the first weeks after my family went home after the services. Cold. Lonesome. There is no running. And I know I could never leave this place to live elsewhere.


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I thought I could run away from the pain.

And I know I could never leave this place to live elsewhere.


I understand and am sending hugs of comfort your way.

I give you so much credit to even attempt to go away. I ended up canceling my plans -- just couldn't leave my home.

This grief is a wacky business with so many twists and turns. We'll never be the same people as we were before we lost our loves.

Take care of yourself and get the rest you need Barb. You've been through another huge emotional experience. This roller coaster ride just keeps going...

Big hugs,


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I too give you credit for taking the trip outside of your comfort zone. And I'm happy for you that you were able to share memories with your family and just enjoy them while you were away.

I understand about "coming home." I think everytime we step outside of our comfort zone -- in small ways and large -- we experience the "coming home" feeling significantly and all that it brings. A "home" that will never be the same. That's so hard to accept.

You took a step, Barb. A big one. I'm sure that nap was just what you needed.


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