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Oh Dear Lord, Will I Survive This????


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JUst wanted to let everyone know that I have been reading your posts and remembering everyone in my prayers. I have been having an extremely hard time dealing with Dennis's death. Three weeks from today will mark the 1 year anniversary of his death. For some reason, I can not think of any happy times now, as I have managed to do in the past months from time to time. All that is hitting me now is pain and suffering and remembering! God, the remembering is the worst. Will I ever be able to erase from my mind how sick he was last Thanksgiving? Every time I close my eyes, I relive exactly where I was this time last year! Now, I can almost hear him talking to me. It's as if he's reminding me of things. When I see friends that I haven't seen in months, they don't even mention Dennis. My God, have they forgotten him? It's almost as if he never lived, yet he touched so many lives! I'm now working on the memorial for the newspaper. I must have written and re-written it a thousand times. Now, I finally asked my son to do it for me. All I seem to remember is how he wanted to go to his Mom's for Thanksgiving dinner last year. We practically had to carry him in and out of the car but he did make it. Everyone at that table knew it would be the last big meal together...and it was! I look back and don't know how I did it! I'm not really that strong, so God had to be guiding me every step of the way! Please pray for me that I can survive these next weeks, which will be so hard. I loved Dennis so much and really thought I was doing well with this!!! My heart is broken...all over again!!!!!

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I am so sorry. This will be my first holiday season without my best friend. It is so painful, so I think I can understand what you are going through.

A very good friend of mine sent me a book titled the Decembered grief. It has helped me to atleast look at the holiday's and understand that they will never be the same again. But that there are things I can do to get through them.

I too have found that after Randy died, my "friends" have scattered like dust in the wind. A few have stuck around, but most have disappeared. I don't know if it was from fear, or what. But I know they are not here and it hurts. I hope I never become that shallow to those I love.

I will keep you in my prayers that you are able to find some peace.

I have found if I keep a "happy" picture of Randy around to look at, that I remember him more like he was before he became ill. I know that is how he would want to be remembered also. I would not want my children to remember him so sick but to be able to think back to some of the good times we had.

Take care my dear.

Warm hugs and much love coming your way.


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Dear Ann,

I know what you are saying about sometimes old friends not even mentioning our loved ones. I think that they feel that they are "protecting us from hurt" by doing this. If you bring up his name first they will know that you want to talk about him. Some people will just not feel comfortable in decussing such a painful topic with you. You will know who can help you with this and who can't.

I think what you are feeling is normal with the holidays. Be extra kind and patient with yourself right now and know that you are doing the best that you can. The memorial for the newspaper is a wonderful thing to do.

I will be praying for you and know that you are not alone.

(((((((((((((ANN)))))))))))) Shelly

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Ann, our hearts are going to break over and over again due to this tragedy that has happened in our lives. Each time it breaks, your heart will become bigger, that's what I tell myself anyways. People remember your love, but it will always be strongest with you. Keep care of yourself right now, and remember, it is a blessing to have loved that strongly. There is no time frame or map for grief, and everything you feel is OK. Thinking of you and wishing you dream a fantastic dream of your love tonight. Mirrell

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Guest canuckwebgrrl


I'm sure no one has forgotten Dennis. They probably just don't want to upset you by bringing Dennis up when they see you...or maybe they're trying to avoid upsetting themselves.

You have more strength than you're willing to see right now. I hope you start remembering the wonderful times you & Dennis had together, and the lives he touched.

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