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Why am I so worried?


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I'm afraid the MRI results are going to be bad on Monday. I don't know why because the CT results were great. The MRI lasted an hour and a half. Is that good or bad? I don't know. In the beginning the only met was to the liver. We are focusing on that so much that I worry the MRI is going to show something somewhere else because of the pain he has been experiencing. I know I am probably worried about nothing.

I am also feeling a little down in relation to other things. My granddaughter has lived with me since birth and now she is going to go with my daughter to her new apartment. I am so used to her taking up all my extra time that I don't have time to worry about everything else.

Today I was all alone and didn't know what to do with myself. Tom and Vivienne were at work and Jayla was with her mom. Me, all alone. It was actually a beautiful day here in Palatine. I went outside and took a walk around the house. I found myself standing in the middle of my yard staring at my lilac bushes that finally decided to bloom. Everything was so pretty and all I could do was stand there and cry.

I got to thinking that this could be the reality of my life. I've never been alone before. I have always lived with someone. It is the most alone I have ever felt in my life.

As I sit here and type this I find my self crying again. I hope I don't short out the keyboard.

DAMN YOU SCANXIETY!!!

Denise

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Hi Denise. I sometimes think we need to be alone, to give ourselves the time we need to let those darn tears out and get it over with. Because we so dearly don't want to do that when our loved ones are around. You have been so strong through all of this and a down day every once in awhile is perfectly normal. Yes, I would be scared too re MRI results, although I am pretty sure being in there for a long time is perfectly normal. Any test we have during this disease is cause for worry, that is just how it is now. And the best we can do, is take a deep breath, hope for the best, hear the results, and move on from that as best we can. And with all else, you have someone who was in your life, now moving on a bit, so that must be difficult as well. My thoughts are with you during this worrying time. May tomorrow be a better day.

Sandra

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Oh Denise, I can so relate to your post, the thought of being alone is always in the back of my mind, I try to leave it there but it does creep forward at times! I don't think the MRI taking long really means anything bad, Dave has had a couple for different things before and they were certainly not quick and one took longer than the other but showed nothing so try not to worry until there is something to worry about!

I just try to stay busy and cherish every minute/hour/day of "good" that I have not alone. You have been amazingly strong so far so just keep it up! Thoughts and prayers with you and let us know how the tests go, we find results of first CT Scan on Wednesday so I know what you are experiencing!

Deb

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Denise,

My Husbands last MRI was also a long one, I know it was over an hour as well. We had good results so don't think that the amount of time the scan takes makes a difference on how bad the scan is. We will be thinking of you tomorrow and sending lots of good vibes for good results.

Barb

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Hi Denise,

I am thinking of you and wishing for the best possible results.

I also understand how your feeling. The idea of being alone, is very frightening for me.

I have no family. My parents died a couple of years ago, and aside for some good friends

I have no one except for Hank. The thought of losing him, is to much to think about, it instantly brings tears. I do my best in coping with this situation when I do everything I can to distract myself from it. It's not easy to do, but I have to make a big effort to get my mind involved in something else when it begins to wander off to that bad place.

No matter what, the tears do and must come. The stress has to be relieved somehow.

At our last visit to the oncologist's office, I was talking to one of the nurses there. A really nice woman named Gloria. As we were talking, the tears just started to fall, they fell all the was home, about an hour and a half worth of tears. I felt embarrassed and sorry that I had broken down with someone that I really don't know well, but I forgive myself now, the release has to come. This is a tough thing to go through. I never imagined how tough it would be.

I also remind myself, that sooner or later, no matter what the final outcome of this lousy situation is, it will be alright.

I'm keeping you and Tom in my thoughts, and wishing you all the best,

Gail

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