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lil ones

David A

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> 1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but It was

> > dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.

> > "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the Child

> > innocently. "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You

> > know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't

> > move."

> > ___________________________________________

> >

> > 2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes

> > later...."Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of

> > water?" "No, You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later:

> > "Da-aaaad......" "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??" "I

> > told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes

> > later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT! "When you come in to spank me, can

> > you bring a drink of water?"

> >

> > -----------------------------------------------------------------------

> >

> > 3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,

> > finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy

> > thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and

> > keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan,

> > come in or stay out!'"

> >

> > ____________________________________________

> >

> > 4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was

> >

> > tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he

> > asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me

> > tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't

> > dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was

> > broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."

> > ____________________________________________

> >

> > 5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the

> > children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One

> > little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat

> > down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is

> > it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the

> > pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a witch to

> > iron." ___________________________________________

> >

> > 6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old

> > came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.

> > She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember

> > Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, but

> > what's growing in your butt?"

> >

> > ____________________________________________

> >

> > 7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two

> > plus five, that son of a witch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a

> > witch is nine...."His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What

> > are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework,

> > Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother

> > asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the

> > next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied,

> > "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you

> > teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a witch is four?" After

> > the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two

> > plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

> > ____________________________________________

> >

> > 8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken

> > Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken

> > Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little

> > went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is

> > falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you

> > think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I

> > think he said: 'Holy shi_! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable

> > to teach for the next 10 minutes.

> >


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