David A Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 > 1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but It was > > dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. > > "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the Child > > innocently. "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You > > know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't > > move." > > ___________________________________________ > > > > 2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes > > later...."Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of > > water?" "No, You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: > > "Da-aaaad......" "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??" "I > > told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes > > later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT! "When you come in to spank me, can > > you bring a drink of water?" > > > > ----------------------------------------------------------------------- > > > > 3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, > > finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy > > thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and > > keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, > > come in or stay out!'" > > > > ____________________________________________ > > > > 4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was > > > > tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he > > asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me > > tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't > > dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was > > broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy." > > ____________________________________________ > > > > 5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the > > children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One > > little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat > > down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is > > it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the > > pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a witch to > > iron." ___________________________________________ > > > > 6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old > > came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. > > She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember > > Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, but > > what's growing in your butt?" > > > > ____________________________________________ > > > > 7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two > > plus five, that son of a witch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a > > witch is nine...."His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What > > are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, > > Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother > > asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the > > next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, > > "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you > > teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a witch is four?" After > > the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two > > plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four." > > ____________________________________________ > > > > 8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken > > Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken > > Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little > > went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is > > falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you > > think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I > > think he said: 'Holy shi_! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable > > to teach for the next 10 minutes. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teresag Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 LOVED the addition one! Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terrie Posted December 3, 2003 Share Posted December 3, 2003 Thanks. Terrie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted December 3, 2003 Share Posted December 3, 2003 Those darn talking chickens'll get you EVERY time! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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