Flyman35 Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo men with my sensuous and godlike Bari sax playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of denim evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends,to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis. ............................. I LOVE MY FRIENDS SO MUCH!!!!!!!!! YOU ALL ROCK!!!!!!!I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO WITHOUT YOU!!!!!! Denise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muriel Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Denim evening wear. That's gotta be gorgeous But did you get an invitation to "the" wedding? Muriel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flyman35 Posted July 17, 2008 Author Share Posted July 17, 2008 That is just half of what I have accomplished in my lifetime. Denise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry's Wife Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Me? I once changed a vaccuum cleaner bag without assistance. I have since purchased a bagless, so now I'm on the racing circuit. LOL, Denise. I adore your sense of humor!! Lynn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barbb Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 THAT was FUNNY Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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