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When does reality hit?


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I just passed the 5 month mark of my Dad's passing. These past 5 months just don't seem real. I know he passed, I know he is gone...BUT - I don't feel he is gone. I still wait for him to wallk in the room. When the phone rings, I expect it to be him. I have actually "seen" him sitting in his chair - I hear him snore during his afternoon nap. My Dad was my everything - the feeling I have of him around me is so strong that it makes him feel real. While this is a wonderful thing - it is a horrible thing. I can not come to terms with his death when he is still so "here" for me. The strength he is giving me is amazing but at the same time - I need to hit bottom - I need to break down and accept things.

Just rambling yet again -

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Dina, As someone who lost her mother at a very young age, I have come to believe that the spirit of a parent can come to comfort us when life becomes particularly difficult. Who says it's time for you to break down and let his presence go? I say let him stay with you awhile. You obviously still need him. Trust yourself that if you start engaging with the world and living your life, you and he will know it's time for him to go from your consciousness. And since your bond is that strong, trust he will return in spirit to support you should you need him later in life.

Judy in Key West

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There is no timetable...but it can be a while...but it isn't like "lightning ever hit me" anmd boom I realized it.

One day I woke up realizing I had been realizing the truth all along.

I'd equate it to learning a language, you know you are learning it, you go to class do your homework...no mystery...but the nnight you dream it, you realize your knowlege of the language is QUITE real.

Same with the reality of those we love being gone...wee know it, it's real...and one day it may not be a lightning bolt moment...it just is...that's how it was for me anyway.

But somedays I still don't feel like it is real...even 2 years later.

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I think it's a process and how it unfolds really depends on our unique personalities and the unique place the person we lost held/holds in our life.

I understand what you mean about feeling like you need to accept it. I felt like that for a little while too, but then I realized that it can't be rushed. There's a reason it takes time. What I refer to as the "shell of denial" needs to be chipped away little by little. To do it all at once would be too much.

Give yourself time to grieve and not rush what you think you should be feeling or not feeling. There's no time table. Allow yourself to go through it naturally, knowing that it's not a linear process -- but one where we make strides, then feel as if we've moved backwards again. But if you looked at a graph, you'd see your progress over time.


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