First Xmas without my sister....

[Faith711]

Being at my brother-in-laws house with the kids and my parents last night.... without my sister. It really doesn't feel as if this has happened. I felt like my sister would be walking in at any moment, that I hadn't seen her die... and she would see her 5 y/o and say, "Wow, Matt, you have grown so much since I last saw you." The kids would all be screaming and excited to see mom... and none of this ever happened. I'm sad... I've lost my sister and 2 dogs in the last 1.5 years - I don't get it. My big girl (mastiff) was diagnosed with osteosarcoma in November and passed away on December 4th. My sister adored her - I hope they are together now. I hope there is "another side"... because I've gotten no signs from my sister that she's there. My last image of her haunts me every single day... I wish I hadn't seen her "fixed up" - that really didn't work for me. I wish my last image of her had been with all the tubes attached in the ICU..and said my goodbye. Fixing her up and propping her chin up with a pillow, etc.. it's messed up. I'm rambling because I'm just sitting here crying.... I'm so sad.. Anyway, my thoughts and prayers are with everyone who has to deal with this horrible disease....

[Nick C]

Faith.

First off, I am so sorry for the pain of that first Christmas. I can imagine how hard it must have been.

And I wish for you the faith to know your sister is eternal.

[shineladysue]

(((Faith))),

I'm so sorry for all your pain and all your loss. It's so hard, especially when there are young children left behind . One day, I do believe you will get something in the way of a sign or maybe dreams that can be interpreted as signs. I also believe in time you will be able to replace those last memories of how you saw your sister with memories of how you want to remember her. I find that , in my case, some of the memories that were the hardest or that plagued me for weeks and months after I lost my husband began to fade or to become less harsh. I think it all happens when we reach a point of acceptance. Know that we do understand and you did exactly what you should do by coming here to vent about it. Holidays are especially hard.

Hugs,

Sue

[sharyn]

Faith, I am so sorry... Try to replace those last visions of her with happier ones... I had a dear friend pass and seeing her in her casket was etched in my mind and I couldn't picture her any other way... I finally put a great picture of her smiling on my fridge door... after a few weeks, the other image faded away... Please know I am praying for you. Love, Sharon

[Donna]

Dear Faith,

I am so very sorry to hear of your sisters passing..Siblings are especially hard to loose, they were our best friends in life!

Your sister is with you, and you will see signs from her..My brother sends me Pennies from Heaven! Every time I talk to Mark, I find a penny..

The holidays are especially difficult, but you will know that she is always with you, and please know there are a lot of people praying for you!

Love,

Donna

[fillise]

Faith,

I'm so sorry this Christmas was so painful. I can't do anything by send a big cyber hug.

((((Faith))))

We are here for you,

Susan

[jaminkw]

Faith, I am so sorry for the pain you are having to endure. And I'm sorry about the "fixing up" of your sister too. I lost a dear friend a few months ago and was very upset when I found out they were going to let people see him in a casket. He was so thin and I'm sure even though they "fixed him up," he would not want people seeing him like that. Like you said, it didn't work for you and that is so sad. But I think some people need the traditional viewing to make the person's death real for them. It was already too real for you. I like Sharon's idea of a nice picture on the fridge or by your bed, anyplace where you will see it often.

Take care, Judy in Key West