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Update on my father


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Dad is now in a rehabilitation center under skilled nursing care. It is really hard to tell how he is because one time I can go in there to see him and he is acting halfway normal and then other times he is way out there. They are trying to get him to do some rehab to get him strong enough to move from the hospital bed to the bedside commode and back in bed with assistance but so far he is fighting them with the rehab and he has fallen out of bed 4 times in the middle of the night after waking up and trying to get up and go to the potty only to realize his legs dont work anymore and boom he is on the floor. They have him on Decadron for the swelling in his brain and they did six treatments of radiation on the brain mets until he refused last Thursday to do anymore. I have been going to see him at the rehab center two or three times daily for a few hours each time, until this weekend. Friday I was diagnosed with upper respiratory infection and given antibiotics and I was told not to go see him for at least twenty four hours but I was so sick, I couldnt get out of bed, I was running a fever of 101 most of the weekend. When I went in to see him on Monday even though I still felt horrible but didnt want to be away from him any longer, He was all curled up in his bed and looked frightened and he started crying and told me he didnt think I was coming back. We then had to explain to him why he was there and what all has happened for the past two weeks because he didnt remember. It is so hard when he keeps going back and forth between knowing what is going on and then not knowing. The nurses tell us it is because of the brain mets.

Last night I went in to see him and he was so hateful. He was complaining about everything and telling stories that I knew were not true about how they were abusing him and leaving him in his own bowel movements for two days and they were holding him against his will. He wants to come home so bad but Hospice told me he needs to get some rehab first so that it wont be so hard on me. I have a herniated disk and my father is a very large man and they are afraid if he isnt able to help out a bit with transfering that I will hurt myself or him. He has lost sixty pounds in two weeks and it makes me feel so horrible and guilty when he is being this way about being in there. I dont know what to do. I think about bringing him home because I sure dont want him to die alone in there but at the same time if he isnt going to die anytime soon, I think he does need to get stronger. Does that make any sense? I am so torn with what to do and my sister had to go back home for now. So I have to make all the decisions on my own. It is just so hard because I never know how he is going to act or what he is going to do.

Has anyone else had these experiences with someone with brain mets and what am I looking at now? I have tried looking to see others experiences with brain mets but dont have an awful lot of time to look all the time so decided to ask everyone. Sorry I just sat here and complained all night about this. Take care, Shelly in Florida

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Oh Shelly --

I don't know that I have any great input or suggestions, but your post broke my heart. It's so hard when we, the "children" suddenly become the caregivers for our parents. You have to do what's right for him, but it has to be what's right for you too........trust your decisions and ask for God's guidance.

Hugs and prayers,


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I feel awful about the position you're in. Must be horrible to be so torn.

Would it be at all possible to have your dad come home with an aide to come in twice a day to transfer him, and work on PT with him? It sounds like a vicious circle that needs breaking somewhere if he's going to regain his strength.

You are both in my prayers tonight.


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I am so sorry you are going through this. It must be so hard to see your father acting in these uncharacteristic ways. It must be tearing you up to see your father so frightened and suffering and feel so helpless to relieve it.

I've read some good advice from one of our members on another posting that said any decision made, based on love is the correct one. No one here can predict the future, and we do not know how long we have. Your father is getting the best care that can be provided for him at this time. If you are not physically able to bring him home now, than do not feel guilty or second guess this situation. You are doing what is best for the long run. It would be so much different if we knew what to expect and could see the future. Then we would know when exactly it is time for us to do certain things, but all I can say is to make your decisions with love. There should be no regrets or guilt on those types of decisions.

Hang in there, and I will be praying for you both. I pray that God give you both strength; your father physically and you mental/emotionally.

God Bless,


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