michellep Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 In some ways things seem to be getting harder for me. I don't know if it's because the shock of it all is setting in or the holidays are here. Going through all of my husbands things (slowly) if so difficult. I have many places where I started and put things into piles and had to stop because of the tears. Now I have these "piles" all over the house. I know that I need to walk away from these projects and get out of the house but I can't seem to bring myself to do it very often. I think I've only left twice in the past six weeks. I'm hoping that this job I'm waiting for will help me. They said it takes 5-6 weeks for the criminal back round check to be complete. Seems like a long time, but then time is all I have right now. I've decided not to put the big tree up this year. I'll get a Charlie Brown tree like Randy! Anyway, for all of us who have lost a loved one I want you to know that I'm thinking of you and praying for you.....for all of us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 Michelle--I don't say this to discourage you, but to let you know you're not alone. I know that losing my Mom was world's different from the loss you are experiencing, but one of the things I wish someone would have told me was, "It gets harder before it gets easier." And sometimes the harder lasts a long time. I think in our heads we feel like the worst is going to be right when we lose that person we love, but for me at least, my mind couldn't fathom that loss or how that was really going to affect the rest of my life, until some time went on and I was forced to see things as they were. Plus, I think we're conditioned to believe that when something bad happens 'every day will be a little easier.' For me at least with grief I had a lot of days that just fit into the just plain hard category. I was so impatient in my grief. I thought I needed to be coming to some feeling of closure or ok-ness so much sooner than was realistic. It's one of those things that you just have to go THROUGH. Anyway, I hope this isn't a bummer to you. Be gentle with yourself. And know you are so very cared about! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 Michelle- It isn't easy and it wont' be for awhile. Grieving is hard. I couldn't bring myself to go through John's things for a long time. I immediately got rid of all the stuff that was tied to his illness and reminded me of his illness, but the rest was too hard. One day I decided I could start on his dresser and I opened the top drawer to find all the kids baby teeth and cards they had made him-- I shut it and didn't go back to it for a year. There's no time line, just do what you can do when you can do it. The best advice I received was from Ginny who kept saying over and over - keep busy, just keep busy. I changed furniture, I shopped, I made plans for projects, I remodeled, I just kept moving. Rearrange your furniture, paint, do whatever-- just keep planning and one day you'll be on the other side. Rochelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michellep Posted December 1, 2009 Author Share Posted December 1, 2009 I don't really quite understand why suddenly yesterday was so hard for me. The tears just would not stop. I assume it was because reality was finally beginning to set in. I kept telling myself these past weeks that he was just on another business trip and would be walking in the front door anytime. Logic tells me of course this isn't going to happen, but something just kept holding on to that wish. It was 10am yesterday during my meltdown when my son came in and I immediately asked him to go to the store because I needed a drink and buy some alcohol for me. He didn't like it but he went anyway. I ended up spending the day drinking and finally fell asleep at 6pm. The only good thing about that is I actually slept till 5am this morning which is rare these days. Coming here and reading your posts helps me a lot and I appreciate all of you more than I can ever say. I'm telling myself that this is going to take time....a lot of time. It's only been 6 weeks for me and I shouldn't push myself into healing so quickly and I certainly shouldn't be going through his things right now. I need to just walk away for a bit and get outside of the house and perhaps visit with friends. I'm going to try Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 (((Michelle), It has been 3yrs. 8 mo. since I lost my hubby, of nearly 36 years. I don't want to be discouraging , but I want you to know that even after years, you will most likely have meltdowns. Sometimes, I don't post because I haven't moved forward or done well at all without my hubby. Many others have moved on with their lives and done so much better than I have . I just want you to know that I care and I'm keeping you in my prayers. Wish, I could offer some helpful advice. Just know you are not alone in your feelings and I'm always out here with a shoulder to cry on or ears to listen when you need to find someone who understands. Hugs, Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 3 years 11 months and 3 weeks for me since I lost Deb unexpectedly! Yes it hurt for a long time and some days the pain is so fresh it feels like it happened all over again. Most days are good and quiet for me! GET OUT OF THE DAMM BOTTLE!!! Thats a trap You don't want to step into!! I did my own grief therapy and am pretty much ok in my skin now a days!! 1) Its ok to yell at God. No cursing but if ya slip up apologize, after all it is God we are talking about! 2) Its ok to talk to Donald under the stars at nite! he is right over ya and can hear every word and every see every tear!! 3) Throwing Eggs is Healthy. GET IT OUT of your system. Throw eggs and curse or yell but get it out!! 4) get out of the house! you have to interact or you will wind up the crazy old lady with 60 cats and 15 chickens running around the house!! 5) No regrets.. You did everything you could for your husband and He and god know this!! He is proud of you for what you did and how you took care of him. You did everything you could. Sometimes God takes control of our lives for reasons only he can tell us!! 6) Avoid the bottle ! thats an addiction Ya dont want and wont help ya !! Thats My advice Michelle. I always have big dry soft shoulders to lean on and pretty good hearing to listen with. Ya know where to find me !!! ((((((((((((Michelle)))))))))))))))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilyjohn Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 Tomorrow will be seven years and on these days leading up to that date I come completly undone. Today is especially bad. It took me 4 years just to through away reciepts for coffee we bought on our drives. Even then I cried the whole time. The bottle is the last thing that you need, especially when you are already taking all of those pills. They can be a deadly combination and believe me as much as you don't feel like living now you will later. You will also realilze that Donald wants you to live. Take care of yourself and if you feel like crying give me a call we can cry together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Randy's reply is MONEY!!! I prefer splitting wood to eggs, but you get the point...healthy outlet. Michelle, you take it easy on yourself. You are doing great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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