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That's How The Fight Started.....


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How the fight started; funny, long

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping

channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And that's when the fight started....


My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we

were in bed.

I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have s*x?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I

said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started....


I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It

warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....


Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch,

grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.

I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out

into a torrential downpour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage,

turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad

all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and

slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a

different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is


My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid

husband is out fishing in that?'

And that's when the fight started....


A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from

outside.The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled

at the man 'Holy Carp. That must be my husband!'

So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the

window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush

and to his car as fast as he could go. A few minutes later he

returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I

AM your husband!' The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you


And that's when the fight started...


I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Molson Canadian for

$24.95. Instead, she bought a jar of face cream for $17.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the

face cream..

And that's when the fight started....


A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I

feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.

I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's dang near perfect.'

And that's when the fight started....


I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took

my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started....


My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion,

and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat

alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.

I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those

many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' said my wife, 'who would think a person could go on

celebrating that long?'

And that's when the fight started....


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for

my SIN The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's

license to verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go

home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt.' So I opened my shirt

revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof

enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at

the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have

gotten disability, too.'

And that's when the fight started...


When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her

someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.

And that's when the fight started....


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming

anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to

150 in about 3 seconds I bought her a bathroom scale.

And that's when the fight started....


One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery

plot as a Christmas gift.

The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used

the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

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