Michelle has been mia for a while

[michellep]

I haven't posted here in a long time. Although I think about all of you often. I just passed the 7 month mark of my husbands passing. The struggle continues each and everyday. It seems that each time I turn around something bad happens to just make things worse for me. I have slowed down on the depression meds because I don't think they were helping anyway. I also stopped going to therapy because that wasn't helping me either.

I guess I've decided to just work as hard as I can to pull myself together and focus on my future. I've decided to sell my home because there are too many memories here that make me sad. I know I'll be lucky to get half of what we paid for this home, but I just can't stay here much longer. I feel that doing this will be a huge step into a new beginning for me...whatever that might be.

Prayers for strength would be appreciated.

[eric byrne]

Hi Michelle,

Read your posting and something compels me to respond,I am probably the least equipped to offer you words that I could use to lighten your burden,I wont even try ,they would read contrived,shallow and hollow,there are buddies here more able than I.

I can however pray for you, that can pick up the strands and find new adventures and ambitions to pursue ,to begin and enjoy a fullfilled life again,which I am sure your husband would wish.Be patient with yourself,you have coped well so far and I do pray that time will become a great healer for you.

[Joppette]

Hi Michelle,

Sounds like you are doing ok. Not great, but who would expect that? Grief takes it's own time with each of us, and we are all different. I didn't lose a husband, but lost my sis when I was 29, my Dad when I was 31, and my Mom when I was 40, and all to cancer. So I'm not unfamiliar wit grief.

When Mom died, I was lost. Someone told me to give myself time to grieve, and when ready just take baby steps, one little step at a time, and that one day I'd be making big steps. Granted never will stop missing her, but I did get beyond the deep ache of fresh grief along the way.

I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do. God bless you.

Judy in MI

[michellep]

If yellow roses grow in Heaven, Lord, pick a bunch for me~Place them in my Husband's arms & tell him they're from me~ Tell him that I miss him& when he turns to smile ~ place a kiss upon his cheek & hold him for a while~ Beceause remembering him is easy~I do it everyday~There's an ache within my heart that.....will never go away.

Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.

I wish Heaven had a phone so I could hear your voice again.I thought of you today, but that is nothing new, I thought about you yesterday, and days before that too.I think of you in silence, I often speak your name. All I have are memories and a picture in a frame.Your memory is a keepsake, from which i'll never part. God has you in his arms,I have you in my heart

If tears could build a stairway and memories build a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry.

[eric byrne]

Hi Michelle,

Thanks, I dont think I have ever read anything as so moving before,think your husband was so lucky to have spent the time he had with you,just wish he had more.

[jaminkw]

Michelle, you've had a lot to cope with these past seven months. Don't know where your son is on his impending marriage but I'm sure that house must feel real empty there with just you and Randy.

Take care.

Judy in KW

[lilyjohn]

Of all days I picked today to check in here. Your post and the replies just jumped out at me.

I think one of the biggest roadblocks to finding some kind of life during grief is thinking or feeling that someday we need to or will feel the same as we did before.

I think as much as we miss the person we have lost we miss ourselves even more. We are not and can not expect to be nor ever will be the same person that we were. Losing someone you love changes you. Some of those changes may be small and some big but they all come and add to the grief. We mourn our former life, Our loved one and the parts of ourself that have changed.

I can understand you wanting to sell your house but a word of advice. Don't move too quickly. I know the memories are hard but believe me they don't stop coming or hurting just because you move. They say you should give yourself at least a year. Take time write down all of the pros and cons and then decide. A better option may be to rent your house to someone for now and move into an apartment. Check all of your options and don't do anything from just the emotional standpoint.

You know that we are all here for you. I have been away from here for a while because even after nearly 8 years there are times that I need to just back away for a while. A lot of us are on facebook and you have my number.

If you ever want to go somewhere for a quick visit you can always come up and visit me.Take care and keep in touch.

[michellep]

Thank you Lilly for your kind words. I continue to struggle each and everyday trying to pick up the shattered pieces of my and march on. This is the most difficult journey I have endured and as I'm sure you understand that the pain beyond words. Each day and the changes my son and I are making are difficult but I'll keep you informed as to how we are doing. Even if it's from across the country.

[dianew]

Michelle: I haven't been on the board too much lately, so was glad I didn't miss your post - I'd been wondering how you were doing. It sounds like you are doing OK considering the short amount of time that has gone by. I just wanted to add my "two cents" to what LilyJohn said - if renting your house out is an option, it might be something to consider. I was an only child, and when my parents died (within a few months of each other), I moved into their home. Lived there almost a year and could not handle the memories. Sold it when I was still way to emotional, and regret it to this day. Renting it out would not have been so final and I could have changed my mind.

Whatever you decide to do, I am wishing you the best and keeping you in my prayers.

Diane

[Barb73]

Michele,

I haven't been online for a time now, but yesterday was 2 months since Bill's death.

As with you, the memories in this house are difficult to bear. They were good memories, but they hurt each time I enter an area.

Yesterday, I needed some tools to repair something, and Bill's workroom was an invitation to release many tears.

The advice about waiting a year is a sound one. It has been known that minds change over time, and things may not seem the same.

Many things have occurred over the past two months to interrupt the grief process. First, Social Security had me listed as dead. That required many hours in person and on the phone to "resurrect" myself. Once one is "dead" (even in error) Medicare becomes involved. That too needed to be corrected.

Our roof had been deamaged in the violent windstorm, and needed replacement. The roofers broke a window, and a rock from traffic hit the front storm door. All repairs and having to deal with them - not a good atmosphere for "getting through the sadness."

Although, it has been a test of how much grit available in my bag of resources.

Sorry for my rambling here, but I wanted you to know, Michele, that I am right behind you in the grieving. I offer you my hand as we "walk the walk."

I keep you and all of us in my prayers,

Barbara

[lilyjohn]

Looking back over the past 8 years I can see how far I have come. Unlike so many of you I didn't have the luxury of waiting to make decisions. So many things happened in my life in less than a year. Each thing taught me something and made me stronger. Still I know I have made many mistakes and there are some things I would do so much differently if I could do it all again.

Barb learning to do things that someone else always did was really the hardest for me. I went straight from my parent's home to my husband then after my divorce I lived with family here in California then I went to be with Johnny and take care of him. I always had someone to look at the car or repair a piece of furniture or to go with me to places that I was afraid to go alone. Then suddenly I was on my own. It seemed that so many things needed to be taken care of that first year or two. So many decisions had to be made quickly. Looking back now I believe it was God's way of teaching me how to be on my on quickly so I would not stay overwhelmed for the rest of my life.

I have have learned a lot and still have much to learn. I still have decisions to make that I am not sure I will ever really be prepared for so I just wait and see what God has up His sleeve for my next move.

Take care both of you and know that I will be thinking of you and praying for you.