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5 Months


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5 months have passed since Pat so suddenly passed away. I have been battleing to come to grips with the severe grief.

There are periods when I am not alone that the remembering is not so acute but during the lonely times it just gets so hard remembering her.

Its coming up to the Christmas period and Pat would have been hard at work with all her little arrangements for the festive season.

I am not a person that likes all the celebrations but she loved getting everything ready and buying presents.

Theese are the things going through my mind now as the time draws near to go on holiday.

Luckily my daughters will be with me most of the time so that will help.

Will post again


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Ron...ah those first set of holidays are certainly hard to anticipate...

You do whatever it is that feels right going into the holidays. Some people can't bare to do the same things, some people force themselves to do the same things. You do whatever it is that feels right and whatever it is you choose or feel, know it is OK and take it easy on yourself.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Ronnie and Susan,

My heart breaks for both of you as we come into the holday seasons, and know the pain you both are feeling as you try to find the traditions that are okay for you.

I remember after my Mom died, which was in October. My brothers (3) over ruled me on the traditions. I wanted to keep them the same, and their wives wanted to change everything. And everything changed, which was horribly painful for me.

It's now been 14 years since she passed, and I still feel sad this time of year. Christmas has not felt the same since she passed. I have to accept that it will never be the same. Even this long after, I still can't write about it without tears.

My prayers are with you as you begin to face this time. It will be difficult. I'm not going to say it won't. So I can only offer prayers that you find peace knowing that they are in a better place, and it is we who struggle without them. They are fine. And we will see them again, that I believe with all my heart.

Judy in MI

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  • 3 weeks later...

I have to say if I hear one more gushy Christmas song or Merry Christmas I just may lose it. I understand people don't know what I'm going through but can people not understand that the holidays are not happy and wonderful for everyone. I'm wondering if it wasn't better years ago when there was a defined time of grieving, when you wore black and didn't participate in things. At least then you felt like you had a pass from it all. Waiting in line at the DMV to change over car titles last week and the lady working kept wishing everyone Happy Holidays in this amazingly loud and perky voice. Of course I ended up at her window and with dread explained what I needed to do and why. She was helpful AND had enough sense to not tell me she wished me Happy Holidays, she just told me to "take care". Such a small thing but I appreciated it. Maybe we need a badge to wear....

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When Johnny passed 8 years ago on December 2nd I became like a zombie. I passed the holidays in a fog of pain and loss. It is always hard that first few years but to tell the truth the pain will always come with the holiday memories.

I was all alone and in a place I had only lived for 5 months. Despite my pain I chose to do something I think my Johnny would have been proud of. His son had a new baby and they were moving. Christmas was something they had no time or energy for but there were the children. So I cooked the dinner I had planned for our first Christmas together and took it to his son's house so they could have a Christmas, it was not only my gift to them but to my Johnny. It didn't help my pain but looking back now I am so proud I did that.

Ronnie maybe you can find something to do in memory of Pat and make it your gift to her. Just an idea but something to think about.

Again to all who are in pain I hope the holidays pass gently and please remember those people who are lauging and singing are making memories that maybe someday they will need to treasure and get them through this time of year.

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What a wonderful idea to do the dinner! You should be proud and I'm sure your Johnny is too.

It isn't that I want others to be unhappy, yes they should make their memories. I just wish they understood when I don't want to participate. For instance, at work today is our holiday party...different departments do foods throughout the day and everyone travels around the campus eating, socializing, and enjoying themselves. I've chosen not to participate. One of my co-workers in the dept keeps saying "oh you should go, it will do you good." Well I don't want to go! They should all go and have fun but understand that right now I can't.

Don't get me wrong. I'm celebrating this year, I have a daughter who turns 8 years old next Tuesday. There will be a birthday party and there will be Christmas with our family. We will laugh and smile but cry when we need to.

Thanks for listening.

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I too can so relate. My Mom passed in late October, and that first Christmas without here there was absolutely horrible. I like you didn't want to participate, and tried not to. I felt like the whole world was laughing and having fun and I couldn't find anything to laugh about. It's such a tough thing to go through.

Same with my little sister. She died December 1, and it was one of the saddest Christmas our family had to go through. It was horrible to think of a young life, gone so young, and us left with so much grief.

May the holidays pass gently for all of us that mourn ones that are gone.

Judy in MI

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