Guest KerryToo Posted May 15, 2003 Share Posted May 15, 2003 This is the 3rd time in only 4 short years that someone I love is dealing with advanced NSCLC. When will this disease leave us alone???? We lost my Dad to NSCLC Stage IV after 2 years of a heroic fight; My Mom was diagnosed 6 months later with NSCLC Stage IIIB – Currently IN REMISSION for the last 6 months! (Praise God!); and now we’ve just learned that my Mother-In-Law has Adenocarcinoma Stage IV. Enough!!! Sorry – but I get so angry at this disease! She has mets to the stomach and they are thinking that maybe it is the primary, and lung cancer is the secondary – but we don’t know for sure until next week. She complains of a “pain in her head” and “sensitivity to smell – makes her nauseous” feeling. I’m afraid that she has mets to the brain, too. I saw her PET scan today and it appears that the liver and other lung, as well as mediastinal lymph nodes are also involved. From all my research, I know that this is very, very serious. Anyone out there that can offer any comfort? Any hope? Geez – her oncologist has pretty much given up already and she is not fully diagnosed. Sorry – just venting, and feeling pretty hopeless myself. Thanks for listening (reading). KerryToo Lost Father to NSCLC IV Mom diagnosed with NSCLC IIIB – in REMISSION!!!! Mom-In-Law – Adenocarcinoma IV Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sara k Posted May 16, 2003 Share Posted May 16, 2003 Don't you feel like you are a part of this club that you wish you didn't know about. My husband has leukemia and nsclc stage 3b ( he' s 35 and I am 32) and our 3 month old daughter was born with a serious heart defect. She has had one heart surgery and is scheduled to have another in june or july. I am not mentioning any of this because I want pity or anyone to feel sorry for my family. I am just struggling with the idea that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. I am a spiritual person and I believe in a higher power. It seems that so many on this board deal with so much and then their are so many people who have just an ordinary life. sometimes this challenges my faith. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted May 16, 2003 Share Posted May 16, 2003 Kerrytoo, I am so sorry you have to endure so much. Know that there is much caring and support here. Vent anytime you want. You have a right to be angry -- just work it out so it doesn't do physical damage to your body. As for God not giving us more than we can handle, I personally think that is a mistaken interpretation of the scripture. I think the central idea is that God will be there and give us His steength no matter what we face. He does understand our pain, depression, etc. and He wants us to reach a better place in our lives. In our weakness is His strength. My two cents. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna G Posted May 16, 2003 Share Posted May 16, 2003 Sara , your little baby girl is beautiful. She was so well behaved through our meeting. We all loved her. You say her next surgery is either June or July? We will be praying that is goes very smoothly for her. Donna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted May 16, 2003 Share Posted May 16, 2003 Amen Don! I too, believe that God DOES give us more than we can handle...on our own. I'm so sorry to hear about your family Kerrytoo - and your's struggles Sara K. Sometimes it just seems that people get more than their share! So don't feel bad if you think you can't handle your load...sometimes we just have to turn to "our higher power". Hugs, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted May 16, 2003 Share Posted May 16, 2003 I will certainly agree that you have had more than your fair share of cancer problems. And it doesn't seem a bit fair. I sure don't know for sure about our wonderful Lord giving us more than we can handle, etc. But, I think - just an opinion - that it is a test of some sort. Maybe the test is not for the cancer patient but maybe for the caregiver. Or someone else who is on the sidelines But what do I know? Hang tough Good Luck and God Bless Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KerryToo Posted May 16, 2003 Share Posted May 16, 2003 Thanks to everyone who posted. Today I re-read my post above and think that it was a bit selfish. At least I am blessed to be in the care givers situation, instead of the one that has cancer, aren’t I? I just don’t have the “ummphhff” to do this again so soon! It takes a lot out of you to be a care giver and I’m just about out of emotional strength. Don – you are right that God will carry me through – just like the other times. And I should count my blessings that my wonderful Mom is in remission. Yesterday just felt so over whelming – but today is a new day – and a new chance for me to pull up those boot straps and get to work supporting and loving my Mother-In-Law. Thanks again, KerryToo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted May 16, 2003 Share Posted May 16, 2003 KerryToo, you're are not selfish to vent your true feelings. You are very caring indeed. Blessings. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gail Posted May 16, 2003 Share Posted May 16, 2003 You are absolutely not selfish!!!! You've known pain that most people never experience. And it does suck. After my third cancer diagnosis, I sat down with my brother in law and a Bible. I too, wondered if God had it in for me. I was assured not, that stuff happens. But he is there to carry us when needed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carleen Posted May 19, 2003 Share Posted May 19, 2003 Hi KerryToo, I am so sorry Cancer has been in your life so much. Never feel sorry for coming here and venting, for feeling guilty, selfish or overwhelmed. We all need to vent at times or else we'd burst at the seams. These feelings are normal in times like this. I think overwhelmed is my new norm. Instead of gaining control over this situation, I've adjusted to feeling overwhelmed all the time, and have accepted it. I also have times where I feel so guilty over my feelings. I often feel like I am selfish. I cry out that it isn't fair, that I can't possibly live without my husband, how will I go on, poor me. Then it feel rotten for just feeling bad about myself, and my feelings. But it is all part of this rollercoaster of pain. It's normal, and it's ok to have selfish thoughts, we just have to try and move on from them and concentrate on what is right now, what is important for the cancer survivor. I've heard from so many people that a cancer diagnosis is sometimes harder on the caregiver than the patient. I don't know about that. I would think if I was the patient, I'd be experiencing unknown depths of fear and apprehension. But what I do know is that I do not believe in the saying "God never gives us more than we can carry". Often since this has started, I've felt like I was going to be crushed under the weight of this load. I sometimes feel that I am not strong enough to survive this. I feel weak and helpless all the time. My husband who knows me inside and out has noticed at times what I am feeling. Once, about three weeks after his diagnosis, he asked me to make him a promise. He's never asked me for anything, so of course I agreed without hearing the request first. He said he wanted me to promise that if anything happened to him, that I would go on, and experience and live each day to the fullest for him. It made me cry, because it was as if he knew what my heart was thinking. At that time, I was seriously thinking that I did not want to live one single day without him. I was planning, that if anything happened to him I would follow him to heaven. (How selfish is that? No consideration for any of the loved ones in my life) But, he has my promise, and I will honor it. Things have been better lately, and we've been able to get on with living, and yesterday he turned to me and said "I'm going to beat this thing right?" I said of course. He responded that he just thought I needed to say it, and hear myself saying it. Dealing with LC, whether a survivor or caregiver is so hard. We experience extremes of emotions that were previously beyond imagination. But it is all ok, and this is were we can come and open up be accepted, understood and supported. This is where I come when I feel I can't go on another moment, and somehow after reading from my LCSC friends, I find the strength to do what I never thought I could. You will be in my prayers, Carleen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KerryToo Posted May 19, 2003 Share Posted May 19, 2003 What a great post about how hard this is to deal with. You and your Prince Charming are in my prayers too! XO Kerry Too Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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