Where is he?!

[Kris]

I've read a lot of posts that tell of some of you feeling your loved one is close by and that you get signs from them AND that you know they are with you. I don't feel my Dad near me. I can't even feel him when I go to my parent's house. I miss everything about him. What I wouldn't give for one more trip to a flea market or one more time of watching Wheel of Fortune with him. I think that maybe if I could feel his presence, then I could get rid of some of this anger that I feel about him bing taken away from us. I know I should try to find peace that he is in a better place (and I do know he is) and not in pain or discomfort any more but that sure doesn't help with my pain. I'm hoping someone here can give some insight......Why can't I feel him?

Kris

[Ann]

Kris...Maybe you've been looking too hard for a sign that your Dad is near. You have to listen with your heart and not your ears. You have to see through your soul and not your eyes. You have to just let things happen and not question them when they do. Faith is all about believing in things not seen. We know God is with us, yet we cannot see his face. In time, you will know that your Dad is near to love and protect you. My experiences of feeling Dennis's presence have occured at very unplanned and unexpected times. Maybe your Dad is just waiting until he feels your really need his help. I have experienced various levels of Dennis's presence from strange little feelings on my shoulder all the way to having the piano play when no one was in the room. And yes, Kris...I had a witness to the piano episode. Your Dad is now a part of you. He lives in your heart and in your memories. I know that your Dad loves you very much and will always be there with you! Just believe...and listen to your heart!!!!

[shirleyb]

Kris,

Your dad is here. Sometimes it takes finding that place within yourself to be calm for him to come through. I think said is best though.

I am sorry you are in such pain.

You are in my prayers.

Shirleyb

[KC]

Kris,

I too used to watch Wheel of Fortune with my Dad every night, he lived with me, and what I wouldn't give to be able to do it one more time. But I know that one more time wouldn't be enough. I had a saying a long time ago, it just came to me one day. It was "I know that in the end, even after all of the days we had together, somehow it will always feel like there were still never enough." It is never enough and in my father's case, he was taken much too young. That said. I want you to know that although I have written that I believe that I have received signs from my father, I am still not convinced. I have been doing alot of research and listening to others stories of signs and connections with loved ones that have passed. Like Ann, I too, felt my someone touch my left shoulder one night while I was sitting on the computer crying over him. I distinctly felt a tap on the shoulder. At the time, I thought it was him, but my logical mind says it must be something else. Just like all the other signs, the instant it happens, I think it's a sign and then the logical mind takes over and says no. So I spend alot of time trying to find out if the signs are real or not. And...from what I have read of others who experience signs, if you're first reaction is that it is a sign and your first thought is that it is your loved one, it probably is. As far as you wanting to feel your father close to you, I know how you feel. I miss my father more than anything in this world and when that feeling comes over me, it is paralyzing. I can't move. But I can say that I feel him close to me in a way that I feel like he can't really be gone. It's almost denial, but I think it is more that the love we shared just cannot die and that is what makes him feel close. I know that his face is always right in front of my eyes, 24 hours a day. If I close my eyes, there he is. I think about him all day, every day. How could he not feel close? That is how I feel him with me. I guess I'm still looking and asking for the proof that he is. I hope some of this has made some sense. I don't make a lot of sense sometimes when I'm trying to articulate my feelings. I am so sorry for your loss and pain. I do understand how difficult it is. Take care.

Karen

[stand4hope]

Kris, The reason it doesn't make you feel a whole lot better that your dad is in a better place is because he isn't the one that's hurting now - you are! Sure, he is in a better place, and while that gives you comfort to know that his pain and suffering are over, it doesn't stop you missing him and aching throughout ever part of your whole body, psyche, mind, soul, spirit - EVERYTHING. I lost my mom 5 years ago to lung cancer, and my in-laws who were like my second parents to lung diseases and it really, really does get better. I know everybody always says it just takes time, and you probably get tired of hearing that, but unfortunately, that is probably the only thing that will heal your broken heart - time (and, of course, my belief is having faith in God helps the healing process also). Also, after this amount of time, if you are still feeling great anger and can find no peace no matter where you look, maybe counseling with someone trained in grief counseling might help. Maybe your pastor? or maybe there's a good grief counselor someone could suggest or, perhaps a clinic. Maybe someone else on here knows of a great counselor in Pennsylvania that really helped them and can pass the name to you in a PM.

God bless you, Kris,

Peggy

[glo]

I also do not feel my husband with me or around me. I'd like to, but I don't and like some others here, I have to keep looking at his picture because I seldom can keep his face in my mind. Perhaps some would say we're blocking -- both pain and signs -- and maybe they are right. But if so, I wish I could block the pain as well as I do the signs.

He is ever present in my thoughts and I think of what he'd want me to do, but for the most part, life is just an unreal world that I move through, just getting by one day at a time. I can function and even have some happy moments only because most of time I'm blocking the reality of his being gone. When I let it through, it's too devastating.

I think in time, the reality will come through the blocking more often and hopefully each time the pain will be a little less, because the body and mind does become acclimated and adjusted to almost anything -- just seems to take one heck of a long time.

I know we will all get through this -- we just don't all walk at the same speed -- but I do believe it's easier knowing we have friends on this same path -- those ahead to reach out a hand and pull us along -- and those behind who we wait by the side of the road until they catch up so that we may help with a hug or a shoulder to lean on.

Kris, Katie and I lost our loved ones about the same time and we seem to be in about the same spot on this path -- just take a few quick steps to catch up and we can all walk arm in arm.

Oh, yeah -- I don't know how the contestants on Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune can ever win anything now, without Chuck literally shouting out the answers to them! I used to come running to see if he was calling me, and then we'd both laugh when I'd realize he was just talking back to the TV again.

Hang in there, Kris. It's really rough, but you're doing ok.

Gloria

[jamie]

I know how you feel. I never feel anything either. But in my heart, I know that signs from people are rare, and maybe its not that were not getting any, maybe were just not looking hard enough. Or maybe, our loved ones feel that we dont need any. Just know he is there, all around you, and keep hoping for that sign!