Kris Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 I think I had kind of blocked it out of my mind. I told myself it was another couple of weeks off. Then a lady here at work starting talking to me about Father's Day. After she walked away, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I don't know how to get through that day. How am I to spend any time with my FIL that day when it's going to hurt? I hurt just as bad today as I did when I first lost my Dad. Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 Kris, You will spend time with your father-in-law because he deserves to be honored for his part in your husband's life. You WILL get through it somehow...and then you will go home and cry. Try to do something to honor your dad, as well. Plant a tree, maybe...do something with your kids (?) that he used to do with you...and if you have no kids, do that thing with your mother since she will be a little down that day, as well. Hang in there. It gets different. Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 This will be the first father's day without Becky, too. And so I am taking Katie to see Becky's dad in Houston. It will be hard for me, but I think it will be way harder for him. I did the same thing on mother's day, going to spend the time with Becky's mom. I think the thing I try to do when I hurt is to try to figure out who hurts more than I do, and be some support for them. And in doing so, I am some support for me, too. But Sunday may be your day when you hurt the most, and that is okay, too. Our anniversary will be that day for me. Be with your father in law to honor fathers, and in so doing your own father. My two cents, anyway. Curtis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 Kris, Well I have been thinking about this day for a while. I have decided I am not going to see my father in law as selfish as that may seem I just dont want to put myself through it..Fathers day was always a special day for me, it was the day that was devoted to my dad.. We didnt do anything different or out of the ordinary. It was just a day to let him know how much I loved him.... I loved picking out a Fathers day card for him, as much as I adored him we never said "I love you" but that was ok because all I had to do was look at him and his eyes told me over and over. I would get him a really mushy card and he would look at me and I know what he wanted to say.. I agree with Curtis, that if you reach out to someone in pain it helps us to heal as well, however Sunday I just cant do it.. I already told my mom I wanted to spend the day alone, she knows how much I adored my dad, so I am hoping she understands, I just cant deal with comforting her that day, after all he was MY DAD. I have spent all the other special days comforting her, now I want this day for me..I hate the way this is sounding, I am sorry but again he was my dad. A special man who would protect me until his last breath.. So here is what I am going to do, you know how we have to live by a new normal, I am going to honor another wonderful father, my husband, I am going to go to Hallmark and try and pick out a beautiful card for him..We are going to a concert in the evening and I know there wont be any emotional songs being played (Prince concert) its so hard to listen to music these days but thats another story.. Here we are again Kris, another one of those dreaded first..I know my father in law will be ok with me not going to see him, he's a good guy, nothing at all like my dad though, I think my husband was closer to my dad than his. I think you should go with your instincts, why should your heart have to break more than it really needs to, my opinion is if they care and love you they will understand.. After all its Fathers day and as hard as this is our very precious dads are not here..My father in law is not my father at least not this year.. I'm sorry its how I feel... Let me know how it goes and what you decide.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamie Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 Kris, Its going to be hard-no doubt. There will be many days along the way that will be hard. Remember, just because you cant see him, dosent mean hes not there. Do you think your dad would be lolling around in heaven watching TV on fathers day? NO WAY!! He's gonna be there with you! So dont think your without him on Fathers Day... hes gonna be right there! Dont feel bad about not going to see your FIL, you know whats best for you... Jamie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
betplace Posted June 18, 2004 Share Posted June 18, 2004 (((Katie)))) There is nothing that says you can't buy a card for your Dad and place it on his grave when you go to visit him. He loves you and knows what is in your heart. Spend the day the way you need to, we love you too! Blessings Betty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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