Just minutes from Paradise to Inferno

[SJAS]

Lillian,

Your story gave me chills. I'm so thankful that you are fine and your home was saved. We do pay a price for living in beautiful, but sometimes tinder dry northern Calif. Take care and get some rest after that horrifying experience.

[Fall54]

Lillian,

Thank the Lord for your safety and your home and prayers for the ones that were not as lucky.

God Bless You,

Jane

[Guest bean_si (Not Active)]

Lillian

OMG - my worst nightmare. Geez. Good thing you got up to check the dishwasher.

I'm thankful you escaped and amazed at all you've been through these past few months.

Cat

[Cindy RN]

So glad all is well. You have had enough to deal with .

Cindy

[teresag]

Lillian, I just saw this. Glad the ordeal ended without too much trauma to you and your property. My sister lives in S. Cal. and the first time I really heard her voice sound fearful was when the fire was only one mountain over from her home. Seeing the loss of her beautiful green valley was very sad for her, too. Fire is an awesome and frightening thing. Thank God you are okay.

[paddy]

Good to know you are OK Lillian. We have had some terrible fires in our "neck of the woods" too. At the beginning of the month there were two fires, on was stopped a couple of miles from us and the other changed course with the winds Thank Goodness! Ditto Thank Goodness for our fireman!

Paddy

[lilyjohn]

I'm sorry it has taken me so long to get back here. I do want to think all of you for your kind responses. Things in my life have really be hectic especially sense the fire.

I am back at work this week in my training job. I was unable to go last week because of the fire. I had left home with no clothes and it took a few days to get a voucher from the Red Cross and some new clothes. Was I ever ready to get out of those clothes and have something to sleep in besides shorts.

The fire has caused me quite a few problems even tho I feel blessed that I lost nothing tangable in the fire. I did loose one thing that I am having trouble regaining and that is my peace here. Everytime the sun goes behind a cloud I jump up and look for smoke. I hear the helicopters flying over head and check to make sure they are not carrying water baskets. I know there is very little danger in the immediate area where I live because all of the fuel needed for a major fire has already been burned. It is just the memory of those flames and the fear is something very hard to get by. I have learned that I am not alone. Many of my neighbors are having the same problems encluding sleeping very little.

The people that I work for are wonderful. When my boss heard about the fire she called and told me not to worry about going back until I was ready. She also offered to help in any way that she can. She called me a second time to check on me again the day she had to leave to go to Oregon because her dad had died. I was so touched that she thought of me at a time like that. All of that from someone I barely knew.

I had also gotten all of my payroll information taken care of for the caregiving job I was hired for. That too was put on hold. That lady called me too when she heard and offered the some thing. It cost me missing those two jobs. I missed a weeks pay (as little as it is) on the first and missed a chance to get my first client on the second job. This is a new chapter of Helping Hands here and the clients are coming in slowly. Because I was unable to take a client last week they had to go to someone else. I'm hoping to get someone any day now. Needless to say I can sure use the money.

When I first filed for my unemployment I was told that the wages from the training job would not be counted against me. Today I learned that was a mistake so I will not have much income until my other job kicks in. Then to top it all off I had a problem caused by my bank.

My bank statement showed a check for $125 with no check number. I knew that I had not written a check for that amount and called the bank. My account was seriously out of balance. I had written a check for $175 and it did not show up so I had it listed as outstanding. Subtracting another $125 would put me seriously overdrawn. The back emailed me a photo copy of the check. Well it turns out that they paid the check for $175 at only $125. I still can't see how they did that because it is so plain on the check. I just haven't had time to call them back because of my job and the interview with the unemployment agency. Well because they paid only part of what the check was written for my credit card company sent me a letter saying that part of my payment is late and tacked on a $40 late charge. They also raised my interest rate to 26%. I went round and round with them trying to get them to lower my rates but they refuse but they did remove the late fee. I had been late with a payment only once before and that was when I moved and my statement got lost in the mail. I was so upset that I told them that I should have gone to a real loan shark instead of one that poses as a ligitimate bank. Still it did me no good. I have that high interest rate until I can have a steady job and buy it out with one of the low interest cards that I am constantly being asked to take.

So I think that I have all of the business out of the way now and hope that I will have more time to relax and come back to the board. I must say it has been one hell of a two weeks. I did get one good thing out of all of it tho. On my way home from replacing my groceries that spoiled I could still see the smoke on the mountain a few miles away where the contained fire was. I had not had any of the signs I look for from Johnny in quite some time. I was really nervous seeing that smoke and then after months of not hearing it I believe came on the car radio. I felt that somehow Johnny was once again telling me that i am not alone and never will be.

I have found out that i have the best neighbors. Everyone here is looking out for each other and pulling together. I returned home later than they did because my niece was still unable to get to her house. When I finally got home all of my neighbors came running. They were worried because they didn't know where I had been. I never expected that nor did I expect that the man next door would water my flowers and he would offer to take all of my spoiled food to the dumster for me. I know now that I finally have a real home. I just hope that I can get past this fear that the fire has left me with.

I spent so much time looking at the evergreens and finding comfort from them because Johnny had loved them so much. Now they are almost all gone. I know they will grow back but I fear that I will never see them the same again. I'm afraid that when I look at them instead of seeing beautiful trees I will see fuel for a fire. I pray that in time that will pass. It feels so good to finally feel like I belong somewhere. I don't want to lose that again.

Once again thank all of you for your responses. Dean I remember only too well the Cedar fire. I think that is why I knew that I had to get out fast. Last year when the Cedar fire was burning there was another big fire in Valley Center called the Paradise fire. That one came within a half mile of my home. That time I had time to leave work and get Misty and some of my things. This time the fire was so close and moving so fast all we had time to do was run. As I settle down more I will come here more. For now I want everyone to know that I do try to read the new messages every night. I just haven't had time to respond to many. As always you are all in my thoughts and prayers.

I do want to ask all of you for your prayers for our little town. Our population is only around 300 and 22 homes burned. That is a very big loss for a comunity this size. One of my friends is 84 and always very active. She was in town when the fire started and she lost everything. People have gone together and got her a camper trailer to live in for now and gotten her all of the necessities but nothing can replace 84 years of personal momentos. I have watched her visibly age in less than 2 weeks. We can all use all of the prayers that we can get but she is someone who needs a special prayer. Lillian

[betplace]

Lily,

I can so relate. I had a tree fall on my trailer and destroy the middle section of it. I can answer your question, yes you will feel safe again. BUT.... it will take some time, don't beat yourself up over it. Accept that what you went through was a horrendous terrifying experience and is a very real danger for the area you live in. So its OK to be nervous and scared and worried especcially from such a close perspective. As you say all your neioghbors are also going through the same thing. The good thing about it is that since you are all in the same boat, the acts of kindness that you can perform for each other both sooth your spirits nad help you grow past the fears.

It's now been five years and when I go away for a weekend I don't worry that my home won't be there, (Of course I have other worse worries now but oh well!) that fear has subsided. Just hang in there sweetie, prayers going out for your community and most especially for you.

Blessings

Betty