Ann

Oh yes...for years I hated my name. In the south, it's common for women (and sometimes men) use their first and middle names as one "double" name. So, for most of my life I was Ann Dean. I got the Ann from my aunt, who was Martha Ann and Dean was my mom's middle name. As soon as I was married, I became just plain ole Ann !!!

Thank God I'm a Southern woman....Ann Southern women appreciate their natural assets:Clean skin.A winning smile.That unforgettable Southern drawl. Southern women know their manners:"Yes, ma'am.""Yes, sir.""Why, no, Billy! "Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions :"Y'all come back!""Well, bless your heart.""Drop by when you can.""How's your Momma? "Southern women know their summer weather report:HumidityHumidityHumidity Southern women know their vacation spots:The beach,The rivuh,The crick Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:Colorful hi-heel sandalsStrapless sun dresses Iced sweet tea with mint Southern women know everybody's first name:Honey,Darlin', Shugah Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:Fried Green Tomatoes,Driving Miss Daisy,Steel Magnolias,Gone With The Wind, Southern women know their religion:Baptist,Methodist,Football Southern women know their country breakfasts:Red-eye gravy,GritsEggs,Country ham Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:Chawl'stnS'vanahFoat Wuth, N'awlins,Addlanna Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:Men in uniform,Men in tuxedos,Rhett Butler Southern girls know their prime real estate:The Mall,The Country Club,The Beauty Salon Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:Having bad hair or nails,Having bad manners, Cooking bad food More Suthen-ism's: Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them._____ Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens,peas,beans, etc., make up "a mess."_____ Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of"yonder."_____ Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, . as in: "Going totown, be back directly."_____ Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for thewhite, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table._____ All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well._____ Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowlofcold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!_____ Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mileor 20._____ Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash._____ No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn._____ A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb._____ Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're"in line," . we talk to everybody!_____ Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage._____ In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural._____ Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them._____ Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food._____ When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know youare in the presence of a genuine Southerner!_____ Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened."Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk._____ And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart" ...and go your own way._____ To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness:Taketwo tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning.Bless your heart!_____ And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!_____ And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a longtime, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could." Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah ! Now...... Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had been! If you're a Northern transplant, Bless your little heart, fake it. We know you got here as fast as you could!__._,_.___ _________________________________________________________________

When you have an "I Hate My Job" day, try this. On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy, go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken. Now the fun part begins. Take out the literature and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement, "Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested." Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I do not work in Thermometer quality control at Johnson & Johnson." Have a nice day and remember, there is always someone else with a job that is more of a pain in the butt than yours.

Have you ever wanted to change your name? What would you change it to...if you did?

It has long been contended that there are male jokes and there are female jokes, and there are unisex jokes. Here is a joke I consider a true female joke. I offer it to you in the hopes that women will love it and men will pass it along to a woman who will love it. A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As men will.) Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00......on one condition." Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said.... "Clean my house."

We are, each of us, angels with one wing...and we can only fly by embracing one another.

Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day........ ///////////////////////////////////////////////////// My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat When I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat. Sorry! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Heard your wife left you, How upset you must be. But don't fret about it... She moved in with me. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder... "What the hell was I thinking?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your husband. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How could two people as beautiful as you Have such an ugly baby? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you .. I've changed my mind. -------------------------------------- -------------- I must admit, you brought Religion into my life. I never believed in Hell until I met you. ///////////////////////////////////////////////////// As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me. ############################################### Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go... Would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again. ***************************************************** Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia

Hey Kasey !!! That's Tanner Dog cooking dinner...lol! could be his twin, anyway. Say woof-woof to Teddi for us!

This was posted on the Taste of Home message board. I sent it to my niece in college. We had a good laugh out of it! You're on your own to try it! LOL!!! Patty Starving Students' Dip 20 sm. pkg. mild sauce from Taco Bell 20 sm. pkg. tartar sauce from Long John Silver's 10 sm. pkg. soy sauce from the nearest Chinese restaurant 10 sm. pkg. honey from KFC Misc. samples from mealtimes at the school cafeteria Mix all ingredients well to suit taste. Serve with tortilla chips picked up from a Mexican restaurant or any other restaurant that has chips on their buffet or offer them at the table. Clearly, the inexpensive nature of this appetizer will make it a favorite with destitute students for years to come.

Talking Dog A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there. "You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the Lab replies. "So, what's your story?" The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running." "But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals." "I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired." The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. "Ten dollars," the guy says. "Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?" "Because he's a liar. He never did any of that.

I know we all need a good pick-me-up and thought this might do the trick today.

How old is Grandpa??? Stay with this -- the answer is at the end. It will blow you away. One evening a grandson was talking to his grandfather about current events. The grandson asked his grandfather what he thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general. The Grandfather replied, "Well, let me think a minute, I was born before: ' television ' penicillin ' polio shots ' frozen foods ' Xerox ' contact lenses ' Frisbees and ' the pill There were no: ' credit cards ' laser beams or ' ball-point pens Man had not invented: ' pantyhose ' air conditioners ' dishwashers ' clothes dryers ' and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and ' man hadn't yet walked on the moon Your Grandmother and I got married first, . . . and then lived together. Every family had a father and a mother. Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, "Sir". And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, "Sir." We were before gay-rights, computer- dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy. Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense. We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions. Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege. We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent. Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins. Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening breeze started. Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends-not purchasing condominiums. We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings. We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios. And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey. If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan ' on it, it was junk. The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam. Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of. We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents. Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel. And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards. You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, . . . but who could afford one? Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon. In my day: ' "grass" was mowed, ' "coke" was a cold drink, ' "pot" was something your mother cooked in and ' "rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby. ' "Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office, ' " chip" meant a piece of wood, ' "hardware" was found in a hardware store and ' "software" wasn't even a word. And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby. No wonder people call us "old and confused" and say there is a generation gap... and how old do you think I am? I bet you have this old man in mind...you are in for a shock! Read on to see -- pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at the same time. This man would be only 59 years old --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why God Made Pets..... They help out around the house. They protect our children. They look out for the smaller ones. They show us how to relax. They "converse" with each other. They help you when you're down. They are great at decorating for the holidays. They have great expectations. They are patriotic. They are happy to test the water. They love their teddies. They know who's boss. AND...They know when we need a good laugh. Laughing is done by moving the corners of the mouth upwards. Let them show you how....

90% here.

Expressions For a Woman's High Stress Days You! Off my planet!! Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we? Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. And your crybaby whiny-a@@ed opinion would be...? I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years. Allow me to introduce my selves. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. Do they ever shut up on your planet? I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one. How many times do I have to flush before you go away? I just want revenge. Is that so wrong? You say I'm a b!tch like it's a bad thing. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2? Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? Chaos, panic & disorder - my work here is done. Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the Earth. Earth is full. Go home. Is it time for your medication or mine? Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego? How do I set a laser printer to stun? I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you. So many men, so few who can afford me. God made us sisters; Prozac made us friends. If they don't have chocolate in heaven, I ain't going. At my age, I've seen it all, done it all, heard it all... I just can't remember it all. My Mother is a travel agent for guilt trips. Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog. Coffee, chocolate, men . . . Some things are just better rich. Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen. Dinner Is ready when the smoke alarm goes off. It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything. I'm out of estrogen-and I have a gun. Guys have feelings too. But like...who cares? Next mood swing: 6 minutes. I hate everybody...and you're next. And your point is...? I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now. Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it. Of course I don't look busy...I did it right the first time. Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win. You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP. All stressed out and no one to choke. I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people. How can I miss you if you won't go away? Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not. If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy. Don't upset me! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies

Calmness in our lives I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started and never finished." So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how freaking good I feel.

((((((((((((((((Connie))))))))))))))

So very sorry for the loss of your mom. Please let us know if we can help.

Ginny, thanks so much for posting this for all of us. Frank was such a dear friend to so many.

Saying prayers for Dave.

It really helped Dennis, after about about a week of taking it.

It's so hard for me to post in this forum, since Frank was the one that asked me to jump in here as a moderator with him, after the GTKY questions were a problem in the general forum. But...in honor of Frank, I think we should continue on. So...the GTKY question for today is..... Do you always stop to pick up a coin (even a penny) when you see one lying on the ground?

Jen, today is one of those days that we really are in need of some good news here at the board. Thanks for sharing your good news with us.

Becky, thank you so very much for starting this thread, as a tribute to our dear friend, Frank. I know that Frank is smiling down on all of us as we try to put our feelings for him into words to share among us. Frank was such a special and unique member of this board. His sense humor and caring nature was always there to pick us up just when we needed it most. He was always supportive of others and seemed to always give others a pat on the shoulder to offer encouragement. He was able to both give a joke and be on the receiving end of a joke. He was strong and a true warrior when it came to fighting this terrible disease. I can say, with certainty, that Frank was a true ray of sunshine for each of us and I will never forget him.

Yesterday, I just couldn't manage to even post about the loss of such a great friend to us all. After drinking a beer by candlelight last night and crying my eyes out, I can talk about this today. Frank was such a wonderful friend to all of us. He seemed to have the ability to just "know" when we needed a special little PM to cheer us up and make the hurt seem a little less painful. When I have been at my very lowest times and missing Dennis the most, Frank would always PM me and tell me about a military buddy that he served with that looked so much like Dennis. He would tell me that the resemblence was so great, he felt as if he knew my Dennis. This always seemed to make me feel better. Frank had a wonderful sense of humor and could always make us laugh, even at the worst of times. I know that I will never log on to this board again without thinking of Frank. I pray that God appoints Frank as our official "Angel of Humor and Happiness" to watch over all of us. My heart breaks for Connie and all of Frank's family. I will never see a chocolate donut without thinking of our dear friend Frank.