Ann

"J" Jackasses (both co-worker and customers)

The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF) These mostly Southern boys will be dropped off into Afghanistan and will be given only the following facts about terrorists... 1. The season opened today. 2. There is no limit. 3. They taste just like chicken. 4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music, or Jesus. 5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt. The Pentagon expects the problems to be over by Friday. Applications are available at your local Wal-Mart sporting goods counter.

The Accident A married couple was in a terrible accident. The man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was competed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty! One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?" "My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek!"

Don't you just love all of these "guy" names for cologne? My son likes "Chrome" Diesel... Chrome..... Maybe we should think up some more "manly" names for colognes. Might be fun!!!

Judy....forgot to add that I love getting my morning "Air" first thing in the morning!!! You do a great job getting us all awake and moving. Keep up the great work!!!

I absolutely love Rapture from Victoria's Secret. Several years ago, a co-worker of mine at Target always wore this perfume and she always smelled so good. I have been buying this for years now and still love it as much as I did the first time I smelled it. It can be a heavy fragrance, so I only wear a little bit at a time and still get compliments.

This might be fun. Let's start a list (in alphabetical order) that are associated with a bad day at work. I'll begin..... "A" - Angry Boss

Judy...I can sense the excitement in your post about meeting up with your car in two more days. I used to think driving around the country in a motor home would be lots of fun until I read all of your posts. Don't get me wrong, the idea still sounds great but I have been thinking about how hubby and I can get when traveling in a car for short distances and I think I would be getting out and walking after a long ride in a motor home. I guess I'm too much of a "back seat driver" to make a trip like this. There are times I fully intend to keep my mouth shut and then, before I even realize it, a "watch out" or a "slow down" or even a "ooooooh" will slip out. Today is another hot day on Florida's Space Coast. Of course, it's humid and there's rain in the forecast but, it's summer in Florida and we all know what to expect. Speaking of Florida, I got a good laugh from a news article in this morning's paper. Florida Senator Bill Nelson, who I respect and will always vote for, has introduced a bill to make it illegal to import certain pythons into the US. This bill comes just after a two year old was strangled by a pet python last week in Central Florida. The article goes on to say that the US Fish & Wildlife estimate that there are already 150-180,000 of these creatures living wild in the Everglades. Parson me Senator, but I think we should have thought of this a bit earlier. Hope life is peachy-keen in your little corner of this big, wonderful, snake infested world. Ann

OK....Here are the rules: You post a food. The person after you will say either: YUM or YUCK and post another food. OK? I'll start: ~Vegetable Soup~

Your Yearly Dementia Test It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test. Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer. OK, relax, clear your mind and begin. 1. What do you put in a toaster? Answer: 'bread.' If you said 'toast,' give up now and do something else. Try not to hurt yourself.. If you said, bread, go to Question 2. 2. Say ' silk' five times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink? Answer: Cows drink water. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World. However, if you said 'water', proceed to question 3. 3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from? Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said 'green bricks,' why are you still reading these??? If you said 'glass,' go on to Question 4. 4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany .) Anyway, during the flight, two engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of 'no man's land' between East Germany and West Germany . Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany , West Germany , or no man's land'? Answer: You don't bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop. If you said, 'You don't bury survivors', proceed to the next question. 5. Without using a calculator. You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales . In London , 17 people get on the bus. In Reading , six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon , two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff , 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea , three people get off and five people get on . In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver? Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!! Now pass this along to all your friends and pray they do better than you. PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!

What is your favorite cologne/perfume/body wash, etc? Guys- you have to get involved in this too. What is your favorite cologne or after shave?

http://parentswish.com/site01/big.html

A man calls home to his wife and says, Honey, I have been asked to fly to Canada with my boss and several of his friends for fishing. We'll be gone for a long weekend. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a 3-day weekend. And also would you get out my rod and tackle box from the attic ? We're leaving at 4:30 pm from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. 'Oh! And please pack my new navy blue silk pajamas.' The wife thinks this sounds a bit odd, but, being the good wife she does exactly what her husband asked. Following the long weekend he came home a little tired, but, otherwise, looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish? He says, 'Yes! Lots of Walleyes, some Bass, and a few Pike. He said but why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do? The wife replies, I did, they're in your tackle box.

Kitchen Wisdom ! MARTHA STEWART: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice cream cone to prevent ice cream drips. MAXINE: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway!

A guy walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a white wine. All the hillbillies sitting around the bar look up, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee from the north. The bartender says, "You ain't from around here, are ya?" The guy says, "No, I'm from Canada." The bartender says, "What do you do in Canada?" The guy says, "I'm a taxidermist." The bartender says, "A taxidermist? What in tarnation is a taxidermist? Do you drive a taxi?" "No, a taxidermist doesn't drive a taxi. I mount animals." The bartender grins and hollers, "It's okay boys. He's one of us."

Saying prayers that everything is fine!!!

This was posted on another board, so I wanted to pass along the info. heard on CBC Radio One this morning, Monday, July 5, that CBC Radio One is to run a series of information pieces on their news programs, especially News at Six (in the evening) on lung cancer during this week. They say that it causes more deaths than the more popular (and supported) breast, prostate and colon cancer combined. But, due quite likely largely to the fact that a substantial portion of it is the result of smoking, it is largely ignored ... and people who get it are more apologetic about it, whether they'd been smokers or not. Not only that ... it goes unrecognized, often, until it has progressed so far as to be difficult or impossible to treat successfully. They are, despite the stigma, finding better ways of both diagnosing and treating it ... though it has received much smaller support than that that's been given to the other types. Keep your mind open to new things, folks: it's a poor day that one doesn't learn something ... (of at least some value, one could hope!).

I had no idea that moving could be so big of a deal for a 2-1/2 year old. My little grandaughter is extremely sensitive and worries about everything and everyone. Although she was excited about her new house, she was also sad for her old house. She was worried that her old house would be "all alone and sad." We tried to explain that another little girl or boy would probably move into her old house and make the house very happy. When the move was finished, she loved her new house but was still a bit serious. I assume she was thinking about her old house. But....move is completed and babies are both happy today. We will be babysitting again on Saturday while Son and DIL have a garage sale at the old house.

Prayers for Martha.

I'll have to think about some of the older shows but the first Mom that pops to mind right now is Sally Field.....Nora Walker.....in Brothers and Sisters. I think she's a great mom because not only does she always worry, nurture and take care of her children but she openly talks to them and lets them know about happenings in her life. As a mom, it's very hard to open up with your children and let them know you're just a normal person with not-so-normal problems and issues in life.

Thinking of all of the family television shows you have ever watched, past and present, who would you say is the best Mom? Why do you think this Mom is best?

Yes, Judy......I'm so very proud of you!!! If you could see my face, you would see that I'm absolutely beaming!!! I hope everyone had a nice weekend. Our weekend was completely consumed with babysitting and helping my son and DIL get into their new home. I was exhausted when I woke up this morning and to think my work week is just beginning. Weather here is usual...hot (hotter than hot), humid (you should see my curls) and a 50% chance of more rain today. My grass is so beautiful...so lush and green. It's actually turned into a task of mowing two times a week to keep caught up. Thank goodness for riding lawnmowers. Our little town had to cancel the Saturday night fireworks display because of bad weather. A thunderstorm rolled in and the high winds blew over vendor tents. The fireworks display will be rescheduled for a later date. That's fine for me because we were so tied up with moving the kids that we would have missed them anyway. I'm having some really strong urges to do some home remodeling but don't have a lot of money to work with. I visited a friend last week that painted her laminate countertops to look like granite and they were beautiful. Anyone ever tried this ??? Hope life is peachy-keen in your little corner of the world. Ann

(((((((((((((((((((Kasey))))))))))))))))) I don't have any words that can possibly make you feel better right now, so I'm just sending a lot of hugs your way. After all these years, I still feel the anger and hear the laughing. Please know I'm here to listen. Ann

Like everyone else, I really needed air today. It seems like this day has really been dragging on and I just can't wait to run out of these office doors and head home. Today is my Friday for the week and I think it's just that "Friday frame of mind" kicking in a day early. Judy, I'm hoping three things happen for you this weekend and I'm listing them in the order I hope they happen.....feel better, eat hot dogs and see lots of fireworks. Heidi, I hope you get out of class early and kick your heels up high. Sandra...hope you're feeling better and that your energy is returning. Sorry you didn't feel up to enjoying the festivities with your family. I'm really looking forward to this weekend. Although it won't be all fun and games, it will make my heart happy. My oldest son and DIL have been renting a house rather than buying because they have been debating whether to stay in Florida or relocate to the Carolinas. Well, they decided to stay and closed on a lovely home on Monday. This weekend is moving time for them and I will have the grandbabies while Mom and Dad are busy with the move. Of course, any time I have with my little people is wonderful, regardless of what is going on. I'm just so blessed that the new house is only 10 minutes from me and this means I will see them more than ever. The move should be completed in time for fireworks but the mosquitoes are so bad here, I'm not sure if we can handle being outdoors. Hope everyone has a Happy 4th of July in their little corner of the world!!!

Do you know what the amount of State tax is in your State on each pack of cigarettes? Our tax increased today by $1.00 , making our total State tax $1.34 per pack. Since I'm a non-smoker, I had no idea what cigarettes even cost. Now, with state and federal taxes, the average price for a carton of cigarettes in Florida will be $45.00. Hopefully, this will discourage a lot of people from smoking.