Ann

Mary's Cruise Trip > > DEAR DIARY DAY ONE: > > All packed for the cruise ship - all my sexiest dresses and > > make-up. Really excited. > > > > DEAR DIARY DAY TWO: > > Entire day at sea, beautiful and saw whales and > > dolphins Met the Captain today - seems a very nice man. > > > > DEAR DIARY . DAY THREE: > > At the pool today. Also some shuffle boarding and > > hit golf balls off the deck. Captain invited me to join him at his > table for > > dinner. Felt honored and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive > and > > attentive. > > > > DEAR DIARY . DAY FOUR: > > Won $800.00 in the ship's casino. > > Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin. > > Had a luxurious meal complete with caviar and champagne. > > He asked me to stay the night but I declined. Told > > him I could not be unfaithful to my husband. > > > > DEAR DIARY . DAY FIVE: > > Pool again today, got sunburned, went inside to drink at > > piano bar for rest of day. Captain saw me, bought me several large > > drinks. Really is charming. > > Again asked me to visit his cabin for the night. Again I declined. > > He told me if I didn't let him have his way with me he > > would sink the ship. > > > > I was shocked. > > > > DEAR DIARY . DAY SIX: > > Saved 1600 lives today - twice.

IDIOT SIGHTING: We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not.' Four is larger than two..' We haven't used Sears repair since. IDIOT SIGHTING: My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.' She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.. Do not confuse the clerks at McD's. IDIOT SIGHTING : I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.' From Kingman , KS . IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE : My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had ice burg lettuce. From Kansas City IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.' Happened in Birmingham , Ala. IDIOT SIGHTING : The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!' She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS IDIOT SIGHTING : At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to 'downsizing.' Our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a lunch at Texas Instruments. IDIOT SIGHTING : I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less. IDIOT SIGHTING When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!' His reply, 'I know. I already got that side.' This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS STAY ALERT! They walk among us... and the scary part is that they VOTE and they REPRODUCE!

So very sorry to hear you have all of this to deal with. I agree that the decision to make you move doesn't seem at all fair. It just seems as if this is so much for you to deal with at this time in your life. Please know that we are thinking of you and saying prayers.

What beautiful babies, Joe! I am so very happy for you, Gina and your entire family. What a blessing you have been given!!! Although I know you are going to be very busy, please keep us updated.

Chocolate Chip or Oatmeal - OATMEAL Chocolate Brown or Navy Blue- CHOCOLATE BROWN Wedge or Stacked Heel - WEDGE Pogo Stick or Hula Hoop - HULA HOOP Sisal or Wool rug - WOOL German Chocolate Cake or French Cruller - GERMAN CHOCOLATE Newsweek or Time (magazines) - TIME Gift Bag or Wrapped Box - WRAPPED BOX Wooden Pencil or Mechanical Pencil - MECHANICAL PENCIL Black or Blue ink - BLUE Jello or Pudding - JELLO Zipper or Buttons - BUTTONS Hedges or White Picket Fence - WHITE PICKET FENCE Roses or Black Eyed Susans- BLACK EYED SUSANS

Chocolate Chip or Oatmeal Chocolate Brown or Navy Blue Wedge or Stacked Heel Pogo Stick or Hula Hoop Sisal or Wool rug German Chocolate Cake or French Cruller Newsweek or Time (magazines) Gift Bag or Wrapped Box Wooden Pencil or Mechanical Pencil Black or Blue ink Jello or Pudding Zipper or Buttons Hedges or White Picket Fence Roses or Black Eyed Susans

I just love the last one and am still wondering who gets dressed up to go to Walmart???

Jacob, Age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida , are all Excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a Drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. *Jacob addresses the man behind The counter: "Are you the owner?" The pharmacist answers, "Yes." *Jacob: "We're about to Get married. Do you sell heart medication?" Pharmacist: "Of course we do." Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?" Pharmacist: "All kinds *Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?" Pharmacist: "Definitely." *Jacob: "How about suppositories?" Pharmacist: "You bet!" *Jacob: "Medicine for memory Problems, arthritis, and Alzheimer's?" Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works." *Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?" Pharmacist: "Absolutely." *Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?" Pharmacist: "We sure do..." *Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and Canes?" Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes." *Jacob: "adult diapers?" Pharmacist: "Sure." *Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."

OK...I'm right handed but am left eye dominant. I found this out several years ago when Dennis was taking me to the gun range to learn how to shoot. He thought this was weird but I never really thought too much about it until last night at cake class. I was having a really tough time holding an icing bag in my right hand and twirling this little nail thing counter clockwise in my left hand. For some reason, my left hand kept wanting to move in a clockwise direction. I guess I'm just strange, as no one else seemed to be having a problem.

Good morning everyone! I'm so glad to see that Judy is headed south and back home to join the rest of us Floridians! I'm also glad to hear that you got some well needed and well deserved rest. I'm in line right behind Judy to send out a big "Yoo-Hoo" for Donny. Or maybe a "Hey, Donny" would be louder. Come on out and play!!! You would have all gotten such a kick out of seeing me in my cake decorating class last night. It would have been great if someone would have brought their video camera to class. I can tell you that someone could have won $10,000 on Funniest Videos for video of this class. Last night was the night that we made the famous Wilton roses. You know...the beautiful, big roses that you see on birthday cakes. Well....those work well when you're making them in a bakery or maybe even in your kitchen, but when you're sitting at a table in the middle of a Michael's crafts store with little room to move, it's tough. The bags of icing were getting warm from being in our hot little hands so long and the icing was getting really sloppy. People were dropping roses in the floor and it was just hilarious. My flowers were recognizable as roses but let's just say that a professional decorator would have laughed at my cake. I'll have to share a picture later. Funny thing, even after a long hot shower last night, I still have the faint smell of buttercream frosting on my skin....lol!!! So, I hope everyone is having a "sweet" day today in your littel corner of the world. Ann

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Oh Nick....that's so special !!! I know how much that has to mean to you. Your mom loved you so very much....and she's still showing it every day through little things like this sweet note.

((((((Jen)))))) No experience here with lung surgery but I am send ing lots of good thoughts and prayers your way!!!

Are you right or left handed ? If you're right handed, are you left or right eye dominate? For instance, if you're holding a gun out to shoot and you close one eye to aim, which eye do you close?

A strawberry blonde was weed-eating her yard and accidentally cut off the tail of her cat which was hiding in the grass. She rushed her cat, along with the tail, over to WAL-MART! Why WAL-MART?? HELLOOOOOOOOO? WALMART is the largest re-tailer in the world!!! [/b]

My best childhood friend was absolutely nothing like my adult best friend. My childhood friend was very quiet, easy going and almost shy. My adult best friend, Sue, is completely the opposite. She's very opinionated, strong, very outgoing and definitely a leader!!!

Stella Awards It's time again for the annual 'Stella Awards'! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico , where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right? That' s right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy. Here are the Stellas for the past year: *SEVENTH PLACE* Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son. Start scratching! * SIXTH PLACE * Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps. Scratch some more... * FIFTH PLACE * Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania , who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut.. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish. Keep scratching. There are more...... Double hand scratching after this one... *FOURTH PLACE* Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun. Pick a new spot to scratch, you're getting a bald spot.. * THIRD PLACE * Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. What ever happened to people being responsible for their own actions? Only two more so ease up on the scratching.... *SECOND PLACE* Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure. Ok. Here we go!! * FIRST PLACE * This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set.. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down? $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home. Are we, as a society, getting more stupid.... or are more members of Congress serving on juries these days?

Judy, I'm so very sorry to hear that we won't be able to meet this time....but I know we will meet up one of these days!!! I'm just happy to hear that you will soon be home and able to relax, as this has been quite a stressful and tiring trip for you. We really had some heavy rain and thunderstorms late yesterday afternoon. A few minutes would pass with no thunder or lightning and then it would start all over again. We got a ton of rain and the forecast for today is once again hot, humid and a high chance of afternoon showers. I can tell you that my grass has never been greener and my weeds have never grown faster. Have I told you that I really hate Monday??? I really had a great weekend. My friend's birthday was on Saturday and we started celebrating Friday night at midnight. I baked her a birthday cake on Saturday and then about 10 of us met for dinner and went back to the little bar where we began celebrating on Friday night. We stayed there until after midnight on Saturday....so, she had a great birthday! Now...for the really good news. My son and DIL have a brand new little furbaby. She is 12 weeks old and looks (and acts) like a baby Bailey. Little Barney just wasn't doing well without a sister, actually he was so pitiful. Although we will always miss our sweet little Bailey, having a new puppy that looks like her will make our hearts a little happier. So, I hope all my friends have a great Monday in their little corner of the world. Ann

Describe your very best friend from childhood. Now that you're all grown up, is your current best friend anything like your childhood best friend?

A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade, listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage. Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this? The husband thought for a moment and replied: "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays I fish."

Dave....I'm just down the road from you in Palm Bay.

Well, since the question is being asked today, I think I would have to say I'm definitely "Grumpy"

Good morning friends!!! Yes Judy, this is my favorite day of the week. I was just telling Muriel that although I hate to see time fly by so fast, I really wish I could give the clock hands a little nudge today. So far, it's a quiet day here on Florida's Space Coast. Weather forecast is about the same....hot, humid with a 50% chance of rain this afternoon. I'm finding that late afternoon is prime time to go grocery shopping around here. Most people are getting errands done earlier to avoid the rain, so the stores aren't so crowded. I'm thinking of meeting my friend for Bingo after work today. It's been a long time since I've played Bingo and I think these gals are pretty serious about it. It amazes me to see these people that have a whole row of cards and they manage to talk, eat, drink, and never miss a number. Not me!!! If I do play, I'll get one (maybe two) cards and concentrate on those numbers...lol! My DIL picked up my little doxie, Molly, yesterday and took her for a play date with little Barney. He misses his sister so much. He just sits and wimpers. So, my son is already looking for a red doxie puppy. Not that they want to replace Bailey but they feel so bad for Barney. What do all of you have planned for the weekend? I have been babysitting for the past 3 weekends and am now having garage sale withdrawals. If it doesn't rain down buckets in the morning, I'm going to go out at the break of dawn in search of that valuable treasure that I just know I'm going to find. Of course, the priceless treasure will have a 25 cent price sticker on it....lol! Happy Friday from me in my little corner of the world!!!

If you were one of the seven dwarves, Which one would you be?